jim harbaugh philosopher king

10/20/2018 – Michigan 21, Michigan State 7 – 7-1, 5-0 Big Ten

No ghosts, no magic, no secret sauce: there's nothing hidden in Michigan State's recent run with Paul Bunyan. Most of the time they were a better football team than Michigan, and better football teams tend to win football games. All the noise was just that. Michigan lost games because they were bad football teams run by bad football coaches.

But holy hell, you just try to believe that when it's 7-7 despite a second quarter spent entirely on the Michigan State side of the field and it's raining and Michigan's fumbling like Urban Meyer trying to get his story straight and MSU's backup punter spears a disaster snap out of the air with one hand.

The Spartiest Spart of all Sparts.

The punter goes all OBJ, then booms a 60 yarder. Because, of course. pic.twitter.com/UwtUi2ZFkd

— Due# (@JDue51) October 21, 2018

Then he hits a 60 yard punt, which is nearly double his season average. If the Black Pit of Negative Expectations didn't rise up and claim you then, you are a better human than I. The rain, and the turnovers, and the improbable thing by the guy in the thing with the rain… etc.

Fortunately, it turns out that being a vastly superior football team is still a good way to win football games. The rain cleared, the five-star quarterback threw a pass to the five-star wide receiver for a 79-yard touchdown, and that was more or less that. All over but the shouting.

But this is Michigan-Michigan State, so the shouting is the main event.

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Jim Harbaugh described the pre-game dust up as "bush league," and that was about right. If you are a human like me who has been infected with the Lebowski virus your immediate thought was the Jesus ranting about BUSH LEAGUE PSYCH-OUT STUFF. And that's what it was.

There is no other reason to roll out on to the field in helmets and no pads—because that's a thing people do—ten minutes late, when you know various Michigan players will be on the field for their allotted whatever. And there's no other reason to walk through those players with your arms locked. Hell, it probably worked. Devin Bush went full Rick James on the Spartan logo at midfield shortly after; he picked up a mystery unsportsmanlike conduct flag in the first half.

In the aftermath, MSU beat writers are going into more detail about a confrontation that doesn't even warrant the term "kerfuffle" than any one of the many incidents that ESPN turned up when they investigated the Spartan athletic programs in the aftermath of Larry Nassar. The word "class" has been uttered. This is all a distraction.

Shouting is warranted. Shouting about some goons holding green bones trying to pull an imaginary one over on a team that will hold them to 93 yards of offense in the near future is not. Michigan State is, has been, and will be trash. Shout about that. Michigan State deserves no respect and should be treated with nothing but contempt.

#96 trash. Resulting to intentionally trying to hurt my teammate. pic.twitter.com/SV5cuoLW6O

— Michael Onwenu (@_MXKEY) October 21, 2018

This has always been true. An event like the above happens about every third year. That, too, is a sideshow.

This weekend on WTKA, Lorenzo White openly joked about the giant piles of steroids MSU was doing the last time they were relevant. This is a widely-reported fact that did not prevent George Perles from becoming an MSU trustee. An internal investigation cleared Perles; in 2008 Tony Mandarich admitted his steroid use and told Armen Keteyian that by the time he reached the NFL he was addicted to painkillers. It is an open secret that MSU did zillions of steroids in the early 1990s and that Mandarich exited Michigan State a ticking timebomb. Not only did MSU let that guy escape with his undeserved dignity intact, they put that guy on the board of trustees.

I mean, why not, right? The rest of the board consists of former football players, infamous slumlord/booster Joel Ferguson, the grandson of the guy the basketball arena is named after, and a couple people who don't even have a good reason to be a shameless lickspittle in the face of incontrovertible evidence that the institution they nominally govern is a failed enterprise. Collectively they said Lou Anna Simon should keep her job after the worst sexual assault scandal in the history of the United States.

