OT: Three things about English Premier League coming up to the World Cup break
I have three (3) things to say as we approach the World Cup break:
1) Arsenal is in first place. I hate Arsenal. Everyone hates Arsenal. They're like that annoying cousin who's been given everything their whole boring-ass, conceited life. No class, no actual talent. All they're good at is talking about some shitty European watch they insist on showing every f*cking person when the fact is, they didn't buy that watch for themselves. They were given that hunk of European spunk by their dad who, himself, is 60-f*cking years old and still thinks Members Only jackets are coming back.
B) My team, Wolverhampton Wanderers, is tied for last f*cking place out of 20 teams. That's right - last out of 20. They're "my" team because my inbred cousins were accidentally born on the wrong side of Birmingham UK and didn't have the god-damned sense to move a few lousy towns east to root for a proper club like Aston Villa or Man City. They're morons, but they're my morons. And what they lack in dental hygiene, they more than make up for with the most savage fan chats, including my particular favorite which makes a delightful suggestion as to where the nice people of West Bromwich Albion (the next town over) can go.
iii) My team is in the "relegation' zone. Which is to say -- get your shit together soon because you're currently one of the three at the bottom of the standings, and come season's end, you're gonna drop down to the next lower league which, last I checked, included such football-boners as "Wigan Athletic" and "Middlesbrough." Middlesbrough is akin to playing Kansas State. You're aware they have a club, but the only thing inspiring about that place is that someone famous once had a cousin who came from there, and I think the beer you drank in college was produced a county over. Also, you're pretty sure Miss America came from there a few years back because, as we all know, the more inbred you are -- the more likely you are to eventually produce something beautiful. This is a very long-winded way to say, I think American sports should also have relegation.
October 24th, 2022 at 2:33 PM ^
Haaland
October 24th, 2022 at 10:56 PM ^
Steroids.
October 24th, 2022 at 11:04 PM ^
Horse tranquilizers.
October 25th, 2022 at 12:12 AM ^
The terminator
October 24th, 2022 at 2:34 PM ^
I’m looking for meanjoe to weigh in on this…
October 24th, 2022 at 3:24 PM ^
Not meanjoe, but how the fuck does OP hate Arsenal?
Yeah the Kroenkes JUST started spending on Arsenal as the 3rd stepchild behind the Rams and Avalanche.
Everyone should hate Man City. They along w the other oil clubs (PSG, Newcastle, Chelsea maybe) upended soccer and pretty much changed the paradigm of the sport.
Arsenal, if anything, are doing it as correctly as one can in this day and age backing the manager through the tough times and growing young talent to be cohesive as a team.
October 24th, 2022 at 4:52 PM ^
Seriously on the weird Arsenal hate. That’s not normal. While I agree the oil money is more negative than positive, watching MC play is really enjoyable. Same can’t be said for some of the the other oil rich clubs.
October 24th, 2022 at 11:32 PM ^
City play beautiful soccer and the players work tirelessly out there. What’s not to like. Look at the other rich teams that are assembled like psg or United. A bunch of stars that can’t play together. City are just constructed better and minus a few bad signings, their board addresses problems in the best way. They even made 40 million in sales while acquiring Haaland Alvarez Phillips Akanji and Gomez
October 24th, 2022 at 2:37 PM ^
The way this post started I was sure you were a Tottenham fan, like me. I guess its true, everyone does hate Arsenal. This pleases me.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:33 PM ^
As another Tottenham fan, I agree with all sentiments expressed here, and I think despite our recent run of success (of a sort), I feel confident we retain an appropriate level of self-loathing and fan dread. Also I love this description of the midlands football scene. And Middlesbrough really does suck. If Wolves end up hiring Nuno back, Spurs fans will feel the OP's pain...
October 24th, 2022 at 5:32 PM ^
In case the avatar is difficult to read...I'm a Brentford guy. Became a fan years ago while taking in a game at old Griffin Park. We're not in the relegation zone (yet) so I'm feeling pretty good. Just glad to be there without having expectations of qualifying for the Champions League.
