i'm like a bird i only fly away

10/21/2023 – Michigan 49, Michigan State 0 – 8-0, 5-0 Big Ten

Somewhere in this country there is a person making approximately minimum wage who is tasked with finding benign videos to put on scoreboards across the country. It is a hideously dull job and he or she spends most of their time at work staring blankly at a screen, half focused. When something useful shows up, it's bookmarked and put in a bin.

This person is not watching question #28 in a 40-question quiz that takes 16 minutes to get through. After the second question is "what are crayons made of" they put it in the Michigan State bin on the off chance it convinces Spartans to draw with the things instead of eating them*. Then they spend 15 minutes playing solitaire. Some weeks or months later, a jaunty Hitler shows up on the Spartan Stadium scoreboard next to an ad for Meijer.

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pic.twitter.com/DvNk6A3vn5

— Alexander Haenke (@aphaenke) October 21, 2023

That person did not have a bad day on Saturday. That person got fired, shrugged, and had an edible.

That person's boss had a bad day. And that person's boss, and that person's boss, and so forth and so on up the chain until we reach the Michigan State administrator who chewed out a person at Company X after being chewed out himself.

Having to type up "hitler apology.doc" while the team is losing 42-0 to its most despised rival is an actual sports info director nightmare

— Jason Kirk (jasonkirk.fyi on bluesky) (@JasonKirk_fyi) October 22, 2023

These people have living wages and car payments. Our quiz selector has… edibles. You can only lose something if you felt like you had something. The person at the bottom of the totem pole with a life of dull-eyed drudgery stretching out for eons in front of them feels nothing.

This is the bright side for Michigan State fans.

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On the other side of the equation, Michigan dominated a rivalry game to an extent not seen since the 1950s. Every box was checked: abject humiliation, fancy QB stats, taking over the opponent's stadium in the first quarter, revenge for all the various offenses perpetrated.

In the aftermath, Michigan sang a very silly song at piercing volume…

Michigan postgame chants after stomping MSU pic.twitter.com/KNWXpOqXMe

— Ryan Zuke (@ryanzuke) October 22, 2023

…and Mike Sainristil took 12 seconds at the end of his NBC interview—12 seconds NBC did not want to give him—to say "real quick, hey, c'mere, c'mere—real quick."

At this point the interviewer interjects with "Mikey, thanks so much" because she has been directed from on high to get this back to the studio. Mike Sainristil says no, you will not do this, and then he grabs Ja'Den McBurrows and says "the adversity he went through, what happened last year in that tunnel, to come out and have game like he did tonight—an interception, three-four tackles—Ja'Den McBurrows! Stay tuned!"

As he is doing this, JJ McCarthy is putting the imaginary crown on McBurrows, like he does everyone who scores a touchdown, or blocks for a touchdown, or happens to be in the area when a touchdown happens. It feels like he is overjoyed that he can put a crown on someone on defense for once.

Here it is: Michigan does not forgive or forget. But the way they get revenge is to go about their business. Michigan didn't endanger anyone's health or safety outside the rule book Saturday, as the Michigan State athletic department ludicrously suggested they might. They treated Michigan State just like any other opponent… mostly.

It was in the back of their heads, the way a one-sided assault on two innocent players had been both-sided by the media, the way an as-yet unsubstantiated report has caused the college football media's various MSU/OSU partisans and Medill graduates to wishcast absurd punishments on the nation's most dominant team. McBurrows responded by coming after the beatdown had commenced and simply continuing it. Michigan put German Green, Gemon's twin brother, on the field for the last snap and he came up with a TFL.

There's no need for revenge. The fact that this is Michigan's team and that is Michigan State's team is revenge enough.

[Barron]

*[Quiz questions that get filed in the Michigan bin include "What was Erwin Rommel's fatal mistake during the Siege of Tobruk?" and "What is your most passionately held opinion you have absolutely no evidence to support?"]

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Barron]

you're the man now, dog

#1 JJ McCarthy. A confession: I do try to switch it up in the Known Friends and Trusted Agents to prevent the monotony of the same guy being at the top constantly. This is not really possible this year. Your new Heisman favorite was 21/27 for 287 yards and four TDs in 40 minutes of gametime. Agog.

