https://gfycat.com/clearcarefreejunebug

 

I’m currently typing somewhere between Charleston and Beckley, West Virginia. In a few hours we’ll be back home after a long trip driving back from my sister’s house in GR where 20+ Elbel’s watched The Game and then all drove back to their respective residences with massive smiles. I noticed something that I’m sure people who live up here see way more often and are already aware of: just south of Toledo on I-75, two signs caught my eye.

The first is a highway sign that tell you you’re over 600 miles away from Atlanta. Sure, 75 does go that far, and I’m sure there are people who are headed that direction. Heck, we had a jerk with a Georgia plate who had their brights blasting our mirrors halfway down I-96. That mark was a little jarring, but not crazy unusual. However, just a few miles down the road from there, another sign indicated we were over 1,100 miles away from Tampa freaking Florida.

Why? Just why? No one is driving that far today. In theory you could make it with rotating drivers and if you packed PB&J’s a la Frames Janklin and correlated all bathroom stops with gas stations. But no one is driving that far from Waterville, OH in one shot. Who is that sign for, and why is it there? Is it just to humbrag about how long 75 is or something? If that’s the case, why isn’t it in, like, St. Ignace or something? Or why only to Tampa and not all the way to Hialeah? That sign is for no one, because the number is too high for it to actually matter.

It reminded me a lot of how I felt in the 4th quarter of The Game, when we started scoring in bunches and lead grew and grew. At some point, I lost track of the score and just knew: this is too much for them to come back from. It didn’t matter if it was 3 scores, 30 scores, or 1,100 miles; with how we were playing and how they were playing the numerical amount you slap on the gap between us no longer matters. Ohio State was not driving all the way to Tampa, let alone the end zone 3 times in 3 minutes. Pull over, truck drivers, your reign is over.

I am feeling Valiant. I hope you are too. To celebrate, I present you with a top 20 this week, one for each point OSU scored in the first half, and 3 frames of the game, one for each point in the second half. Because what are we if not respectful of our fellow rivals? (Also no way on earth can I fit everything into a top 10, are you kidding me?)

 

Honorable Mentions:
The Beginning Of Johnson’s Day
You Are Not Allowed To Play Our Game
Sigh-Inducing Miss
McGregor’s First Almost
This Felt Like A Huge Win
Get The Hell Out Of There
Mmm Sad Ohio Punts
McGregor’s Second Almost
CelebrationByKool&TheGang.gif
Victory
 

 

20. Harbaugh, Hockey Ref

https://gfycat.com/heavenlypersonalbandicoot

I could see Jim wrestle large men on skates to the ground. Honestly.

 

19. The First Sign

https://gfycat.com/oblonghandsomeasianconstablebutterfly

This was a nice little “huh, that was a nice play on a big down. Maybe that’ll be a sign of things to come?” Hooray foreshadowing!

 

18. Freakin’ MVP

https://gfycat.com/tinyharshamericanwigeon

Without Corum everything landed on JJ’s shoulders and the man took that weight and carried it into the endzone four times. Outrageous. Hail JJ forever and ever amen.

 

17. Get Used To This, Stroud

https://gfycat.com/impartialnaturalhummingbird

Feel free to sigh like this for the rest of your life when you think about this game.

 

16. More Foreshadowing

https://gfycat.com/serpentinehealthybumblebee

Hm. Just couldn’t hang on, huh? Will this be a trend?

 

15. SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE

https://gfycat.com/grouchydirtykiwi

We need a penalty box in football so we can institution the Cya chant in the Big House.

 

14. What Letter Is This?

https://gfycat.com/warlikemeanaidi

Can’t tell from the stance here. Has to be the I right? He’s only got one hand up. Can’t be an H or an O.

 

13. Yes, Keep Attacking The Edge

https://gfycat.com/elegantcavernousbat

Run laterally for no gain. Totally fine by me.

 

12. Get Ready For All The Touchdowns

https://gfycat.com/grayidioticamericanshorthair

Holy shit I’m so excited for this top 10.

 

11. Breakthrough

https://gfycat.com/adolescentbittercricket

This play was the one that gave me the first flashbacks to last year’s 2nd half. If they can’t stop the pass and the run, it’s game over. Little did we know, with this score we had already won!

