quinten johnson

UFR GLOSSARY is here.

FORMATION NOTES: There's no way for me show them all. Here's Eagle Zero:

SUBSTITUTION NOTES: Slight tightening of the rotations. Graham and Derrick Moore had the most snaps of the DL, with Jenkins, Grant, Stewart, Harrell out there about half the time, McGregor a bit less, a couple drives of Benny and Goode. LBs were mostly Colson and Barrett, with a dozen snaps for Hausmann in place of Colson and two disastrous snaps for Jimmy Rolder. Rod Moore went the whole way (no Sabb) with Paige giving a quarter of his snaps to Q-Jo. Will Johnson came off a snap after the one he overran Harrison; McBurrows got some nickel time before that, and M put Sainristil outside when Johnson went out.

VIDEO NOTES: In recent weeks Fox has been abusing YouTube's awful policies for copyright control to harass anyone with clips from the game without regard to Fair Use. The best you can do is dispute the claim and wait 7 days for them to even bother to check if they violated the law when they blindly issued a strike on your account, and then if Fox denies your dispute you have to escalate to the legal system. This is the plan, and we've been through it before, but it's not very conducive to visual aids in an article that comes out a few days after the game. I put some of the clips on Streamable and will move others over if Fox issues further strikes.

[After THE JUMP: The Greatest Game of Football Ever Played.]

10/14/2023 – Michigan 52, Indiana 7 – 7-0, 4-0 Big Ten

Another week, another slight update to the bolded line you see immediately above. Increment the date, barely adjust the score,—this time I got to leave Michigan's entirely alone and subtract three points from Opponent's line—increment the wins but not the losses. I am aware that this bit of the column has been fairly boring this year, but I can't wax rhapsodic about Yet Another Game Against Opponent. It is not possible. I already used the "lol cut and paste" column conceit this year... in week two. 

The only deviation from the overall narrative of the season was the placement of Michigan's two unsuccessful drives and Opponent's two successful ones. All of those came right at the start, so there was a momentary flicker of… not exactly doubt. Something more than annoyance. Peevishness. Yes, folks, I was peeved.

Then barely more than a quarter later it was 35-7 and I was invested in two things: Michigan continuing their season-long third quarter shutout streak and being up by enough that Jack Tuttle got to play in the third quarter. Check and check. Michigan has still not been in a football game this season.

This has been a positive development for our collective blood pressure and results in a lot of fancy graphs where Michigan is at one end and Iowa is at the other:

Iowa is going to make the Big Ten championship game because of course they are. Michigan, meanwhile, has two giant hurdles to clear before they can say the same, and two more games against deeply overmatched opponents before the first of those hurdles shows up on the schedule. It's natural for a team, and a fanbase, to sleepwalk through a rainy Saturday.

At this point, though… I'd like to be a little nervous. College football is not supposed to be an exploration of the Washington Generals' alternate uniforms.

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At least this week is Michigan State week. Even when Michigan State is abjectly horrible the history of this game brings enough intrigue to separate it from the Indianas and Rutgerseseses of the world. And MSU is abjectly horrible. They're coming off a double Sparty No loss against Rutgers that caused Graham Couch to post a video titled "Michigan State football's epic collapse at Rutgers continues the season from hell" that is, hilariously, on the Detroit Free Press channel. Former beat writer Matt Charboneau ended up in a Twitter fight with MSU fans who thought his Katin Houser take was bad…

Imagine watching your team do this today and your move is to find a post … from April … and act superior. Hilarious. Keep the faith there, big fella https://t.co/ECegJZpNkG

— Matt Charboneau (@mattcharboneau) October 14, 2023

…after Houser threw for 4.6 yards an attempt. His main asset relative to Noah Kim is that when he tried to turn the ball over, Rutgers politely declined.

It is likely that Michigan stuffs Michigan State in a trash can this weekend, but 52-7 hits different when it's Michigan State a year after eight guys got suspended for jumping Gemon Green and Ja'Den McBurrows after a noncompetitive loss. It's not going to be 52-7 because MSU will pull out all the stops as they chase the one thing that could somewhat redeem this karma-laden season, but what's MSU's best-case scenario here? It doesn't have the word "dignity" in it.