#2(T) AJ Barner and Colston Loveland. Harbaugh probably thought the rapture was going on as Michigan beat MSU 49-0 and his top two tight ends combined for 178 receiving yards and three touchdowns—and it would have been four but for a Donovan Edwards flinch at the end of the half. Barner mostly shed whatever reputation he might have had as a blocking tight end with a bevy of downfield catches, some contested and others difficult. Barner continues to turn in improbable YAC events. Loveland, meanwhile, is pure death whenever he gets a LB assignment. Five points each; they deserve it.

#3 Ja'Den McBurrows. Had an interception and a TFL; had a couple more good tackles in space; dominated a slant route and only failed to get a PBU on it because the ball was wide. Given the dispersion of defensive snaps—he tied for fourth in tackles!—this is only kinda sorta about last year. Dude looked like a worthy replacement for Sainristil. As the man himself said, stay tuned.

Honorable mention: Mike Sainristil had an admittedly free pick six and, more importantly for this section, demanded that NBC not cut away until he could shout out McBurrows. Junior Colson was everywhere; Derrick Moore had a thunderous sack and only missed a second by a bare margin. Kris Jenkins and Mason Graham were entirely unblockable.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

43: JJ McCarthy (#1 ECU, #1 UNLV, #2 Rutgers, HM Nebraska, #2 Minn, #1 IU, #1 MSU)
23: Kris Jenkins (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 BGSU, HM Rutgers, #1 Neb, HM MSU)
15: Mason Graham (HM ECU, T2 UNLV, #1 Minn, HM IU, HM MSU)
13: Mike Sainristil (T3 ECU, HM BGSU, #1 Rutgers, HM IU, HM MSU)
10: Blake Corum (HM ECU, HM UNLV, #2 BGSU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb, HM IU), AJ Barner (HM BGSU, HM Neb, HM Minn, T3 IU, T2 MSU)
9: Roman Wilson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, #3 Nebraska)
8: Mike Barrett (HM UNLV, T3 Rutgers, #2 IU), Colston Loveland (HM Rutgers, T3 IU, T2 MSU)
7: Braiden McGregor(T3 UNLV, #2 Nebraska), Cornelius Johnson (T2 ECU, HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM Minn)
6: Kenneth Grant (T3 ECU, T2 UNLV), Junior Colson (#3 BGSU, T3 Rutgers, HM MSU)
4: Ernest Hausmann (T3 ECU, T3 Rutgers), Max Bredeson (HM Rutgers, HM Neb, T3 IU), Derrick Moore (T3 UNLV, HM Neb, HM MSU)
3: Will Johnson(#3 Minn), Jaylen Harrell (HM UNLV, HM BGSU, HM IU)
2:  Josh Wallace (T3 ECU)
1: Tommy Doman (HM ECU), Donovan Edwards (HM ECU), Tyler Morris (HM UNLV), Semaj Morgan (HM Rutgers),Quinten Johnson (HM Rutgers), Kalel Mullings (HM Minn), The Offensive Line (HM Minn), Keon Sabb (HM Minn), Josiah Stewart (HM Minn), Ben Hall (HM IU)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

JJ McCarthy gets set up with a third and thirteen on Michigan's first drive, gets late pressure, moves out of the pocket, and calmly nails AJ Barner to convert. In itself, not incredible. As an emblem of JJ McCarthy in this game, ah yup.

Honorable mention:  uh… everything else.

MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK: SPECIAL EDITION

Since literally one thing of import went wrong AND MSU center Nick Samac deployed the double bird IN HIS OWN STADIUM, IN THE THIRD QUARTER, this section is dedicated to birds, not bad things that happened. About a dozen people @'d me on Twitter about this even before I asked, and there was a lot of discussion about replacing Marcus Hall with Samac.

I don't want to do this, because Marcus Hall got ejected from a Michigan-Ohio State game that Ohio State won; his birds were a roar of defiance. Say what you want about Ohio State but they're not ankle biters. I feel like having the bad things about a game represented by Hall is fine. My man did some dumb shit and went out on his own terms. There's a level of respect in this section.

Samac's birds were pathetic. MSU was down a billion, Michigan fans had taken over his home stadium, and per Seth's reckoning the Michigan fans' response was to sing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" at him. I'm not dumping Hall for this joker. Just compare the two screenshots we have. Hall is out there with it; Samac seems embarrassed, because he should be.

What I am doing: NICK SAMAC PATHETIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK. I'm not going to issue this after every game, only ones in which something unsporting, cowardly, incredibly stupid, infuriating, unethical, or downright-not-right happens. I'm guessing it'll be about a third of Michigan games and 100% of Michigan-Michigan State games.