As for the big boys...well...anyone can be a ManCity fan. Or Arsenal, Liverpool, Chelsea etc. It takes a true supporter to suffer with West Brom or Sunderland or, heaven forbid, Watford.
October 24th, 2022 at 7:46 PM ^
It takes a true supporter to suffer with West Brom or Sunderland or, heaven forbid, Watford.
Watford might just be the Detroit Lions of the Premier League, in that -- people legitimately point and laugh when people wear that kit.
October 24th, 2022 at 11:07 PM ^
It doesn't help that their crest has a big red doofy moose on it.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:43 PM ^
I've always wondered what fan's thoughts on tottenham would be if anybody ever thought about them at all....
October 24th, 2022 at 4:17 PM ^
im drjaws, an arsenal supporter, and i approve this message.
October 25th, 2022 at 9:59 AM ^
Another Tottenham fan here (as well as BH Albion)
Yes, Arsenal can die of the flux.
October 24th, 2022 at 2:39 PM ^
You got there at the end 608...Relegation to the Big Ten West!
October 24th, 2022 at 2:43 PM ^
I don't have any thoughts on the EPL but am here to say that I'm Celtic crazy, I'm Celtic mad, 'cause Celtic is the greatest team that Scotland's ever had.
October 24th, 2022 at 2:44 PM ^
This is a very long-winded way to say, I think American sports should also have relegation.
No way. Relegation is a financial disaster. Clubs are forced to conduct fire sales of their players as revenues in the lower division are a tiny fraction of what they are in the top flight.
In Europe, this means the club goes massively in debt (and often will be stuck in debt long after returning to the top flight).
In North America, a club in that financial position will likely be sold and/or relocated. We don't tolerate money-losing franchises on this continent.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:09 PM ^
Sounds good. The Lions would be relegated and that would force the Fords to sell them. And then finally the curse of the Fords would be over.
Or more likely, the threat of relegation would have forced the Lions to invest. Because William Clay Ford’s quote of long ago “You don’t have to win to make money (with the Lions)” would not have held true.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:22 PM ^
Silver said this weekend (or, it was reported this weekend that he said) that the NBA looked into pro/rel, with the G league. Quickly abandoned the idea.
But it's not totally insane. Say the NFL went to 40 teams, like, adding 'Bama, UGa etc. (I kid I kid)... and had 20 in the upper league and Lions, Bears etc. in lower 20. Two or three teams a year go up/down between them. It's called a "closed" system (Australian soccer has it between their two leagues.)
Is that financial disaster? The TV network contract is with the entirety -- all 40 teams. Otherwise, the value of the top 20 teams varies. If Jacksonville moves up and Boston moves down one year, that's a lot of eyeballs lost from the change. But if the TV contract has both leagues, the net eyeballs says the same (over all). (The networks fighting who gets good league games in NY vs. crappy league games in Columbus or Albuquerque are another matter.)
The difference here is, all teams share the league revenues equally -- whether NFL, NBA, etc. (Baseball is SORT of an exception to that, but still.) So rel/pro is possible if in a closed league.
The real problem is, by having a larger league, you seriously dilute talent. The NFL doesn't have 32 quality QB starters; it surely doesn't have 40. It barely has a dozen. Having more teams to have rel/pro will really smash teams to the middle even more. And then, if a big-name player has his team relegated, does he get released from his contract? That could be a bit of controlled chaos.
October 24th, 2022 at 4:07 PM ^
I think you're on the right path with 40 team, closed leagues with an upper 20 and a lower 20, especially if the media deals are with the whole entity allowing revenue sharing.
You could make it so most teams have something to play for down the stretch.
- Top 8 of upper league make the championship playoffs
- Bottom 8 of upper league go into a relegation playoff where 3 are eventually relegated
- The middle 4 of the upper league likely have to keep focused right down to the end of the season to either fight there way into the top playoff or avoid the lower playoff
- In the bottom league, overall first place automatically gets promoted
- Teams 2-9 go to a playoff for the other two promotion spots.
