B10 Football Preview from the Road in B10 Country
Mates,
Finishing up our second annual tour through most of B10 country, having spent nearly a week behind enemy lines in Nebraska, I file this football preview based on personal observations, scientific testing methods and inescapable logic. The teams are not listed in the order of their finish.
1. Iowa - they're going to go 4-8. The state smells like manure and that will mirror their season. And Harbaugh took their best quarterback.
2. Nebraska/Wisconsin - Very low in cattle inventory which directly translates into thin lines on both the offense and the defense. However with the speed limit set a 75 mph they will surprise a few teams with quickness. 6-6 for the huskers. Wisconsins suffers from the same low cattle inventory but they have a beer heritage that redeems them somewhat. They go 7-5 or maybe 8-4.
3. Indiana/Purdue/Illinois - The freeway system is an incredible cluster muck of confusion and nasty traffic such that whoever is responsible for this should be visited by the Soprano tough guys and have lots of bruising to show for it. All three teams go 0-12 and a blimp crashes into each of their respective stadiums (or is it stadiii?).
4. Maryland/Rutgers - There still is no compelling reason they are in the B10. They are like the inert ingredients in your wife's hair spray or perfume - no substance, no purpose, just there so the rest of the league can play ball. Both teams go 0-0 and withdraw from the league.
5. Minnesota/Northwestern - Hard not to like Jerry Kill and he seems to be running a clean program. As for Northwestern, that's where my oldest brother played ball and so they are my second favorite team behind Michigan. Both teams go 9-3.,
6. MSU - Cow college with a decent football team. They will be 9-3, but importantly one of the '3' will be a loss to us. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, D'anweirdo.
7. ohio - Acknowleding a very good football team they still eat bat guano off of stop signs. They will also have their hearts torn out by a late November loss when they come to Ann Arbor. 10-2 for them, no playoff bowl this year.
Time to get back on the road and make it home to Michigan, which team by the way will go 15-0 and win the Nat'l Champiionship. Like you had to ask.
I'm confused.
Yes. Upvoted.
NU but it was cost prohibitive, so that's my second fave as well. (as long as they don't beat us)
Nice write up, objective and factual. Good analysis.
so thank you for your affirmation. i do try to bring insight into these difficult matters.
Nebraska will sorely miss Bo "Feline" Pelini with his boring 9 win years and Iowa stinks - literally and figuratively. Go Blue!
have developed an unnatural attraction to pigs, especially just west of lincoln. you could smell it from the I-80 from miles away.
That is the smell of money, my dear lad.
while i agree that hogs can = $, the particular smell i was referring to was very definitely not what money smells like.
August 9th, 2015 at 12:12 PM ^
Waiting with baited breath for the Prevail and Ride Off-Season Review...I'm sure JH will get some love on that one. He WAS the offseason.
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Otherwise, impeccable journalism.
August 8th, 2015 at 10:10 AM ^
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August 8th, 2015 at 11:09 AM ^
Was that just a digital "lol" or was it the old fashion analog "lol"?
August 8th, 2015 at 10:25 AM ^
August 8th, 2015 at 11:06 AM ^
our winning records against both programs.
and being on the road, corralling 9 of us into the van and driving 1100 miles, i just plain forgot PSU. had i put in an entry, it would have gone like this:
PSU - Hearing the livestock report and knowing that the showers can be dangerous in happy valley, they transfer to other B10 schools and are unable to field a team. like their eastern brethren rutgers and m-land, they go 0-0 and withdraw from the B10.
Covers all the salient points.
not sure about wisconsin. they might actually be like ohio where they are afraid to let people go over 60 for most of the state.
Referring to MSU as the/a "cow college" is typically intended to be a put down often reserved for them, but you do realize that 10 of 14 (71.4 %) of all Big 10 universities are a "cow college"??? Looks like good company.
Wisconsin - cow college
Minnesota - cow college
Ilinois - cow college
Purdue - cow college
Ohio State - cow college
Penn State - cow college
Rutgers - cow college
Maryland - cow college
Nebraska - cow college
MSU - cow college
of attempted humor.
August 8th, 2015 at 11:04 PM ^