So fuck Michigan State. Fuck their football and basketball teams especially, as they are the main drivers of the deranged culture that enabled Larry Nassar. There is a straight line to draw between Perles and the rest of his board to Mark Hollis to Lou Anna Simon, all of it enabled because Michigan State got to beat big brother in some sports sometimes. Nobody in power at that university cares about the woman subjected to Keith Appling and Adriean Payne's charms, or Auston Robertson's victim, or Travis Walton's, or the various people subjected to the presence of Michigan State players in events that weren't sexual violence but were sure as hell violent. So why would they care about insistent reports dating back 20 years about a doctor abusing gymnasts?

Well, you see, sometimes we get to rub the big in-state school's nose in it. So, obviously. It's all good.

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There's an undercurrent in the Michigan fanbase that MSU is beneath notice. This is wrong, but I get it. There was a point in time in the past when the best revenge was celebrating with Paul Bunyan in the locker room. This is no longer the time we have, for various reasons. One is Michigan having various bad football teams. The other is what happens when MSU is beneath notice.

[Patrick Barron]

You've been noticed. We see you for what you are.

Well Jim Harbaugh just doubled down on calling Michigan State "bush league." Pulled out a piece of paper and read an old quote from Mark Dantonio: "It's not a product of the team. It's a product of the program."

— Nick Baumgardner (@nickbaumgardner) October 22, 2018

HIGHLIGHTS

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Barron]

you're the man now, dog

#1(t) David Long, Lavert Hill, and Brandon Watson. The main drivers of a 5/25 passing performance. Joel Klatt, a former quarterback, reached untold depths of despair when trying to describe what Brian Lewerke was seeing downfield: absolutely nothing. Two points each because they're made up and don't matter and this section probably should have highlighted them more this season but doesn't because they barely get thrown at.

#2(t) Chase Winovich and Josh Uche. The other half of the dominant pass performance; three sacks between them, with Chase chipping in his usual level of run pursuit.

#3 Donovan Peoples-Jones. It was just one catch, but it was a good one.

Honorable mention: Karan Higdon had a Chris Perry kind of day. Shea Patterson had ups and downs but his legs are now a thing. (Don't tell any DCs about that.) The OL got another collective W.

KFaTAotW Standings.

8: Chase Winovich (#1 ND, #3 SMU, #1 NW, T2 MSU)
5: Karan Higdon (#1 WMU, #3 Nebraska, #3 Wisconsin).
4: Devin Bush(#3 ND, #1 Nebraska), Rashan Gary(#2 WMU, #2 Nebraska), Shea Patterson (#3 WMU, #1 Maryland), David Long(#2 Wisconsin, T1 Michigan State).
3: Zach Gentry(T1 SMU, #2 Maryland), Juwann Bushell-Beatty(T1 Wisconsin), Jon Runyan Jr(T1 Wisconsin), Donovan Peoples-Jones(T1 SMU, #3 MSU).
2: Ambry Thomas (#2 ND), Josh Metellus(#2 SMU), Brandon Watson(T1 MSU), Lavert Hill(T1 MSU), Josh Uche (T2 NW, T2 MSU).
1: Will Hart (#3 NW), Mike Dwumfour (T2 NW), Kwity Paye (T2 NW), Khaleke Hudson(#3 Maryland).

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

[Patrick Barron]

Donovan Peoples-Jones gives Michigan the winning margin in one giant play when everyone in the world thought a coinflip slog was in the offing.

Honorable mention: Jordan Glasgow rakes out a fumble. BPONE mitigated by a couple of deflected catches. Patterson stands in and hits Collins for a first-half TD.

​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Chris Evans fumbles to set Michigan State up at the 7, leading to a tie game and many sufferers of BPONE.

Honorable mention: Karan Higdon stumbles into the mesh point for another fumble. MSU's punter goes combo OBJ/Orin Incandenza. Patterson dorfs a couple of fairly easy TDs. The entire second quarter of implausibly not scoring.