That will provide some grim satisfaction, and then one more tune up before Armageddon November.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Fuller]

you're the man now, dog

#1 JJ McCarthy. Sometimes the sheer lack of attempts for McCarthy keeps him out of this slot, and you could argue that a guy throwing the ball 17 times probably shouldn't be up here. But when you complete 14 of them for 222 yards, okay. McCarthy also had 50 yards rushing. He did take a sack or two that was on him, but offset that with multiple escapes that set Michigan up for big plays.

#2 Michael Barrett. A blitzing tour de force from Barrett, who had a sack, strip, and fumble recovery on one thunderous blitz; on a second he forced the QB into the waiting arms of Jaylen Harrell; a third forced a rollout and throwaway even though he drew a blocker. Barrett was able to attack half a man and push through anyway. Michigan has been holding their water with Barrett all year—just 18 pass rush snaps per PFF. Might be time for him to get nosier.

#3(T) AJ Barner, Max Bredeson, and Colston Loveland. Barner and Bredeson continue to plow opponents; Barner also turned in a nice back-shoulder catch. Loveland isn't as forceful of a blocker but led Michigan with 80 receiving yards, including an important conversion on Michigan's third drive and a long improv touchdown. Two points each.

Honorable mention: Blake Corum continues to do Blake Corum things in relatively slim at-bats. Ben Hall led Michigan in rushing and set expectations for next year real high. Jaylen Harrell had a clean-up sack and a strip sack that set up a Mason Graham recovery and club-forward turnover buffs photo. Mike Sainristil deflected a pass that ended up being an interception and had great coverage on a couple other incidents.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

35: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU)
22: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb)
14: Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU)
12: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU)
10: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU)
9: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska)
8: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU)
7: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska), Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn)
6: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV),
5: Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers), AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU)
4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU)
3: Will Johnson(#3 Minn), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU)
2:  Josh Wallace (T3 ECU)
1: Tommy Doman (HM ECU), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU), Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers),Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Kalel Mullings (HM Minn), The Offensive Line (HM Minn), Keon Sabb (HM Minn), Josiah Stewart (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Tyler Morris fields a punt over his shoulder after a weird bounce, dodges the two gunners, and rips off 30 yards to set Michigan up for a late first-half TD that allows Michigan to dominate the "middle eight."

Honorable mention: JJ-Edwards flip, Barrett sack-strip-recover, JJ-Loveland improv TD, Graham one-hand fumble recovery.

MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Keon Sabb bites on a trick play, allowing Indiana to go up 7-0 near the end of the first quarter and asking momentary Questions.

Honorable mention: Colston Loveland drops a ball on Michigan's first play from scrimmage, which helps create a three-and-out.

9/30/2023 – Michigan 45, Nebraska 7 – 5-0, 2-0 Big Ten

This column is about being grateful but first a digression into obscure lexicography, as the readership demands. Despite an Atlantic article that accidentally implies that the noun "fantods" was a neologism sprouted from David Foster Wallace's mother, Merriam Webster asserts that Charles Fredrick Briggs deployed in 1839; indeed, it actually found its way in to Huckleberry Finn:

"They was all nice pictures, I reckon, but I didn't somehow seem to take to them, because … they always give me the fantods."

I think it is probable that DFW's mother is the originator of the phrase "howling fantods," which does feel like a temple erected on top of a previous religion's foundation. Fantods are one thing. When they howl, wow. Buddy. I mean. It's not good.

I was put in this frame of mind in the midst of Michigan's comprehensive dismantling of Nebraska because whilst I was enjoying myself, many other sports fans were not. I was particularly affected by two morose persons in particular. One was Robert Rosenthal, who goes by @alioneye on Twitter and is very likely the world's most dedicated Illinois fan. Illinois is coming off a promising season, and as directed by the laws of Illinois football that means they must immediately descend into the Earth's mantle. Ryan Walters, until recently the Illinois defensive coordinator, provided that via means of a 44-19 hamblasting at the hands of Purdue. Here is a place I have been:

Found it: https://t.co/7g5yifZnba

— Robert Rosenthal (@ALionEye) September 30, 2023

I have been in the Place Of Cheese, except it was more like, you know, alcohol. At some point in the Rodriguez era I responded to news of Troy Woolfolk's injury with a burst of tweets that resulted in this exchange…

@mgoblog you are a grown man drinking tea at 9pm - things are looking VERY down

— TigerCub33 (@Tigercub33) August 18, 2010

…and me hurriedly explaining that yes I was drinking tea but, like Fred Jackson, I was also drinking several other things that may or may not kill me and that I was not entirely certain which outcome I was hoping for. After the JT Was (Probably Not) Short game I poured a double of Lagavulin 16 and wandered around in the wooded area behind my home for 45 minutes before returning to reality. Did it help? Absolutely. Enough? No.

