OT - MGoWeddings

I am going through the engagement/wedding process right now.  I seem to be getting by pretty well with just agreeing with whatever she says.  I agree with the above posters to avoid a fall wedding.  You don't want your wedding party checking scores on the phone.  My jobs are to figure out what alcohol we are getting and the DJ.  How bad could I mess that up? 

I have been going through this process as well, with my wedding coming up in August (before football season obviously). It's really not as stressful/bad/whatever as you might think, but I do have one piece of advice: get your guest list in order ASAP. It's going to change several times, particularly with your parents and future in-laws' lists. Parents can be an incredible pain during this process. 

The guest list has by far been the most stressful part. We were hoping to have a moderate-to-small wedding, and it blew up faster than I could have ever imagined. Get that in order. Everything else (band/DJ, flowers, venue, etc.) really isn't all that bad. 

I could reiterate and say DON'T SPEND MONEY, but that's obvious, and a little harder than I ended up realizing. 

Good luck and congrats!

If my gym offered a wedding reception dance class, I'd be in amazing shape. 

Bend your knees at the alter or you may pass out.

Your wedding night is going to be a blast.  Don't sweat anything about it.  After listening to my nervous wreck of a fiance stress about it for several months, we both had an amazing night.  Nobody will care if your DJ sucks, or if the dress isn't perfect, or if you flub your vows.  They'll care about free food and free alcohol.

Have free alcohol.  Nobody expects a full bar, so 2-3 beer options, vodka, rum, gin, whiskey, white wine, red wine.  Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, OJ, lots of bottled water.  If someone can't find a drink they like in that, then they can stay sober.

We had Amish food which was delicious and not too expensive.  There were massive amounts.  I can't even remember exactly what we served.  Prime rib is great and all, but people will eat anything that tastes good...

Don't initiate the cake smashing.  Retaliate immediately if you get got.

If your father-in-law gives you 3-4 shots in rapid succession before the ceremony, he's trying to make sure you're too slow to run.  This absolutely happened to me.  Took the edge off, but in looking back, nope.  No regrets.  I was headed towards drunk at the alter.  Wouldn't take it back.

Number One Rule: JUST HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOUR WIFE

Repeat these words: I love it!

You are now prepared to discuss the wedding with your fiancee

Expect some interesting gifts. We did the whole registering thing, but most of my husband's family gave us what they wanted to give us. One cousin gave us a small picture frame with the price tag still on it. It had been marked down four times, from $19.99 to $2.49. 

Pay for your own wedding. That way you get to decide exactly how the wedding is going to go without your parents/relatives barging in. If that means it is going to be smaller and/or less fancy, so be it. Also delegate everything. There are too many things happening to keep track of it all. Get your most trustworthy friends and divide up all the work that needs to happen. My wedding was a blast because I was not constantly bombarded by questions or issues to be addressed.

One more - open seating! Took out a ton of the stress of trying to figure things out, and the guests were smart enough to find tables with people they knew or made friends...

story:  we got married at the family cottage, outdoors, and i doubt i could've sent a letter to the almighty and asked for anything as perfect as it turned out.  one item though that was a neat surprise is that at the cottage we had old pictures (like all cottages) and my own parents had been the only other people ever married on the island.  there was a picture of them at their initial wedding toast back in 1953, holding their champagne glasses with nice little ribbons on them.

flash forward 43 years, and 2 days before our wedding my aunt is digging for something up in a closet and finds an old spaulding shoes box from the 50's....with my parents' wedding glasses that nobody had seen since 1953.   my beloved bride and i toasted with those same glasses.  and my uncle who was a ring-bearer at the '53 wedding was my best man, with my siblings making up most of the rest of the wedding party. 

bottom line: smaller wedding, less hassles, less expense, less places it can go wrong and more time to enjoy one of the most wonderful days of your life. 

In AA during an away game.  We planned everything to be after the game (this was in 2005 when we still had noon kickoffs).  My wife and I love the fall and especially love AA in the fall so that's what we did.  Game was great and took my mind off of things.  The day was beautiful and we had a great time.  

My only advise would be the same that my cousin gave me, do the deed that night.  Don't get too drunk or tired, just make sure you do.  

Also, your fiance will ask your opinion on things and pick between two items. You will say "I don't care, pick the one you like" she will respond that she really wants you to pick.  You will pick one, she will say "Really?" and you will go with the other one that she wanted originally but was hoping you'd pick on your own. This happened many times. 

I would advise no Fall weddings like everyone else but people really seem to love them now. I'll be missing the BYU game this year for a wedding. *SIGH*.

Don't worry about what everyone else did for their weddings or what the family wants. It's not a family event. It's for you and your significant other. There's too many times I've seen wedding turn into family reunions with the bride and groom overwhelmed. Just do your thing. 

I was a little surprised that this thread got so many replies so quickly.  And then I remembered the fashion obsession of this board and it all made sense.  nttatwwt.

go cheap on everything but the ring (spend less that the ring? Is this a rule of thumb? should it be?)

don't be pressured into inviting your 3rd cousin twice removed b/c your parents were invited to their desination wedding or she works with his uncle or w/e bullshit other people bring to YOUR wedding planning.

some priests won't marry people who live together first. learned that one the hard way when we sent a letter with both our names on the return address label. 

Your fiancee probably reads or will read a ton of wedding blogs. Encourage this; it makes her feel creative and marginally more decisive.

