Inside the Boxsc

Submitted by ST3 on

     I'm having a little {BANG - BANG - BANG } trouble tonight, stringing together my {BANG - BANG - BANG} thoughts into one coherent {BANG - BANG - BANG} narrative. You see, my wife decided today was a good day to have the {BANG - BANG - BANG} carpets replaced. I've read many MGoPosts about clueless friends who schedule their weddings on Fall football Saturdays. I envy those people. I would much rather have gone to a wedding today than have stayed home watching that game while putting up with that incessant hammering. After 14 years of marriage, my wife still doesn't understand the importance of football Saturdays to me. Though I must admit, with so many recent games being like todays, that importance is waning. She also doesn't understand football. After one particular play she asked, "is it OK to tackle from behind?" Yes, Honey, it's OK to tackle from behind. Since the game started at 3:30PM (more on that later), I was able to watch with my wife and son. He goes to Chinese school Saturday mornings and usually misses the early games. He's only nine, and up until today, he had shown no interest in football. But today, he decided to join me for the second half. In honor of that, I will be using things he said as my section headings. I think you will find them rather insightful.

     I took an Intro to Philosophy course many years ago at UofM. I probably mentioned that before. It's one of the few classes that stuck with me. EECS 216 I've forgotten completely. Anyway, the Professor had an enormous, Jay Leno-like chin, that he used to great affect. He would stroke that chin and ask questions like, "How can you be sure that barn you see in the distance is real, and not just a paper mache barn?" He stressed the 'MA' in mache as if he were Beth Mowins, but I digress. I only mention this as a literary device to introduce the major philosophical questions I am currently pondering. For example, if a tree falls in the woods and no one is around, does it make a sound? That one has bothered me for years. Likewise, if a football team plays a game and no one is there to see the ending, did they still lose to Utah? Sadly, the answer to the latter is yes. #Boxscoredon'tlie (Is that how I do the hashtag thing? Can I use apostrophe's? That just doesn't look right.)

     Before getting to the links, I have to note that Dave Brandon continues to mess with my boxscore. This week, he put a Dodge Dart advertisement right in the middle of it. I've got to upgrade my browser. Anyway, here are the links:

Boxscore link: http://www.mgoblue.com/sports/m-footbl/stats/092014aaa.html

Play-by-play link: http://grfx.cstv.com/photos/schools/mich/sports/m-footbl/auto_pdf/2014-15/box_score/stats_20140921aaa.pdf



Burst of Impetus

* My brother was at the game and texted me, "burst of impetus" after the Willie Henry pick-six. While I'm always on the lookout for impetus-bursting plays, I'll wait for a few plays to see if the momentum has shifted sides, or if that seemingly momentum-swinging play was just a one-off, crazy play. Sadly, that pick-six seemed to wake up Utah (more on that later) and give them the impetus.

* After Henry's touchdown, Utah had a drive to end the half that ended in a field goal, and started the second half with a drive that ended in a touchdown. So instead of momentum switching to Michigan, Utah had the ball for the next 21 plays, gained 121 yards, and scored 10 points before we got the ball back.

* Then it started raining really hard and the impetus didn't matter any more. OK, time to switch to cute things said by a 9-year old.

"What kind of throw was that?"

* Devin Gardner was 14 for 26 for 148 yards, with no TDs and 2 interceptions.

* I'm guessing the DSR in the UFR is going to be really ugly. Even on the completed passes, Gardner was consistently throwing behind his receivers, making them break stride and limiting the YAC.

* The one nicely thrown ball so surprised Funchess that he only reached out for it with one hand, deflecting the ball and causing an interception. Prior to that throw, Gardner had led Funchess into some really big hits over the middle, so that may have been the cause of the alligator arms.

* I'm getting to the point where I'm going to stop reading Brian's previews. I was expecting an offensive explosion due to Utah's position-switchers and whatnot in the secondary. However, after watching them play and hearing Chris Spielman slobber all over them, I'm expecting to see the entire secondary drafted in the first round of the NFL draft next year.

"I thought he was good."

* Yeah, this was also about Devin Gardner.

* He did distribute the ball to 10 different receivers, and finally started using his RBs in the passing game. Green and Hayes caught two passes each.

"That doesn't help at all."

