CPS

December 18th, 2008 at 5:17 PM ^

I hate a lot of states, but I REALLY f#cking hate Ohio! I hate the sight of it. I hate the smell of it. I hate to touch anything in it. I hate the sound of my car’s tires over it’s pristine f#cking highways that are soooo much better than Michigan’s. Seriously, where’s the roads that look like they’ve been driven over by overloaded semis with jackhammers on the tires?!? I hate the name. Four f#ucking letter?!? That’s all you’ve got? F#ck all four of them! (Iowa and Utah, I’ve got my eye on you too!) I hate the names of it’s sports teams. Reds? Browns? How about something more original than a f#ucking color?!? Oh, you have a team called the Blue Jackets, you say? Well, I’d hate to have been in on that brainstorming session! I hate that state so much, I drive through Canada to get around it. Canada!!! Been through there? It’s like Ohio, expect it’s not as full of SUCK! I’ve been to plenty of states, and I hate most of them. But Ohio. There’s just no state that I hate as much as O-Hi-F#ucking-O! I don’t mind Cincy though. Nice zoo.

Six Zero

December 18th, 2008 at 5:19 PM ^

is that if I don't live a good life, upon death I will be condemned to suffer eternal damnation in the depths of hell. Then the angels of the Lord will take me there... And it will turn out to be Youngstown. During Buckeye season. (criiiiiiiiiiiiinge)

MaizeAndBlueWahoo

December 18th, 2008 at 5:47 PM ^

Ohio serves a very useful purpose. Without it, Lake Erie would come crashing down into Kentucky and flood out the whole state, and we'd never have had mint juleps. And soybeans. Ohio grows soybeans. Holy shit do they grow some fucking soybeans. Even though you can make fun of Iowa for doing nothing but grow corn, at least they give us things like corn-on-the-cob, which is delicious. Ohio? Tofu. Thanks a mil.

Magnus

December 18th, 2008 at 10:39 PM ^

...it would be White Castle. That place sucks. The food tastes the same whether it's going in my mouth, coming out of my mouth, or coming out of my ass. Yeah. I said it.

Snidely Doo Rash

December 18th, 2008 at 11:38 PM ^

3 essential questions ensuring Ohio's status as the worst state evah and forevah. 1)are there any natural lakes? A: no 2)Christ is the Answer (fake question) 3)am I inside or outside of the corporation limit? A: yes quest for THE KNOWLEDGE: what's up with their state flag? partial list of saving graces: bo; early devo/guided by voices/the ohio players; Michigan commits past/present and future, cute OH babes past only (except in the art appreciation modality)