Honorable mention: The illegal motion at the end of the half takes a touchdown off the board.

NICK SAMAC PATHETIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK

Spencer Brown gets ejected for a an ultra-targeting on Braiden McGregor:

I'd say suspend him but it's probably meaner to let him play.

Dishonorable mention: Nick Samac issues double birds to Michigan fans that have taken over Spartan Stadium up 42-0 in the third quarter. MSU takes three personal fouls in two plays in the third quarter. A cheap shot on Alex Orji gives Michigan a shot at a seventh touchdown that they take. The replay official in Iowa-Minnesota takes a Cooper DeJean punt return TD off the board for a ticky-tack invalid fair catch signal.

9/4/2010 – Michigan 30, UConn 10 – 1-0 

 
via Michigan Exposures and Spawn of MZone

First there were those two years of almost unrelenting misery. Then there was this offseason, the third consecutive in which seemingly every week saw another stomach-churning burst of negative publicity for things that don't matter very much individually but aggregate like nanorobots gone awry. Then there was all that sitting in the stadium as described on Saturday, envisioning different ways the future could play out, giving each a letter grade and having no grasp of which were likelier than others. Then there was Keith Jackson and a ribbon-cutting and a flyover and fireworks (Amurrica!). Then there was this:

There was a brief moment where I discreetly wiped my eyes and hoped no one was looking, and then there was another flyover.

By the coin toss I was bobbing up and down on an imaginary pogo stick, trying to do anything with the energy that threatened to shut my brain off. I was hyped up, yo. The only thing I can remember like it was Football Armageddon. It's probably for the best that I didn't have anything handy to headbutt.

I had no idea what was going to happen, but there were grades for all of it.

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A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++. Would watch again.

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What was it like for Auburn fans the first time they saw Bo Jackson? For Georgia fans when they saw Herschel Walker? Was it like that?

I can't recall anything similar in the Michigan canon. Braylon had 80 yards against Washington, Hart 124 against San Diego State. Breaston touched the ball eight times. Manningham did once. I'm too young to remember Wheatley's debut. Defensive players are too infrequently involved, and their jobs too arcane, to have the same obvious impact. Receivers, too—even a stellar debut will see the guy touch the ball maybe ten times. It's an accomplishment for quarterbacks when their first starts don't end in flaming disaster.

It's only at running back that you can unearth some guy three standard deviations above the norm at various forms of moving, put him on the field, and give everyone the epiphany of awesome.

But even the debut of one of those Godzilla running backs doesn't compare because Denard Robinson had a Godzilla tailback debut and was one late fourth down conversion away from setting a Michigan Stadium record for completion percentage. Last year he was so clueless he couldn't run the offense, so transparently not a quarterback he went 14 of 31 with four interceptions on the season and played wide receiver against Ohio State. 

So I think this might be literally true: Denard Robinson's performance against UConn was the greatest leap from one game to the next in Michigan history. Possibly college football history. He went from a guy who could not run the offense or throw the ball to one of the greatest statistical achievements* in the history of the program.

Nothing, not even the ludicrous fever dreams on message boards that rivals fans point at and laugh, could keep pace. Expectation was left in the dust by the end of the first quarter. The reasonable best case scenario fell away on the first drive of the second half when Robinson whipped a ball over the middle for sixteen yards on third and eleven. The possibility this was all a dream gave it up on Michigan's final drive when Robinson rolled out and lofted a touch pass to Kevin Koger. Not even fever dreams have that kind of audacity.

By the end, all that was left was reality, as unrecognizable as it is. Rival fans are reduced to stammering "buh-buh-but he'll get injured" in the hopes that will happen before Robinson gets a crack at their defense; 7-5 seems… eh… doable. After last year everyone's fighting to keep their hopes in check; this is proving very difficult indeed.

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I kept biting myself in the second quarter, just to check about the fever dream bit. You build all this up in your mind before the season, think about the way things can go, say "Anything can happen, and the wait is over," and then find out you didn't really believe it. This was not part of the anything after all the months leading up to the pogo stick moment a minute before kickoff.

Because at some point around five minutes left, the energy drained out of the stadium. When Edsall called a timeout to get the ball back it was irritating and people booed. With a minute and a half left, I thought about the cold and what I should eat. I was bored, and thanks to that now I can't stand how far away next Saturday is.

*(313 against Ohio State still wins, I think, but it's hard to come up with anything else.)