* Referring to Nussmeier's decision to run the ball on 2nd and 22. The play gained zero yards. BRING BACK BORGES! (/ducks for cover.)

* This could also refer to Brady's stubborn decision to stay with the NFL-style punt. We can only hope that giving up a TD on a punt return to Utah finally clues him in. Utah netted 42 yards per punt from a 42.6 yard punt average. Michigan netted 18.2 yards per punt. My crystal ball shows an MGoQuestion coming about the shield punt approach and a, "next question" response from Brady, followed by Brandon revoking the MGoPressPass. I haz a sad.

"I could run better than that. He just stops."

* This was probably after another Michigan run where the ballcarrier was upright and motionless, and got hammered into the turf by a Ute.

* Green did have a somewhat successful day, carrying 14 times for 59 net yards and a 4.2 YPC average. The problem is he gained 20 of those on one carry, and was not able to break free on anything else. It's difficult to sustain a long drive when every set of downs sees you facing a 3rd and 7 or a 3rd and 9 because a run gets stuffed and a pass is thrown behind the receiver. So far, we haven't demonstrated explosive players capable of making explosive plays, so drives plod along, and there is no room for error, but we have a young team and errors are proving to be unavoidable over the course of a 10 play drive.

"Is this live?"

* The problem with the DVR is that my son has lost all touch with temporal reality. I first suspected there was a problem when I saw him watching a cartoon and he asked the same question. No, son, it's a cartoon.

* Unfortunately, I was watching the Michigan game in real-time and had to sit through the commercials {BANG - BANG - BANG} and the hammering, which further dragged out the depressing effects of the game.

* I was hoping it was just a nightmare, but I checked the boxscore, and it was live. #boxscoredon'tlie

"Another huddle? Really?"

* Seriously, my son actually said that. I don't think he reads MGoBlog, and I hadn't said anything about tempo or huddling. So if a 9-year old can watch Utah succeeding with pace, watch Michigan plodding along, and gets exasperated at the huddling, why can't Brady figure this out?

The rest of these are my thoughts...

Brain Abnormality

* Normally, brain abnormalities are off-limits for me humor-wise, but it was pointed out more than once that Utah's starting quarterback has a special helmet due to his brain abnormality. More importantly, he recovered from falling on his head and possibly being concussed to lead Utah to victory, so I feel like it's OK to make an exception in this case. Michigan's football team got beat by a QB with a brain abnormality. Que the Morrissey, "That's the story of my life, the story of my life, 16, clumsy and shy, I went to Ann Arbor and I, was beat by a QB with a brain abnormality, a brain ab-nor-mal-i-ty..." You can sort of make it work if you stretch out a few of the syllables.

* Michigan outgained Utah, 308 to 286 yards. Michigan had 19 first downs to Utah's 13. Stop it, now my brain is starting to hurt.

* So how does this happen, again? Outgaining an opponent and yet, getting clubbed like an immature seal? (We're better than a baby seal, but still... 3 offensive points in 2 games against real teams? Immature seal, man, immature seal.) Obviously, turnovers and special teams factor in. The other thing that's really weird about this team is that the offense can consistently gain some yards, but they can't sustain any long drives. Meanwhile, the defense can sometimes be great and force a three-and-out, or they give up a 9 play, 79 yard drive. There's no in-between with the defense. It's really weird.

* So in really simplistic terms, it's like Michigan has 8 drives of 40 yards per drive resulting in zero points, while the opponents have 4 drives of 0 yards and 4 drives of 80 yards. Advanced baseball stats look at expected runs based on the number of hits you get. If the hits are clustered, you'll score a lot of runs. If you are unlucky, the hits get spread out evenly over 9 innings and you get shutout. Are we just extremely unlucky this year? Might there be some truth to that pissed off gypsy Brian keeps mentioning?

Miscellaneous

* I can't believe they threw the ball to Funchess on the first play of the game and got him injured in the process. There's a whole game to play, how can you risk getting him hurt on the first play? /s

* The boxscore shows the game starting at 3:36. Weather is listed as, "Cloudy with rain." The next line reads, "GAME INCLUDES A WEATHER DELAY OF 2:24." Good God, they finished that thing?!? And why is my boxscore yelling at me?

