Talking Trash Tuesday - Best You Ever Saw or Did
Mates,
Related almost always but not exclusively to sports, is the idea of 'trash talking', sometimes called 'talking smack'. I can remember guys I played with and against, and even opposing counsel on a couple of occassions talking some serious trash. We see it on TV, you hear it on the field, and indeed, some of you may have had your moments. So with a nod to Jeepin' Ben and Talking Cars Tuesday, the Talking Trash Tuesday question is this:
Who/When/Where was the best trash talking you have ever heard, or in your own right, have you ever dished out?
XM
was years ago playing golf. I was young and an idiot who would get pissed on the golf course about bad shots and throw clubs and stupid crap like that. I was playing with an old guy who stayed pretty quiet during the round.
About half way through the round I was pissed about another bad shot and this old guy looked at me and said why do you get so mad your not that good of a golfer..... I just looked at him and then started laughing and said your right I'm not and just acting like an idiot.
One of my coworkers was a Sparty and we would write trash talk on each other's white board during hate week. I ended up writing the entire Victors lyrics on his board one morning before he got in, then rigged up one of those singing greeting cards that played the Victors to his eraser. Of course, as soon as he sees the lyrics, he snatches up the eraser to go erase it and our glorious fight song rang out for all in the office to hear.
My brother was playing junior league hockey the the old IMA arena in Flint, I was about 14. The refs were horrible, per usual. We were sitting about 10 rows from the ice, just in line with the top of the glass.
After the period change, the refs came out to start warming up the fresh ice, and as they skated past us, I yelled out "Where'd you leave your seeing eye dog?" The head ref looked right at me, and everybody cheered.
He didn't skate near us again the rest of the game.
Bunch of ND fans were talking trash to us as we were walking into the stadium. This was the game where Denard went nuts in 2010. Anyway, I hit them with the "It's been a little bit, when are you guys gonna return to glory?" This was enough to get them to stutter over themselves multiple times. Sublte, yet effective. Me 1 ND Fans 0. Very much a precursor to the game.
As my high school football team beat our rival for the 10th year in a row, their fans began leaving en masse. I yelled after them "You're not beating traffic, you're making traffic!"
I grew up in Tampa, and my freshman year was when the Rays finally got their asses out of mediocrity and made the World Series. I hardly ever paid attention to them prior to then, but just like every other bandwagoner, I jumped right on during the postseason run and pretended like I was a die-hard. Anywho, after they lose to Philly I'm wearing my Rays hat to class and some kid who's clearly from Philly makes a beeline for me and asks "Did it hurt?"
Me being a perplexed and completely oblivious freshman, I had no idea what he was talking about. Of course I asked "did what hurt?" He smugly responded back with "when you fell off the bandwagon." He then just kept walking
I thought he was an absolute dick at the time, but as I've thought about it more over time I just laugh about it. Made me realize that I was never a true fan and I only started caring because they were finally good for a change. Pretty much never wore my Rays hat again after that day.
I'd say he got me pretty good. But now that the Phillies are hot garbage again I'm guessing he's not overly happy.
My wife teaches physics and whenever someone gives a wrong answer or says something dumb she says "Roll Tide" as she rolls her eyes. It's taken off and it's a Sarasota High thing not just a Laurie's physics class thing.
We were selling our house and the realtor was showing us the aerial photos and explained it looks bigger when photgraphed from above and wife turned to me and said, "good we should get one taken of your cock."
I was walking around near Georgetown in D.C. and noticed a cop writing a ticket to a parked car.
The parked car was a green and white Jimmy 4x4 that was completely decked out as an MSU vehicle....vanity plate, antenna flag, bumper tickers...iterally covered in Spartan stuff.
I waited for the cop to move along, procured a blue pen and proceeded to write GO BLUE! in large block letters on the comments section of the ticket.
It was a FAT ticket too, $200+ though I don't remember specifically what it was for.
I hung around for a few minutes to see if I could get a glimpse of the driver returning, but had to go.
about 10 years ago, my buddy and I where in Rosarito, of course rolling blank tape (drunk), and decided to sign Karaoke at a bar. We sang "California Dreaming." looking back it at, suprised Im hear to tell the story.
So, "lol highschool football" story and all, but back in highschool my football team, we were good, won state championship in 2003 my senior year good. We talked a LOT of crap on the field, so much now I can't even remember most of it.
But one sticks out the best to me and never saw anything like it. We were playing a rival team, at least a team that considered themselves to be rivals. They too liked to talk a lot of crap, especially when it came time to play us. This team being in our conference, we knew these kids well, and essentially, without realizing it at the time, grew up together, so while we "hated" these kids, some of them I'd still probably recognize today as adults. Both teams coming into this game were undefeated, but we knew they couldn't hang with us. They were easily the second best team in our league, but still no where close to being able to hang with us.
Long story short, we're kicking their butt, I don't remmeber the score anymore, but it was demoralizingly bad. Third quarter, we get one more possesion as the starters, but we're winning a lot to a little, and our coach told us we're going to run nothing but Iso's. So, we get the ball, and our center litterally says to this LB that had been talking all game, "we're not going to do anything but run between the tackles, good luck!" He replies back with something like "Bullshit" but then we did it, racking up like 5+ yards per play.
Couple plays go by we get a first down, center says "OK same exact play as last time except this time going left." Again a "bullshit". And yet, same play. Next play we line up, center says again, "we're litterally going to run an Iso between the guard and tackle" and I look up, being the tackle, and I say "right here, the play is going right here" and I point between me and the guard this time they don't say anything, but shift their alinement a little Sure enough, the play goes right there and our RB breaks free for what was like a 10-20 yard touchdown.
The LB shit-talker almost starts crying (maybe he did) and ran off the field throwing a fit. Of all the talking we did, in all the games we played, that one I remember the most, and it's to this day, the only story I really tell when I tell someone about my football career.
I was at a game several years ago where Michigan was stomping Wisconsin. There were a couple of students sitting behind us who were obviously hammered/high as kites and were proving to be very entertaining in their commentary on any manner of subjects. As the Wisconsin fans had seen enough and were filing out of the stadium one of the geniuses is standing up and waving at them, saying "Bye! See ya later! Sorry about the game!" And then he adds: "But Fargo was a good movie though!"
I always thought that was just the greatest burn because of course Fargo is in North Dakota and the movie takes place mostly in Minnesota but, you know, Wisconsin is just basically the same thing.