 

10. Leader. Best.

https://gfycat.com/unlawfulvengefuliridescentshark

The best QB on the field today, and led the young bucks well as a young buck.

 

9. Look At That Hole

https://gfycat.com/alienatedimpolitebooby

Plus A Good Game Summary

https://gfycat.com/unfitimpeccablebovine

This is at #9 what the hell am I doing? Also phrasing, but, like, what?

 

8. Lightning Struck Twice

https://gfycat.com/disgustingcolorfulcony

That Look Though

https://gfycat.com/accuratemalejunebug

That was a “dude, where did you go?” look. Absolutely savage CJ.

 

7. Tim F’in Tebow

https://gfycat.com/lamesardonicbordercollie

Except it’s a backup linebacker but I will take it nonetheless.

 

6. Speed Kills

https://gfycat.com/eagerbeautifulduiker

Defensive MVP which is absolutely hilarious. Mike you are just the best.

 

5. Breaking The O

https://gfycat.com/feistyuntriedgermanshepherd

Just right over the knee. Normally my go-to response to O-H is F-U, but this might be the way to go from here on. Just take the O and snap it in half over the knee. Beautiful.

 

4. Ba Da Ba Ba Ba

https://gfycat.com/filthyembellishedharvestmouse

And My Favorite Angle

https://gfycat.com/essentialdelightfulhammerheadshark

Out of the big touchdowns, this was my favorite of the day. A well developed pocket by the line and then the presence to feel it out and step up and into the throw by JJ. A strike to a TE deep and hitting him in-stride is just the most Michigan way to score the game-winning points.

 

3. It’s Over

https://gfycat.com/validfoolhardyjuliabutterfly

Reminded me a lot of the INT we got to seal The Game when Hoke won it that one time. It was already over before this, but now it became much less a football game and much more a “let’s kneel, plant our flag, and get the hell out of this damn state.”

 

2. Ground Assault

https://gfycat.com/harmfuldeafeningblackfootedferret

Look At That Hole Pt. Dos

https://gfycat.com/dependableinconsequentialalpaca

…Because this was the one. For me at least, this one was the Tampa sign TD. It felt like they could still get some scores maybe but it’d be a stretch…mostly because we’d been dropping bombs all day and now they were getting run over by our ground units too. It’s like when you hit the enemy with fire from the sky overnight and then at dawn you roll in with the tanks to find there’s nothing left to stop you. This was last year’s final drive on steroids. Everyone in the country knew we had to run the ball here to ice it by killing time and instead we ran the ball to ice it by killing ohio’s will to live.

 

Frames of the Game: Stroud, Nebraska Quarterback

https://gfycat.com/victoriousfavoriteeidolonhelvum

I believe CJ Stroud stepped into a wormhole or another dimension a la Rick and Morty and came back out a Husker. At least for this one play. He found himself behind the chains in a desperate situation. Needing a touchdown, he tries to do it himself before realizing too late that he cannot because of something to do with corn ghosts. He then makes an ill-advised play that no one saw coming and the ball finds its way into the opposition’s arms. Now I don’t know if we can prove that the transformation is fully complete or not, but maybe at whatever NY6 consolation prize bowl OSU backs into the media can ask him about his affinity for corn, just to check.

 

Frames of the Game: We Own This Now

https://gfycat.com/niftyadmiredamphiuma

This is Michigan, so we know a thing or two about claiming things with flags. Like the moon. If we can claim the moon for our own, we can claim this rivalry back for its rightful owners.

 

Frames of the Game: General JJ

https://gfycat.com/spectacularmemorablearacari

I debated back and forth between General or King, but ultimately the best-sounding one won over the one that fits the gif best. I am sorry, General King, if this offends you in any manner. Please do not salute me and tell me to go home.

 

POLL FOR THIS WEEK GOOD FREAKING LUCK

 

Last year’s winner: You Fool

https://gfycat.com/spiffypolitebluejay

WAIT that’s not….. uh… I wasn’t even doing this yet last year so I don’t know how that happened. We’ll chalk that up to a typo?

 

Last WEEK’s winner: $$$$$

https://gfycat.com/advancedhonestblackfish