* So I've been promising a discussion of the start time. Well, here it is. Everyone knew the rain was coming. I even saw someone on Friday predict a 29-29 score with the game cancelled by lighting in the third quarter. How was this game allowed to start at 3:30PM? I've witnessed numerous occasions where games were moved DAYS due to weather concerns, although this usually only happens in Florida during hurricane season. Why didn't someone from the Athletic Department tell ABC to shove their 3:30 kickoff and do what was best for the players and the fans in attendance and move that game up to noon? This would also have the beneficial aspect of getting the west coast (well, mountain west) team to play the early game in the eastern timezone, which for anyone who bets pro football knows is a lock for the home team. But no, the game had to start at 3:30, Utah got their wake up call from Henry's TD, and the yardage-balanced rout was on.

* I'm skipping TFLs this week. That would just be piling on at this point.

Since it's "Bo's Lasting Lessons" theme-year here at ItBS, let me leave you with this quote from the book:

 

The top job is too complicated to rely on instincts and inspiration alone. If you're not organized, you'll end up spending too much time taking care of the small stuff when you should be taking care of your people and their concerns.

That's why we organized everything we could months before our guys got into that huddle. Twenty-five seconds!

 

Does that sound like a Brady Hoke coached team? I mean, it's year four already. I'm starting to think he didn't learn enough from Bo.

Comments

treetown

September 21st, 2014 at 10:23 AM ^

There are all of the typical issues (it would be a great case if only it wasn't the Wolverines)

1. Once dominant field leading firm now slipping and is in steep decline. (obvious)

2. Problems with successors after initial "founders" retire from the scene. (After Carr - well, we all know this, initial Bill Martin search, subsequent Dave Brandon search)

3. Problems adapting with a changing business environment. (Dave Brandon's alienation of the students, rigid pricing structure regardless of schedule)

4. Clinging to the myth and patterns of the past without really integrating the meeting. (the whole Michigan Man thing - Bo and Fielding Yost are the very definition of Michigan Men, yet NONE of them had primary Michigan roots, so let's focus on their abilities and characters and not just their pedigrees)

5. Attempts at quick fixes and papering over problems. (Bringing in different assistant coaches, strength and conditioning people...)

6. Use of gimmicks to keep up business volume while not making fundamental changes. (loud rawk music, flyovers, air shows, theme shows, give aways, ... heck let's bring back Band Day, discount tickets...)

I have to stop here because there is enough material now to rival a lot of big companies. Put another way, there has been a lot written about the decline and fall of Borders, the decline and fall of pre-bailout GM and the decline and fall and (I hope) recovery of Ford Motor Company, but overlooked in SE Michigan is the decline and fall of UM Football another multimillion dollar enterprise declining and failing before our eyes.

ST3

September 21st, 2014 at 10:29 AM ^

refers to the fact that for the non-ESPN3 savvy audience, the game effectively ended with 7:34 (or thereabouts) still left on the clock. The title is not complete because the game was not complete, for me at least.

I don't think you are insane, but you may have a brain abnormality.

Cranky Dave

September 21st, 2014 at 10:07 AM ^

maybe your son can get hired as an assistant head coach and just ask the other coaches the same obvious questions.

Maybe we'll set a record for most losses in a season when out gaining opponents.

reshp1

September 21st, 2014 at 10:12 AM ^

Regarding consistently gaining yards and not scoring, I don't think it's luck and that our yards just happen to come between the 20's. Our offensive style relys on stringing play after play after play together. It's like a self inflicted "bend don't break" for opposing defenses. We don't (or can't) push the ball downfield, we can't run the high percentage running plays consistently, we constantly get to 3rd and long and have to convert low percentage plays, etc. There's just not much room for error when you play that way. I haven't decided if I'll do my diary this week covering how drives ended, but from memory anytime we had a penalty or sack or negative play, the drive was pretty much doomed.

 

bronxblue

September 22nd, 2014 at 7:21 AM ^

I don't remember EECS 216 either; apparently it is a signal processing class that I'm sure I took and immediately forgot because I had no intention of working on a chip unless it came in a bag or on a cookie.

Great write-up as usual.  It is infuriating to watch this team move the ball between the 30's but not be able to score against two "real" teams.  As for Funchess being injured on the first play, I have to suspect that there are still lingering issues from ND that cropped up, at least in part.  I swear it is going to be one of those high-ankle sprain-types you always hear about during the season and saps the guy's efficiency.