U-M Football Game Five Rhymin' Time - MGoBlog Sonnet 105

Submitted by chatster on
While the federal government was in shutdown mode.
Wolverine fans were worried their heads might explode
‘Cause a Homecoming victory was looking in doubt.
But that close game at halftime turned into a rout.
 
Though not always “accurate*,” Gardner got yards in bunches
With seven grabs for one fifty on his throws to D. Funchess.
There was offensive line shifting and some other nice tricks
Like Jibreel Black’s forced fumble and the Countess "pick six."
 
There were key catches by Jeremy, Jehu and Drew
And TDs for Fitz Toussaint and Derrick Green, too,
And Wile’s fifty-five-yard punt downed inside the one,
But concerns that, for Pipkins, his season is done.
 
So, Jon Falk, you can still keep that Little Brown Jug!
And Drew Sharp ranks Michigan!**  (Must be his new drug.)
 
* Listening to the Mike Patrick/Ed Cunningham RegurgiThon commentary about Devin Gardner’s lack of passing accuracy almost made me want to throw up. 
 
**  Drew Sharp ranks Michigan 24th in the country this week.
MGoBoard
Football
Devin Gardner
Jeremy Gallon
Fitzgerald Toussaint
Drew Dileo
Jibreel Black
Jon Falk
Blake Countess
Matt Wile
Ondre Pipkins
Devin Funchess
Jehu Chesson
Derrick Green
Michigan Football Team 134

UMgradMSUdad

October 7th, 2013 at 8:22 AM ^

Maybe there's a reason people usually do Haikus or limericks.  I'm not sure if it's just that sonnets don't work as well for this sort of thing or if it's this sonnet, but it just doesn't come across very well. The content isn't bad,  but the meter is all over the place.  

Joined: 07/02/2011

MGoPoints: 13185

chatster

October 7th, 2013 at 9:49 AM ^

If I try to write well, but I blow it,
‘Cause I’m neither a bard nor a poet,
Then call it whatever you wish
If you don’t think it’s your kind of dish.
If the meter’s not right with your timing
And it’s not the traditional rhyming
Or the usual sonnet’s designs,
Even though it still has fourteen lines,
And the meter, to you, seems “laborious,”
And the poetry isn’t quite glorious,
Criticize – and disrespect it.
Hate it, berate it, reject it.
I'll take every shot and each curse
And keep rhymin’, for better or verse.

Joined: 09/14/2010

MGoPoints: 26948

Baldbill

October 7th, 2013 at 10:01 AM ^

I have tried here to write a sonnet, I don't think it is perfect but it is closer to what should be to what the OP intended. I used Shakespeare's sonnet #1 as a guide.

 

From ferocious creatures we desire victory,

That thereby our water might never be unclean,

We have done naught but continue history,

The joust tis won, the Jug shall not sally forth:

 

But thou, cruel judges of football prowess,

Grow’st strong upon the hatred of Borges,

Mountains from molehills with claims so bogus,

Anger you sow, but friendship would be gorgeous.

 

Thy defense has bent but not been broken,

Yielding yardage but not many touchdowns,

Mattison hath put in many o freshmen,

And, vocal critics, mak’st waste in scrutiny.

 

                Love this team, or else this arrogance be,

                Having the vict’ries won, vile creatures claim doom.

Joined: 04/09/2009

MGoPoints: 7988

MichiganTeacher

October 7th, 2013 at 11:49 AM ^

The OP is not a limerick. I am not even sure where you guys are getting that from. Maybe the occasional anapest?

It is absolutely a sonnet. There are many different forms of sonnets. The use of the term 'sonnet' in this case is not a stretch by modern sensibilities. http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15287 for example.

As for quality - well, this one is better than many I've seen.

Joined: 10/06/2011

MGoPoints: 9263

Baldbill

October 7th, 2013 at 12:04 PM ^

http://www.sonnets.org/basicforms.htm

http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/5791

 

from the latter site, perhaps it would be a modern sonnet...but I still don't think so. I think EGD has this correct in that it feels like a version of 'Twas the Night before Christmas'.

 

I could agree to call it a poem, but would not agree on a sonnet.

Joined: 04/09/2009

MGoPoints: 7988

chatster

October 7th, 2013 at 12:56 PM ^

So, I’m not a great poet; and now I sure know it,
Thanks to most of the comments seen here.
Some are enlightening; others are frightening;
Some even come with a cheer.
 
While some prefer Shakespeare, Burns, Browning and Yates
And Chaucer and Dante and all of the greats.
And some prefer Kipling, Longfellow and Poe
And Dickinson, Tennyson and some I don’t know. 
And others like Angelou, Whitman and Keats,
I look to some others for most of my beats.
But not Run-DMC or Jay-Z, to be sure.
I turn to Geisel and to Nash and to Moore.*
And others whose lyrics pop up on my screen
Like Yankovic, Simon and Shel Silverstein.
 
Gimme Kodachrome, Green Eggs and Ham and The Tale of The Thirteenth Floor
And Queen of the Silver Dollar, One Fish, Two Fish and lots more.
 
It’s not my real vocation; it’s just how I put some time in,
Writing here on MGoBlog with comments that are rhymin’.
 
* Theodore “Dr. Seuss” Geisel**, Ogden Nash and the man who wrote ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas, Clement Clarke Moore.
 
** One of Geisel’s early collaborators wrote:
 
You're wrong as the deuce
And you shouldn't rejoice
If you're calling him Seuss.
He pronounces it Soice.

Joined: 09/14/2010

MGoPoints: 26948