Then the final key is that you make the draft not based on the previous season's record. You just rotate draft order every year so there's no incentive to being bad.
October 24th, 2022 at 4:42 PM ^
That's the other key aspect of soccer leagues with rel/pro... NO DRAFT. Everything is free agencies, but, it starts with 10-12 year olds going to developmental academies, then 16-18 yr olds shuffling around, etc. etc. Teams have their hooks into players when they barely have teeth. Totally unlike NFL, NBA etc. But more like SEC. How you do a draft with pro/rel is a mess.
Similarly, how you do a draft with Victor Wembanyama in it is a mess too.
October 24th, 2022 at 11:11 PM ^
I don't understand how a draft with Victor Wembenyama is a mess. It's quite simple. Whoever picks first takes him. Bam, problem solved.
October 25th, 2022 at 8:32 AM ^
I think the biggest problem with this system is that it would seriously screw with top players’ guaranteed salaries. And that alone is what will doom this model to failure in the US. You can’t take players who are used to guaranteed big money and mess with the way they get paid.
October 25th, 2022 at 10:10 AM ^
Almost certainly will never happen because owners of cash cows aren't going to put this financial future at risk.
BUT -- if it does, there's not need to go to 40 for a 2x20 setup. That makes sense in soccer where a 38 game season is the norm. In the NFL, you could do something like 36 teams, 2 18-team groups. Everyone plays the others in their league once a year, so you get a real regular season champion. Or, keep it at 32, and you play 15 games against your league and 2 cross-overs.
October 24th, 2022 at 5:40 PM ^
"We don't tolerate money-losing franchises on this continent."
But we do tolerate losers...
October 24th, 2022 at 2:50 PM ^
Funny comments about Arsenal, particularly since they're consistently equated with Michigan in "which EPL team matches your CFB team" clickbait nonsense...
October 24th, 2022 at 2:52 PM ^
As an Arsenal fan for the last 20 years the Michigan comparison is completely warranted. Probably why I love them. I love this guy's hate for the club
October 24th, 2022 at 3:14 PM ^
Up the Arsenal!
October 24th, 2022 at 2:52 PM ^
Hate to say it, but Arsenal is my team (by adoption)
I was never a soccer fan until a friend moved into my house- who is from Ethiopia, and he is very into soccer. I kind of just went with who he liked and that was it.
They are off to a great start, not sure how you can say they have no talent with Jesus on the team. Also off to a great start in the Europa.
That's my two cents. Excited for the world cup though.
October 24th, 2022 at 7:47 PM ^
Started watching EPL in 2020 when I was going through sports withdrawals. Watched the All or Nothing on Tottenham and then on Arsenal. No way I was going to be a Man U fan. I like Arteta, I like the Arsenal history, their yellow and blue away kits, I like their US ownership and Wrexham isn't in the EPL so...
October 24th, 2022 at 2:58 PM ^
Wolverhampton is also my team, but for a completely different reason. They combine 2 of my favorite things, wolverines and ham. Wolverhampton also has a nice little aerospace industry. (Space, English Bitches, Space.) 6 of the 20 EPL teams have “ham” in their name. I figured there couldn’t be that much love for “ham” in England and I was right. From the interwebs,
The area of the modern borough was at one time occupied by a settlement called 'Ham'. The name comes from Old English 'hamm' and means 'a dry area of land between rivers or marshland',
I also added a new favorite MiLB team, the Sugar Land Space Cowboys. Why? Because Space, Texas Bitches, Space. They also sell an awesome T-shirt depicting a taco with a baseball cover as the taco shell.
It was a long bye weekend.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:03 PM ^
Hang in there. My adopted club of 15 years ago was in a similar position to yours last year. Now we're sitting fourth in the table, playing excited, attacking, pressing football, and collecting scalps among the established elite. The same could happen for you! Hailing from a blue-collar area of the country, Newcastle supporters are in many ways similar to Detroit-area fans of old--deeply passionate about their club(s) and its heroes and who have been left to suffer decades of neglect and hopelessness. Imagine if the PIF came in and bought the Lions from the Ford family...
