7thinningsketch

It's been 25 years since Seinfeld debuted. This was reason enough for saveferris to create another one of those Big Ten teams are analogous to pop culture thing things. I'm about to do one of those ruin the diary by providing spoilers when I argue with its conclusion things, so if you want to add to the discussion do the OP a favor and say it on his post.

Spoiler section: I'm fine with Michigan as Jerry even though starting these things with the home team as the main protagonist is pretty trite. It sets up the rivalries with Newman and Kenny Bania. Big disagreement: you've got Wisconsin and Iowa mixed up. What school falls ass-backwards into things AND is a hipster doofus AND believes in strange deities?

What school is known for its incredible output of big, gumpy dudes who keep pushing handy relationships that feel really awkward?

Also because they're a mechanic who wants to be noticed. I'd make Rutgers Estelle Constanza and Maryland just Frank. 1) Their only connection to this show is their relationship to George (PSU), who stopped hanging out with them when he discovered his other friends. 2) Between the two of them, Jerry Stiller may not be a Seinfeld star but he's still a valuable onscreen commodity who gave us Festivus and other classic moments, and is only annoying because he talks about money too often, like Maryland; Estelle is just a walking "Joisy" stereotype and calamity.

There's a joke about Northwestern going to Florida in here.

If they lived in the Midwest they'd be married already. I once attended a very hip party in Brooklyn. My best friend's wife is like the pinnacle of Brooklyn cool, and she's also just really awesome, thus she interacts in the highest of hipster-professional circles, and one time I was visiting and tagged along to be this Midwestern object of curiosity among indie film makers, neighborhood magazine editors, and one girl who claimed she did irony as a living. My most successful joke was to remark that we here in the Northwest Territories were ecstatic to learn that flannel was back in style. Then I got into a long conversation on the balcony/fire escape about how we tend to get married by our mid-20's, which is really early to them. Maybe it's because there's nothing else to do. Maybe it's because we like our comfort (flannel, remember) more than the bother of drawing things out.

This is all a lead-up to m1jjb00's finding that only four Midwest recruits in the 247 top 300 are still uncommitted. We have fewer top players than any other region, true, but that doesn't explain why 84% of them are already signed to a school when the next closest region is 69% and the average is 61%. Because y'all got commitment issues. #flannelandproud

Etc. Reordering recruiting rankings by % of 4-stars in the class < giving + credit per player; Michigan's ranked low because we have a 10-man class that would be big at 15, and a lot of teams are already past 20 (Mississippi State is at 27 because Mississippi State is the SEC who's the worst at SEC-ing). See: Jake Ryan as Captain America. Also this wallpaper:

[After the jump: a drone flies over the Big House to annoying music, a small change to the helmet that's destined for a "Michigan to Change Its Helmet" headline as soon as such people catch wind of it, and the true story of O-I-H-O.]

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MICHIGAN CHANGES ITS HELMET OMIGOD OMIGOD

OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD oh…

Old	New

Illiterate Ohio State linemen send their appreciation.

OIHO THERE!

Remember this guy from a thread from 2010?

Last week he found our site and explained:

With 5 minutes before we were supposed to walk out on the field they open a big box with all the flags. I noticed the error right away and brought it to the attention of an overworked, overstressed woman who was in charge of coordinating the "parade". She just threw her hands in the air and said, "Just go with it!" - The flags were made locally by a small shop. There was nothing that could be done in time so we "went with it" and had a good laugh. I looked all over the net for about a month to see if anyone had snapped a picture or If ESPN had the video up but I didn't see anything... Until now. I have a picture of us getting ready to go out on the field if I can figure out how to upload it, or maybe I'll just make it my profile pic. :)

I've emailed him for the shot he mentioned.

STATE HATES STATE. On a map of which school an entire state hates the most, Washington-Oregon, Mizzou-Kansas*, and Michigan-Ohio State are the only reciprocities. That battle is so titanic it's spilled over into the rest of the Great Lakes and the East Coast. There were some balloting issues that might still be getting cleared up but if it comes to war** it looks like Wisconsin, New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Connecticut, New Hampshire, and Vermont would fight for us, and Illinois, Indiana, Maine, Massachusetts, Maryland, Delaware, and Nevada (?) would be against us. Most states would just prefer to punch themselves in the face.

* But no seriously getting an SEC network is totally worth cancelling that rivalry.

** They gave us the Upper Peninsula last time we tried to take Toledo. Maybe if we try again we'll get the Iron Range or something.

ZOLTAN FLOATS

Space emperors don't jump.

2014 PROJECTION THREADS

Wot it sayz on th tin. Offense, Defense, Special Teams. If you put a gun to my head right now the App State starting lineup is as follows:

Offense: QB Gardner, HB Smith, FB Houma, Z Funchess-Chesson, X Darboh-Chesson, Slot Chesson-Canteen, TE Williams (Butt not back yet), LT Mags, LG Bosch, C Kugler (Glasgow suspended), RG Kalis, RT Braden.

You'll see the WRs in a heavy rotation so I listed four.

Defense: NT Pipkins (they say he's gonna go), 3T Wormley, SDE Beyer, WDE Clark, SAM Ross, MLB Ryan, WLB Morgan, SS Hill (broken jaw opens door some), FS Wilson, BCB Taylor, FCB Countess, Nickel J.Lewis

Special Teams: KR/PR Norfleet, PK Wile, P Hagerup

ETC. Dat Bull does to WMU what he did to MSU. 4 lyfe! Streeeeeeeeeetch.

Your Moment of Zen

blue barron. Not a fan of the music.