We invited 180 and had 160 show; most of what I have read said to expect a 20% decline rate. We are among the first to get married in our generation in each of our families, so our acceptance was a little higher.

We had a two-year engagement, which gave us a ton of flexibility to shop around and save money. Our ceremony and reception were both in A2, and we were able to pull it off for ~$12K with Zingerman's catering. (By the way, BBQ and country veggies were amazing.)

I am a musician by training, and in general my wife and I are conservative about music choices (basically, we didn't want Lil Jon at the reception). I had to talk to a few different DJs to find one I thought cared about music like I did, but my guy was awesome. He had a great feature where I had a login to flag songs from his database as "definitely play, nice to play, definitely don't play," which gave him a good sense of my taste without me programming the whole night.

She will probably get stressed. My wife and I had at least one good fight over planning stress. Remember your top concern is building a marriage, not a wedding.

Coney station

1.  Don't listen to anyone who says don't get married, provided the person you are marrying is your best friend.  Getting married is awesome and the best move a man can make.

2.  You'll find out a lot about who your true friends are, so take notice.

3.  Really take time to enjoy the day because, although I haven't had kids yet, it was hands down the best day of my life.  If you live far away from family and friends, there's nothing better than being surrounded by all of the people you have loved and have loved you your entire life.

4.  Get drunk at the after-party and let shenanigans ensue!!!

 

If you want to get married near Ann Arbor, you must consider Weber's.  Back in 2008 it was far and away the best deal in town and they did an amazing job.  In 2008 their minimum spend was $5,500 and we had to get EXTRA things to get there for a wedding with 120 guests.  Also, open bar for four hours was $14 per guest for mid level booze (Jack, Absolut, etc.).  Not per guest per hour.  PER GUEST.  There is no way they made money off of us and probably lost a bundle!

For the story:

Groom (not me fortunately) is at the beach with friends day after the wedding (destination wedding).  Groom starts losing his mind and splashing around in the water.  Wedding ring fell off.  Searched for two hours and no luck.  Dinner with bride and bride's family is fast approaching, so a buddy gives groom his wedding ring as a backup.  Groom takes backup ring, says he's going to keep looking for a few more minutes and then meet up for dinner.  Groom arrives at dinner 2 hours later, which is much later than expected.  Backup wedding ring is also lost in the Caribbean.  

Getting married in two weeks.
-spent less on wedding to upgrade honeymoon.
-doing open seating.
-suit rental was insane look to buy.
-remember that the first words you say to her after she walks down the isle she will remember forever. Make them special and creative.
-I've been with her for 5 years and yes I am still nervous. Excited nervous but still nervous.

I enjoyed my wedding reception, but the one thing I remember after it was all over was that the reception was really for the guests and not the bride and groom.  You and your wife may want to sneak off before the party ends.  We spent time figuring out menus and drinks, tasting cake...the usual.  I only had one plate of food and just a little bit of cake.  We went around saying hi and thank-you to everyone who came to the wedding and didn't have time for much else.

The groomsmen had flowers that were supposed to be shades of pink that got progressively lighter.  Well, the flower person delivered only one color of pink.  We didn't really care, but it was pretty funny when the maid of honor tried to organize the groomsmen by shades of pink when there was only one. 

My tip: Don't think that the reception has to be at a place that normally does wedding receptions. We had ours at one of our favorite restaurants after convincing the owners to host our party for the night. We had the whole place to ourselves, with a custom menu and a full wait staff and kitchen, that could adjust on the fly. Access to a full bar as well, so everyone could order whatever they wanted, instead of being stuck with just a couple choices.

I had a fabulous time...albeit the next day was a bit rough. :)

I'm currently in the process of "planning" a wedding. 

I'm having a fall wedding. On a Saturday. It's what she wanted, the game will be over, and everyone else can suck it.

Even if you don't want to be involved, try to at least have something you care about be involved (bar, food type, live band, whatever). So far I have nothing that is what I wanted in the wedding, which is a huge annoyance because I'm a pretty hands on guy.

Have groomsmen buy suits through Combat Gent or something similar. They pay the same to own instead of rent, they actually fit, and you get yours free. 

Another tip: Spend money on what is important to you and your wife. Save on everything else.

For us, that meant a great photographer, no videographer. Great food and drinks, minimal table center pieces and trinkets, etc.

1. Remember that it's not about you.

2. Don't fuck up your lines.

3. Don't forget to eat.  Seriously.  Make sure that there is food wherever you and the Mrs. go to chill out for a few mins after the ceremony and before the next photography blitz, and before you have to make your rounds at the reception.  Because if you don't, you'll be 6 hours into the wedding and won't have eaten a thing, which makes it way harder to drink like a fish all night.

4. Remember that it's a party.  As you and your bride-to-be's respective moms argue about floral arrangements and placesettings, you and your fiancee should focus on making sure you control the things that make a party a good party: inviting people you want to hang out with, insisting on an open bar, booking a good band and/or DJ, and never forgetting to ask yourself if the decision you're being asked to make would make the difference in whether or not you enjoyed the event as an invitee.  Spend your money on stuff that affects that calculation.  Other stuff doesn't matter so much.

5. Something will go wrong.  As long as whatever went wrong didn't prevent you and your wife from getting married and having a good time, whatever went wrong didn't matter, and there's no reason, before, during or after the wedding, to lose your shit about it.