Media day questions we want answered
Via DJ Gallo. Highlights include:
Brady Hoke, Michigan
What has been the biggest challenge of your job so far, other than finding time to get your work done around people calling and stopping by your office to tell Ohio State jokes?
Luke Fickell, Ohio State
Since you became head coach, have you failed to report any NCAA violations that have been brought to your attention? [Wait for his response.] "No" is exactly what Jim Tressel would have said, too. When can we expect your resignation?
Joe Paterno, Penn State
Would you agree with me that jokes about your age are tired and clichéd and the domain of hack comedians and writers? I SAID: "WOULD YOU AGREE WITH ME THAT JOKES ABOUT YOUR AGE ARE TIRED AND CLICHÉD AND THE DOMAIN OF HACK COMEDIANS AND WRITERS?"
et al. http://espn.go.com/espn/page2/story/_/page/gallo-110721_college_media_d…
Ron Zook, Illinois:
"How the hell are you still here? It's getting weird, right?
Brady Hoke, Michigan:
"If I buy you a coffee, will you tell me which toilet you'll make BM in? I'm upside down on my mortgage."
Bo Pelini, Nebraska:
"Where exactly are you going to recruit now that you aren't in Texas' conference? We don't take many JuCos 'round here."
Edit: DJ Gallo's Bo Pelini question was great: "Your program recently committed an NCAA violation by allowing players to use their scholarship money to purchase recommended course textbooks in addition to required course textbooks. Are you prepared to state today, before the gathered media and the millions of people we will relay your message to, that you will do everything in your power from this day forward to ensure that Nebraska football players never again receive a comprehensive education?"
"When can we expect to see Happy Gilmore 2?"
Over on Maizenbrew they had a similar post but it was questions he won't ask at media day. There were a lot of funny ones: http://www.maizenbrew.com/2011/7/21/2286669/things-i-will-not-ask-at-big-ten-football-media-days
To be honest when I read the questions to Brady Hoke about statistical analysis I laughed out loud.
Who needs manball when you can play mathball?
about suggesting an intense workout had me rolling.
Danny Hope, Purdue:
"First Roundtree, now Bellomy. Who's next to dump you for Michigan? ass hat"
Roundtree dumped Tiller.
Brady Hoke, Michigan:
Will you point at me?
Brady Hoke, Michigan:
"This is...?"
Coach Bielema, you have looked constipated for over half of your life. When are you going to poop?
Coach Dantonio
Is it true that by the time I finish this sentence you will have three players arrested and they will have been reinstated by the time I'm done asking this question?
Coach Bielema
Is there any truth that you have already made complaints to the B1G office on calls made by the refs at your spring game?
Coach Zook
Is your resume up to date?
Coach Kill
Are you prepared to coach your entire career at Minnesota and never see the mythical half of the trophy called the "Brown Jug"?
Coach Beilema
What is your freakin' problem, man?
Coach Dantonio
If Ohio State offered its head coaching job to you, would you accept it solely to allow Michigan fans to consolidate their hate? What's that? Oh, basically what it meant was 'can you go to OSU so we can hate you and them at the same time.'
Coach Kill
What do you mean Glen Mason isn't the coach? And who's this Brewster guy?
Coach Fitzgerald
Providing you were actually offered the UM job... do you hate yourself for your loyalty to Northwestern? Because, you know, I sure would...
Coach Paterno
I'll just save my questions for Coach Bradley. Any new flavors coming out this year at the Creamery?
Coach Fickell
Tell us about the fear that you are living with...
and finally,
Coach Hoke
Can I be you, for like an hour or two, just to experience that level of happiness and fulfillment?
Coach Paterno.
How many brains do you need to eat in a season to sustain your zombie form?
Coach Tressel: Where are you? Wherever you are...thank you!
Me: You remember that time you took the job at Michigan?
Hoke: (pointing) Yes.
Me: That was awsome.
Since you did not have to learn the words to The Victors or read from dozens of books to learn the history of Michigan Football, could you share with us your Top 10 list of the things you were able to accomplish with the considerable time you saved?