fire coach x

I've reached the point where I'm running out of things to say that haven't been covered here ad nauseam already. Oh, look, another disaster so holistic in nature that it's difficult to tell which macro-level issue is causing each of the myriad micro-level problems. It's time to yell, or feel too resigned to yell, whatever makes you feel something.

Here are some stats from today's loss to a previously winless Penn State team.

1. PSU, down to their fourth- and fifth-string running backs, rushed for 272 yards on 5.9 per carry before three late kneeldowns out of the shotgun made the numbers look slightly less catastrophic.
2. The Nittany Lions scored on their opening drive for the first time all season. They covered 75 yards in ten plays.
3. They also recorded a stop on their opening defensive drive for the first time all season.
4. As far into the game as the third quarter, PSU QB Sean Clifford had more total yardage than Michigan's entire team.
5. Quarterback Cade McNamara threw for 91 yards on 25 attempts, but at least there was some explanation: he hurt his throwing shoulder late in the first quarter, had to come off for two drives, and then played the better part of two quarters despite being clearly limited in his ability to pass downfield. He pulled himself after nearly throwing an interception on M's final, desperation drive.
6. The Wolverines rushed for 6.4 yards per carry and still held the ball for under 24 minutes.
7. PSU defensive end Jayson Oweh, who committed two offsides penalties that gained ten yards for Michigan, would've been the seventh-most productive non-quarterback for the Wolverines.
8. James Franklin botched the end of the first half with an unnecessary spike on first-and-goal, leading to a field goal instead of a touchdown. This easily could've been worse.
9. Then again, Jim Harbaugh called for a first-half punt on fourth-and-three from PSU's 43-yard line.
10. The offense finally ran an under-center QB sneak. It didn't work.
11. From The Athletic's Jason Starrett: this is the first time in 1,350 games of Michigan football that the Wolverines lost to an opponent with an 0-5 or worse record.

The state's professional football team of sorts, the Detroit Lions, cleaned house during the game, firing head coach Matt Patricia and general manager Bob Quinn. As Jim Harbaugh reacted in dismay to Joe Milton's sneak being ruled short of a first down, effectively ending the game, ABC showed the news on the ticker below him.

In Detroit's case, the fans knew it was time to move on before the franchise did, leading to a wasted 2020 season. May Michigan's leadership not make the same mistake.

[Hit THE JUMP for the box score.]

Congratulations, you just survived the late-night sickos version of the 2010 Illinois game, or the Jersey Shore version of the 2013 Penn State game, take your pick.

For those who went to bed early or chose to do something worthwhile with their Saturday night, Michigan came back from a 17-7 halftime deficit, blew a late eight-point lead, and pulled out a triple overtime victory—at Rutgers. Until one accounts for those last two words, perhaps there'd be some flicker of hope coming out of this, but the overwhelming feeling for Michigan partisans watching this game was wanting it all to be over: the game and this coaching regime.

Quarterback Cade McNamara's five-touchdown (four passing, one rushing) performance in relief of a scuffling Joe Milton gave life to the proceedings and the Wolverines offense. Michigan's overall play, however, was plagued with issues. It took an impressive effort from the running backs, particularly Hassan Haskins, for the team to squeeze out 4.0 yards per carry. The offensive game plan seemed to get scrapped at halftime again, though at least this time it changed for the better.

The passing defense was a disaster, allowing 378 yards on 8.8 YPA to Noah Vedral, whose previous career bests in games with at least 20 attempts were 252 and 7.4, respectively, both of which he posted last week against Illinois. Vedral entered today's game averaging 5.5 YPA with 5 TDs and 7 picks this season; he threw three touchdowns against a lone interception on the game's final, desperation snap.

This game probably didn't move the needle for you. If you thought this coaching staff had run its course, this was a brutal exercise in watching the reasons for that play out in a long, competitive game against freakin' Rutgers. If you thought Harbaugh deserves more time, a win is a win, and perhaps he found a quarterback. (What it says about the coaches that this happened midway through game five is perhaps a point in the former group's favor.)

With this, uh, bounce back to 2-3, Michigan enters next Saturday with a chance to get to a level .500 against a winless Penn State program in a similar state of disarray. Kickoff time is to be announced. Please, you animals, don't put this one under the lights.

[Hit THE JUMP for the box score.]

If the season's going to be a blazing disaster, might as well see how high the flames can go.

The score somehow understates how humiliating a loss this was for a program that finds itself 1-3 for the first time since 1967. After the first quarter, Wisconsin held a 129-1 edge in total yardage; Michigan had twice as many turnovers as yards. On the opening play of the second quarter, Wisconsin's fullback plunged in for his second touchdown of the evening to make the score 21-0.

The ensuing possession ended when M running back Zach Charbonnet ran for three yards off tackle on third-and-eight. Only a pandemic prevented Jim Harbaugh from being subjected to a chorus of boos. The Badgers covered 74 yards in six plays to extend the lead to 28, which in most video game households means it's time to hand the controller to someone else. If only.

The Wolverines embarked on their best drive of the half—not a high bar, considering their first four went for two interceptions and two three-and-outs. After Chris Evans was ruled down just short of the goal line upon review, Joe Milton lined up in a shotgun formation that tipped a quarterback run. Wisconsin called timeout. Michigan came back out showing the same look and Milton got stuffed on a keeper.

At that point, the program seemed dead-set on becoming a meme, and not in a good way. A play initially ruled a Danny Davis catch and fumble looked suspect on first glance, which didn't stop the official team account from tweeting their ready-made turnover graphic, then having to issue an update:

​

The play was overturned. After losing the chance to put points on the board before the half, Michigan went into the tunnel down a historic number of points:

Michigan's 28-point halftime deficit is Michigan's largest halftime deficit at home since Michigan Stadium opened in 1927.

The 28-point deficit is tied for the largest by a CFB or NFL team coached by Jim Harbaugh. pic.twitter.com/qhLbEmyRrT

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) November 15, 2020

The official tweet was brief.

Half. pic.twitter.com/jGFGqX1PLc

— Michigan Football (@UMichFootball) November 15, 2020

Getting the ball to start the second half, Michigan stalled out in Wisconsin territory, then seized the opportunity to be meme'd again:

On the board. pic.twitter.com/yh1iM71NrN

— Michigan Football (@UMichFootball) November 15, 2020

Huzzah.

Michigan eventually saved some face with an impressive diving touchdown grab by Mike Sainristil, though he caught it from backup Cade McNamara after Joe Milton was benched with 98 yards and two picks on 19 attempts. Milton looked overwhelmed, though he didn't have much help; five Wisconsin ballcarriers finished with more yards than M's leading rusher, Charbonnet, who had 21 on three carries.

In fact, because the defense never figured out how to stop UW runs to the edge all night, the Wolverines finished on the wrong side of a Rushing Rutger: 49 Wisconsin points, 47 Michigan rushing yards. 

A fourth-quarter fullback trap when Wisconsin was killing clock went for 43 yards to set up a touchdown. This is Rutgers-level football from a program that has no business playing that way. Start the search, please. There's nothing left to explore here anymore except the depths.