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Depressed sports fan number two was Roger Bennett of Men In Blazers, who is apparently a fan of both Everton and the Chicago Bears. If you responded to this information with a sort of low, keening, sympathetic howl you know more about the EPL and NFL than I do but I saw this from Roger this weekend and thought "I literally wrote this except it was a 600-word column":

Sports fandom meant to be a joy. A diversion. An alternate universe rife with wonder. Not the teams I support. Peddlers only of misery, self-loathing, and pain. A stark reminder only of the truth: Life has no meaning and we are all going to Die pic.twitter.com/XJIjfDw76U

— roger bennett (@rogbennett) October 1, 2023

I first ran across Bennett during the 2014 World Cup, when Men In Blazers was a sort of late-night World Cup recap show on ESPN, and loved their general exuberance about things. To see Bennett brought so low by the things he loves is a grim reminder that two years ago I was declaring Michigan football the least fun program in the whole of sports. And… I mean… it kind of was.

Now that we are not beset by howling fantods about sports we should take a minute to appreciate that this team is not only good but also very fun. After JJ McCarthy scrambled for a 20-yard touchdown, FOX's mics picked him up saying "thank you so much boys" to his offensive line after demanding pretend corn. After Corum walked in later he pretended to salt the OL's corn. Jim Harbaugh reached unprecedented levels of football dad in the locker room after the game:

Jim Harbaugh: “It just came to me that we ought to sing ‘For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow’ to Kenneth Grant for that amazing play that he made. … First time I’ve ever asked a team to sing, ‘For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow.’ It just came over us. The guys liked it. I think it’s a…

— Alejandro Zúñiga (@ByAZuniga) October 1, 2023

The levels of dad Harbaugh is reaching are potentially dangerous, but if there's a fanbase in the country who can adapt and survive it's this one:

This is why @CoachJim4UM is the perfect coach for Michigan, and Michigan is the perfect place for Coach Harbaugh:

Since @ByAZuniga posted this, I've received 2 emails about it, both from Michigan fans explaining the origin of the song at a French battle in the early 1700s. https://t.co/9RnthAEe9z

— Jordan Acker (@JordanAckerMI) October 2, 2023

I don't know where this season is going to end up but I'm delighted that I get to spend some time with these guys every Saturday.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

box score shmocks score [Barron]

you're the man now, dog

#1 Kris Jenkins. Notched a total of two tackles; don't care. On review of the game he was never successfully blocked. Never. I'm sure Seth will find a couple of counter-examples but Jenkins was a primary reason Nebraska's somewhat vaunted ground game went exactly nowhere.

#2 Braiden McGregor. Very hard to pick out another defensive player for the usual reasons—no snaps, everyone does like one thing—but McGregor did three things in this game: he forced the interception with a batted pass that went sky-high, he shoved a tight end into Haarberg on Nebraska's failed fourth and one, and he (like many others) showed Tyler Corcoran his own intestines en route to a sack.

#3 Roman Wilson. You make that catch, you get to be a Known Friend and Trusted Agent.

Honorable mention: JJ McCarthy averaged nearly ten yards an attempt, scored a scramble TD, ate imaginary corn, thanked his linemen to a national television audience, and kissed his girl with twenty minutes left in the game. Only sixteen attempts, though? AJ Barner and Max Bredeson continue to mash faces. Derrick Moore had a strip-sack, a batted pass, and another hurry. Blake Corum weaved through dudes.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

22: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska), Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Nebraska)
11: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers)
9: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska), Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb)
7: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska)
6: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV), Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU)
5: Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV), Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers)
4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers)
3: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers)
2:  Josh Wallace (T3 ECU), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU), AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb)
1: Tommy Doman (HM ECU), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU), Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers), Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Derrick Moore (HM Neb)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Roman Wilson provides his version of the Prothro.

[Barron]

Honorable mention: Kenneth Grant intercepts Nebraska's second play from scrimmage thanks to a McGregor bat; McCarthy rolls away from pressure and fires in a thirty-yard laser for another Wilson TD; Michigan coaches succumb to the clamoring of the internet and agree to call a flea flicker every game.

MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Uh… Tyler Morris muffed a punt, which he then returned for 30 yards?

Honorable mention: A couple of long completions on slants are irritating.