Space Emperor Nearly Beaten to Death.... (The Onion)

"As of press time, eight of the 12 draft picks remained alive. Although they have largely stuck together, the group has steadily fractured. With dehydration and hysteria setting in, Thomas Welch severely beat and nearly killed Zoltan Mesko with the butt end of the flashlight for eating the last sand cake".....

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bill-belichick-drops-off-recent-draft-picks-in-mid,17352/?ref=d

The writers at The Onion were misinformed, the Space Emperor of Space can not in fact be beaten for he does not truly exist in this dimension, his likeness merely occupies a body for the purpose of world domination.