Bullets

PREBULLET SECTION OF REASSURANCE! Repeat after me: this was not last year's Notre Dame game.

• UConn is likely better than that Notre Dame team; they beat them last year and returned sixteen starters from that 8-5 team that was so close to a major breakthrough, which is why everyone was calling them a sleeper until the point they were no longer that.
• Michigan won that game with ten seconds left after Charlie Weis called a first-down bomb needing just one first down to kill the clock.
• They got a free, highly irreproducible touchdown from Darryl Stonum.
• They were outgained by 60 yards in that ND game; total yardage Saturday was 473-343, with 42 of UConn's yards on their pointless final drive.

A quick list of downers:

• The Gibbons/Dileo pairing had serious issues. The missed XP was definitely on Dileo and the missed FG seemed like a bad snap, too. Van Slyke's return may actually be more important than you might otherwise expect.
• Burned redshirts have driven me crazy forever and a couple the tossed ones this year boggle the mind: Ray Vinopal played on special teams and Dileo held, though that one may have been forced. I'm not going to throw a hissy about Gardner since when Mike Forcier is saying they "knew there would be disciplinary action" it sounds like Rodriguez was faced with an unpleasant choice between doing the logical thing for your program and enforcing squad discipline, but if Michigan goes into 2014 without a redshirt senior Gardner that will be a major missed opportunity.
• I was irritated they played Will Campbell on special teams because he could redshirt if he's not even second team at NT. This is bad for multiple reasons.
• UConn's quick snap on fourth and goal was a little grrr aarrgh.
• Zero sacks (though Roh should have been given one on a Frazer rollout). Michigan didn't get much pressure from the front three. They did manage to get there with some blitzes but I don't recall anyone beating a UConn lineman straight up. (Roh avoided a cut block from an RB.)

And now that we're done with that:

• One penalty! Three fumbles is more of a downer, but add it up and that was a clean performance.
• Offensive production was considerably understated (and defensive production overstated) by how short the game was in terms of possession. Michigan had eight real drives. I'm not sure what the overall NCAA number is but it must be pretty close to the 11.3 the Big 12 put up last year. If Michigan had 11.3 drives they'd be expected to put up 42 points, which is a lot of points. Yes.
• I hate time of possession. It is a unicorn stat. But people might talk about it a lot this year since Michigan had two drives in this game that ate up more than half a quarter. And given their situation that ability might prove useful: how awesome was it that Michigan got the ball back with nine minutes left and essentially ended the game? How much more awesome would it have been if they were up just seven points?
• Running back concern is overstated. Their YPC was hurt considerably by the final drive, during which they plowed into the line to run clock time and again. Also, Shaw in particular seemed like he had to cut behind a defensive lineman slanting right into the play every time he got a handoff. I thought managing to avoid this guy and get positive yardage consistently was an accomplishment. That say something in UConn's scheme or the play of the line has to be addressed, though.
• It was odd that Hopkins never got in but as the game wore on it became clear that UConn couldn't hold a QB lead draw under five yards, let alone one. I do hope he gets unearthed in the future since those carries are usually low upside and if we're going to spare Robinson some hits it shouldn't be on first and ten. Or, you know, third and fifteen.
• Speaking of, it was a really weird experience for Michigan to run a QB draw in that down and distance and not have that moment of hate during it. My immediate reaction was "yeah, that seems like a decent idea." This was early, though, and it had not yet been established that Denard was capable of going 9 of 22, let alone 19 of 22.
• I have never seen two guys running wide open in as much space as Stonum and Robinson did on the late Robinson-to-Robinson connection. There was one safety trying to figure out which guy to cover and literally no one else for twenty yards. RPS +3, baby. That's the kind of thing that happens in these offenses when the quarterback is such a threat on the ground. When Pat White threw deep, most of the time he was doing so to wide open guys. It's like when Debord ran a waggle for big yardage, except the base offense's run game picks up like six yards a play.
• Speaking of: welcome to Michigan, Terrance Robinson. May you dream shake someone in the near future. (Conversely: surprising lack of Grady, no?)
• After Roundtree went out, there were a few plays on which the skill position guys were Terrance Robinson, Odoms, Grady, Smith, and Stonum. It looked like the Lollipop Guild had run out there, featuring Stonum as Dorothy.
• Mouton's getting good reviews and certainly seemed to be playing well. He brought the lumber on a couple tackles. I wonder if UConn's burst of run competence was Carvin Johnson-injury related?
• The reports on band amplification have varied so wildly that the effectiveness of it must vary significantly based on your location. From section 44 it sounded pretty bad, with a clear delay between the actual band and the speakers; I couldn't hear anything except the drums on the amplification. At least Special K was prevented from doing anything except playing "Don't Stop Believin'" after the first quarter.
  
