the office

Dwight-dwight-schrute-16214468-595-324

PREVIOUSLY in this vehicle where we draft Big Ten players and make fun of each other:

Rounds 1-3: We are summoned by Brian and duly take all the quarterbacks before he can draft one.

Rounds 4-7: Suddenly Heiko goes full Millen with the receivers

Rounds 8-12: Seth nabs Kovacs, Brian gets revenge.

Rounds 13-17: We all start reaching for Wolverines HARD.

Rounds 18-22: Doctor Vorax is revealed.

The teams are defended, readers vote, pre-season All Big Ten Team is chosen, receivers are lamented, Googledoc spreadsheet of handiness is created, offense/defense at the midpoint.

Your bloggers are rejoined at the conclusion of the 2012-'13 season in the conference room of a fictional paper company in Scranton, Pa., the "Electric City." A man in a brown suit enters, smelling of beets…

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Good morning, [makes quote fingers] M-Go [/fingers] Editorial Team,

It's a new year, which means it's time for your annual performance reviews. Since your office manager is not here at this moment, I Dwight Schrute, have taken it upon myself to uphold and undertake this most sacred of office rites.

Who am I? Well I'm the assistant manager of MGoBlog. I've been Brian's #2 man since 2005. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like a cross between Mozart and Greg Mattison. And I’m like…um…Mattison's friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and gregdavisBrian is like Wolfgang Amadeus Greg Mattison Beilein Iron Man Schembechler. You try and hurt Brian? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Unfortunately you bloggers were too incompetent to keep any records, thus I was sadly left with only one comparative metric by which to base any raises or bonuses. You see it seems earlier this year you all picked fantasy teams of Big Ten players as a way of getting out of writing a real pre-season all-conference article. You called it the "Draft-o-Snark," and thought it was pretty funny. Well who's. laughing. now?

Oohh didn't take it seriously? Greg Davis was coaching some of your players? A med student ran off with all the other quarterbacks before you thought take one? Boo. Frickin. Hoo. FACT: if a bear is attacking you and the only way you can defeat it is by driving 80 yards for a touchdown, the bear doesn't care if your only QB was turned into a tailback by an ulnar nerve compression. Because he's a bear.

THE TEAMS:

Pos The Aceconsin Cheesebenders:
AceG
Brian Cook's Flyin' Zooks:
Briang
Dr Heiko and the mad fitzmillens:
HeikoG
Seth's Smurfy Spread n smurfs: SethG
QB J. Vandenberg, IA N Scheelhaase, ILL B. Miller, OSU D. Robinson*, M
RB Montee Ball, WIS† LeVeon Bell, MSU† T. Martinez*, NEB R. Burkhead, NEB
Swing James White, WIS Fitz Toussaint, M James Morris*, IA J. Gallon, M†
WR Devin Smith, OSU J Abbrederis, WIS Kyle Prater, NW Kenny Bell, NEB†
Kain Colter, NW Martin-Manley, IA D. Gardner*, M R. Roundtree, M
Keenan Davis, IA M. Gray, MIN D. Arnett, MSU Kofi Hughes, IND
TE Stoneburner, OSU C. Fiedorowicz, IA Dion Sims, MSU J. Pedersen, WIS
OT R. Wagner, WIS Taylor Lewan, M Fou Fonoti, MSU M. Schofield, M
Havenstein, WIS J. Mewhort, OSU Ben Cotton*, NEB J. Sirles, NEB
C T. Frederick, WIS Stankiewich, PSU B. Vitabile, NW James Ferentz, IA
OG S. Long, NEB Ryan Groy, WIS Patrick Ward, NW Graham Pocic, ILL
Brian Mulroe, NW C. McDonald, MSU P. Omameh, M Ricky Barnum, M
DT Ondre Pipkins, M Beau Allen, WIS Jordan Hill, PSU J. Hankins, OSU
Will Campbell, M A. Spence, ILL Steinkuhler, NEB K. Short, PUR
DE C. Meredith, NEB R. Hageman, MIN Craig Roh, M Marcus Rush, MSU
W. Gholston, MSU John Simon, OSU M. Buchanan, ILL L.Thomas*, MSU
LB M. Mauti, PSU D. Morgan, M M. Bullough, MSU W. Compton, NEB
Mike Taylor, WIS D. Allen, MSU K. Demens, M G. Hodges, PSU†
C. Borland, WIS Jake Ryan, M R. Shazier, OSU† J. Brown, ILL
S Supo Sanni, ILL D. Stafford, NEB C.J. Barnett, OSU Jordan Kovacs, M
I. Campbell, NW C. Bryant, OSU Isaiah Lewis, MSU T. Gordon, M
CB J. Adams, MSU B. Roby, OSU J.T. Floyd, M J. Johnson, PUR
R. Allen, PUR T. Hawthorne, ILL D. Dennard, MSU Micah Hyde, IA
C. Avery, M B. Countess, M C. Norman*, MSU Stoudermire, MIN
K Dan Conroy, MSU Mitch Ewald, IND Brett Maher, NEB Drew Basil, OSU
P C. Webster, PUR A. Maxwell*, MSU D. O'Brien*, WIS B. Buchanan, OSU

* Player out of position (e.g. half of Heiko's team). Bolded dudes = consensus All Big Ten picks from us. † = All-B1G tie.

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Question number…the first. Pick a player nobody drafted whom you should have. Any Wolverines? [we split these up so we don't all shout "ROBINSON…NOT THAT ROBINSON!"]

HeikoG: You mean Allen Robinson of Penn State who led the conference in like every receiving category whom nobody thought to take despite like 13 receivers being drafted?

Never heard of him.

Briang: I would have made up a rule to prevent Heiko from taking Taylor Martinez with his second pick. And... um. Oh God. I would take Matt McGloin instead of Scheelaase. BIG TENNN. Penn State's Kyle Carter was instantly the best TE in the league, though I blame Greg Davis for assassinating Iowa's passing game for part of that, and Venric Mark was both an All-American punt returner and an incredibly dangerous plain ol' running back.

AceG: We also managed to overlook an impact defensive lineman from an unlikely source—Minnesota's D.L. Wilhite, who tallied 8.5 sacks this year, just 0.5 off the conference lead. Quinton Washington is the clear candidate for overlooked Wolverine.

SethG: We probably dipped too far into the Michigan well to be honest, though Roundtree is 100% worth it if the only catch he made all year was the Northwestern one.

I made Heiko cover Allen Robinson so he could stew over all the useless receivers he drafted early. Also so I could cover Nebraska's senior DE Eric Martin, whom his teammates call "Caveman" because he burrows under offensive like he does bloggers' metaphorical radars. The senior had 56 tackles, 16 for loss, and 8.5 sacks and an additional 14 hurries, not to mention batting down a bunch of passes (amazing since he's only 6'2) and once hitting Russell Bellomy so hard it crushed my soul. I wish to Denard I'd decided to draft him instead of...

Now you jump, when I say.

dwight-schrute-celebration-jump