And yes. @#$% Arsenal.
October 24th, 2022 at 4:59 PM ^
TLDR: Just sell your team to a caliphate of despotic oil barons and your club can turn it all around!
October 25th, 2022 at 7:43 AM ^
The Detroit Bone Saws
October 24th, 2022 at 3:04 PM ^
I sort of see where you're coming from on Arsenal. It's just 11 guys named Gabriel. When was the last time you liked somebody that went by Gabriel and not Gabe?
And I'm not sure it's going any better for Aston Villa right now?
Sorry about Palhinha, he's amazing. Jumping into his Wolves deal and convincing him to come to London was the best thing Fulham's done in years.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:07 PM ^
Just here to echo the fuck Arsenal statements.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:09 PM ^
arsenal supporter here. I like how everyone hates the gunners.
everything you said after "Everyone hates Arsenal." either doesn't make sense or is patently untrue (and i would suggest it applies to man city or man u far more than arsenal).
no talent? guuners have a load of young talented players. Saka, Gabriel, Saliba, Odegaard, Jesus, Martinelli, Nketiah, Zinchenko, would start on 90% of EPL teams. there's a reason they're top table. Tierney has been disappointing and Pepe seems to have mentally checked out, but they are a talented young group who will likely be top 4 and get to the UCL
i guess as a wolves supporter, the only thing you got going for you is rooting against all the other 17 teams ahead of you who wont get relegated tho haha.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:14 PM ^
How is Arsenal's Champion's League campaign going this year?
October 24th, 2022 at 3:22 PM ^
well, for a team that basically went full Red Wings under Arsene and didn't have the talent on the squad to actually be in it, not too bad.
How's Newcastle's ... *check notes and sees last win of anything major was in 1950s* ... beer brewing going?
October 24th, 2022 at 3:25 PM ^
didn't have the talent on the squad to actually be in it
Truer words...
As for the beer... just like the club, it's holding true to form.
Newcastle Brown Ale is perceived in the UK as a working-man's beer, with a long association with heavy industry, the traditional economic staple of the North East of England.[1] In export markets, it is seen as a trendy, premium import and is predominantly drunk by the young.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:29 PM ^
well, neither has Newcastle in like 100+ years so .....
to be fair, they make great beer. i love newcastle brown. not as much as old speckled hen but it's good stuff.
October 24th, 2022 at 3:32 PM ^
It's starting to look like it though, isn't it?
October 24th, 2022 at 3:38 PM ^
that middle eastern oil money buys a lot of shiny new things i agree. i mean, thats how man city went from a tier 3 team to EPL champs
October 24th, 2022 at 3:49 PM ^
What's a girl to do when the only way to break into the top six is to fight the combined wealth of all six at once as they collude to monopolize all of the wealth of the league while handing out scraps to those teams on the outside looking in?
October 24th, 2022 at 4:00 PM ^
you're not wrong. used to be the "big 4" or "top 4" until man city "NY Yankee'd" their way to the table. city laid out the blueprint. don't blame castle for trying to follow it.
i always rooted for newcastle (because of the beer and the kits are great, especially the maize and blue aways). Schaar, Wilson and Almiron look good this year. spent some time in manchester and that was enough to make me dislike both clubs.
don't know why tottenham is considered "big six" ... maybe because the $ they make? it's not like they win trophies
October 24th, 2022 at 4:15 PM ^
In this day and age, winning trophies comes in bunches to teams who can pay enough elite wages to fund campaigns for all the different leagues. I don't see Newcastle being able to do that for quite a while, honestly. And I'm with you about the Manchester clubs. Hate them more than Arsenal ;). Cheers to you, I appreciate the good-natured banter. Bucket list item for me remains to catch a game at St. James'. It's still a ways off, sadly.
October 24th, 2022 at 4:39 PM ^
Hope you get to see it. Love to see a PL game at St James, Craven Cottage or Emirates (obviously).
October 24th, 2022 at 3:17 PM ^
Is it just me or does it seem like the OP's several mentions of inbreeding seems like he might be testing the waters to see if we are into it.