[Patrick Barron]

Sponsor note. I can say whatever I want in this one since Hoeg is probably knee-deep in spathi right now. This will make for a marked departure from earlier Hoeglaw-related sponsor notes, which were dictated verbatim from the sponsor. Soooo... let's get crazy.

Richard Hoeg has his own small business, which is in the business of helping other small businesses get off the ground and keep running through the maze of contracts that many small companies must navigate before becoming a success. If you've got a small business or are thinking bout starting one he can help you with all the legal niceties.

Woo!

Vitally important. Jordan Poole straps his cat to his chest like he has a newborn.

Just met Jordan Poole at work, and he brought his cat with him pic.twitter.com/Uvzfhi4pyt

— That’s Chuck In The Car? (@Marshall__Law13) September 23, 2018

To go to Target? I think? I don't know.

Injury updates. Harbaugh just told the weekly teleconference that Benjamin St-Juste is out for the year and Luiji Vilain had surgery a couple days ago. Both guys are in that early Mike McCray zone where folks are getting a little nervous. Both guys have spent most of their first two years in AA on the shelf.

Recruit 'em all and let God sort 'em out. This tweet started out interesting and then got real depressing:

Didn’t feel like digging too far into this, but a quick look at how recruiting rankings translate to longterm OL success… pic.twitter.com/jooFpZrZpp

— A David Hale joint (@DavidHaleESPN) September 20, 2018

This shouldn't be interpreted as a shot at recruiting services. When your All-Pros include a walk-on, an Iowa State alum, and two guys so obscure they didn't have recruiting profiles it should be clear that the problem isn't with rankings relative to actual CFB scouting but rather the danged OL themselves.

And then you get into the top recruits, which are an "oh nooooo" if there ever was one: David Dawson. Ethan Pocic, the guy Michigan passed on only to go get a sixth OL later in the class, was a second-round pick. Patrick Kugler. Logan Tuley-Tillman. Chris Fox. All on one chart. Woof.

[After the JUMP: feet, as promised]

Exit Northwestern starter. Jeremy Larkin abruptly retires:

Northwestern sophomore RB Jeremy Larkin will retire from football, effective immediately, due to a recent diagnosis of cervical stenosis

— Brett McMurphy (@Brett_McMurphy) September 24, 2018

Best of luck to him. Larkin had almost all of Northwestern's rushing attempts on the season; his backup is John Moten IV, who's got 12 carries for 21 yards to date. He's a burlier gent than Larkin.

"You guys wanna see my feet?" The Army-Oklahoma game was on PPV for obscure reasons you can discover if you are so inclined. As Army embarked on a potential game-winning drive, the internet blew up as person after person discovered this potentially monumental upset was not viewable. Enter this guy:

 

at one point the oklahoma twitch guy, with 30,000+ viewers, showed us his feet

truly a remarkable moment in college football history pic.twitter.com/5N7mBUp8Ys

— Jordan Heck (@JordanHeckFF) September 23, 2018

I have to admit that I thought the guy's feet would be a little more interesting. Not because feet in general are interesting, but, just, if you're showing 30k people your feet maybe you have some cool shoes or your feet are actually a hyperintelligent family of rodents.

Coach-in-departing? Rumors have been flying that Urban Meyer is furious that he was held even slightly accountable for sheltering a domestic abuser and publicly, repeatedly lying about it. I didn't give those a whole lot of credence until now:

A person close to the program told The Athletic that senior university officials have begun discussions about a “coach-in-waiting” arrangement, meaning he would be Meyer’s eventual successor as Buckeyes coach. The person spoke on the condition of anonymity because the discussions are in progress. Day doesn’t have any head-coaching experience but did have a three-game trial run as Ohio State’s interim coach.

Meyer is 54. Normally that would mean his retirement is a prospect so distant that a coach in waiting deal would not be effective—who wants to wait a decade-plus?—or considered. The only reason "senior university officials" would be considering that move is if they thought there was a chance Meyer is so furious at getting a slap on the wrist for enabling Zach Smith that he might leave. (Or that Meyer might end up getting fired at some p— ha. Good one.)

College football attendance issues in a nutshell. Alabama—Alabama!—is going to cut seats:

Greg Byrne, speaking at Alabama board of trustees meeting, says Bryant-Denny Stadium will shrink below 100,000 seats.

— Michael Casagrande (@ByCasagrande) September 21, 2018

Below a landmark number and everything.

Also, today I learned that Alabama banned a popular song in 2014 because people were appending F-bombs to the end of it. And thus was the scourge of people swearing at football games forever conquered. I dunno man, people doin' things.

Etc.: Barstool is trash. This one's for Craig Ross. Texas is trying to jazz up their crowd. The "Ballers" college recruitment storyline is absurd nonsense. Brian Phillips writes about tigers. Hockey is back on the ice. PSU's third down back is out for the year.