  Unfortunately, I think that might be an artifact of the jam-packed dedication festivities. There's no time for that old time rock 'n' roll when you're running down the top five plays in Michigan Stadium history (which by the way: no Wangler to Carter? WTF, internet?), introducing a bunch of program icons and Greg Mathews, and so forth and so on. Unless they continue to fill those gaps with stuff, Lose Yourself threatens a return. They should just pick a top five list every week: top five catches. Top five runs. Interceptions, fumbles, comebacks, etc.
• Also: Slippery Rock scores return. I credit Brandon.

Elsewhere

AnnArbor.com photo gallery. Ring of terror. Denard as QB EAGLES. The HSR takes a look at some stats. MVictors has some extra stadium details and bullet points on the goings-on, plus an outstanding SNL reference:

My Q&A session would have gone something like this:

Me: “Do you remember when…umm, Denard ran up and down the field a bunch of times?”
Rich Rod: “Yes.”
Me: “That was so cool.”

The Hoover Street Rag riffs on the B-25 flyover, pulling out the WWII analogies:

The B-25 Mitchell bomber that flew over Michigan Stadium Saturday as a part of the rededication ceremonies was a similar model to the one flown over Tokyo by the Doolittle Raiders. The Doolittle Raid was an audacious plan by an unconventional man who felt a strong sense that, in the wake of Pearl Harbor, America had to do something to strike at the heart of the Empire of Japan, so what better than to design a crazy, shouldn't work on paper, never been tested plan that would break the Japanese of their long-held belief of invincibility, and boost American morale...

If it worked.

Braves and Birds is thrilled he's not the only one anymore. Denard is apparently a P-38 Lightning.

Every offensive snap? Every offensive snap:

The UConn take:

In UConn's only chance to showcase itself against a name-brand non-Big East opponent this year, the Huskies looked more like one of Michigan's typical September MAC cupcake opponents.

And also:

The good: UConn will never have to play against Denard Robinson again, and thank God for that. A few weeks ago I drew the ire of Michigan fans by saying I felt the Huskies had more talent than the Wolverines. Clearly, I was wrong. After yesterday, I'd say that on-balance, for every position but quarterback, the teams are pretty equal, maybe with Michigan grabbing a slight edge. But holy hell what a difference that quarterback makes. Video I had seen of Robinson didn't even come close to doing justice to the monster that he was yesterday. I don't care if UConn always struggles against mobile QBs, Robinson is something special.

Same post:

The good: Michigan fans and Michigan Stadium. I can't say enough good things about the Michigan fans I met in Ann Arbor yesterday. They were a fantastic, friendly and knowledgeable bunch that created an incredibly welcoming and fun atmosphere. Inside the stadium I think the contingent of Husky fans acquitted themselves nicely, but they were completely overwhelmed by the size and passion of the Wolverine crowd. A fantastic experience all around.

This has been the hot rumor the past couple days and TomVH has confirmed that redshirt freshman safety/LB Brandon Smith has received transfer papers and is looking to move on. Hurray.

Smith was a top-100 "athlete" in the hybrid Rodriguez/Carr class who technically committed after the transition had been announced but, like JT Floyd, was a Carr recruit all the way who was just stringing out his commitment for reasons unknown. So this could be a "Carr guy" moving on to a place he'd rather be. In any case it's the departure of one of the most highly rated players in a class entering its third year at a position, be it linebacker or safety, of desperate need.

Smith didn't seem to be working out, as he was too big and slow for safety and spent his game as a  quasi—linebacker starter on skates, but there's zero upside here. He could have put on 20-30 pounds easily—his "frame" was a reason he was rated so highly—and eventually turned into a contributor at linebacker. At the very least he would have been a relatively veteran body on a defense that needs every last potential contributor. BONUS: Michigan can't even add anyone to replace him because of a mysterious but apparently real oversigning change that prevents Big Ten teams from backdating players who enroll early*. DOUBLE BONUS: Before the season I took a look at Michigan's APR and concluded that sanctions resulting from transfers were unlikely, but the attrition has continued at a pace that makes me nervous.

*(Which will definitely help the struggling conference compete nationally.)