[After THE JUMP: a SQUIRREL (not Devin Bush)]

The intrepid Pardon My Take gents provided a window into the rabbit-on-speed soul of Jim Harbaugh after their interview with him last week, and I have not been able to close this tab.

Little behind scenes peak here at Harbaughs quote board. My personal favorite "aint hard being football player when your a football player" pic.twitter.com/jLMcWEEXfm

— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) May 24, 2017

I have looked at these quotes. I have considered them. There are 25 of them, serendipitously. In the greatest of Harbaugh traditions I now propose to rank them, top to bottom. Then I can close the tab.

#25: Addition By Subtraction

PROS: May portend good things about Michigan's offensive line this year?

CONS: Unremarkable phrase frequently said by sane persons. Not a full sentence. Does not make me think deeply about how I can improve as a football player and/or person.

#24: Lead Like Truman

PROS: Truman was a nondescript senator chosen to be vice president largely because it wouldn't piss off too many people. He was thrust into leadership towards the end of WWII after FDR's death, and he made some brutal choices. As a "make a decision and go" exemplar there are few better.

CONS: Fred Astaire was really good at tap dancing! It was, in fact, his job to tap dance. Out of this context, telling someone they are like one of the most famous and dexterous movie stars of all time is a compliment. The whole second half of this quote is unnecessary. "Don't dither" would be more accurate and, appropriately, shorter.

#23: Fat Is The Enemy Of Speed

PROS: Accurate. Useful advice for tight ends and fullbacks.

CONS: Too straightforward to be profound. Not at all weird.

#22: I shouldn't have to pester or harass you

PROS: I mean, yeah. Spelled "harass" correctly, which I can't do on the first try.

CONS: There are a number of fairly-interchangeable scolding help-me-help-you quotes on the list that we're about to knock out in a row.

#21: I'd like to help you

PROS: "Now that's important" at the end is kind of weird, right? It sort of feels like you're in a room with your coach and he says something to you and then he starts talking to himself.

CONS: see above

#20: I actually know what I am doing.

[ED note: assumption is that the second sentence is "When are you going to figure that out?"]

PROS: Michigan has a football coach who can say this in front of a room full of people without that room bursting into laughter.

CONS: see above

#19: A fundamental prerequisite of high integrity

PROS: Well, yeah.

CONS: uppers and lowers are all over the place.

#18: Got where I am by rolling up my sleeves

[Editor's note: assumption is that this quote reads "Got where I am by rolling up my sleeves, delegating nothing, taking everything personally"]

PROS: While the delegation part can't be true, the taking everything personally damn sure is. Leaving out the "I" gives the sentence a brusque vigor.

CONS: "Personnally" typo.

#17: Change the "I" to a "E"

PROS: Scare quotes. A+ somewhat cheesy motivational quote.

CONS: Cheesy even in the coach motivational quote genre, right?

#16: We can't create, invent, or pioneer

PROS: Underline and big bolded INTERESTS provide focus on the meat of a veritable thesis statement. Excellent philosophy to keep moving in front of an ever shifting football wave. Advice literally every politician ever would be better off for taking, except then they'd get voted out of office unless everyone took the same advice.

CONS: Kind of wordy.

#15: My soul is happy wherever my body takes me

PROS: Pairs with item later on the list as a general philosophy of being places.

CONS: fills me with an ineffable sadness

#14: Do you usually get what you are asking for?

PROS: Second-best thing to say to a child on this list.

CONS: What if they say "yes"?

#13: Transform fear into anger

PROS: This is the best way to get rid of fear.

CONS: Stuck in a box with another, clearly separate quote. Not great advice if you find yourself surrounded by sharks.

#12: Solve your problems with aggression

PROS: Foundational document of Michigan's #1 defense from a year ago. Indicates that Harbaugh and Don Brown are bros to the quote-board level. Sacks!

CONS: Stuck in a box with clearly separate quote. Hopefully holds up with young safeties.

#11: HARBAUGH PYRAMID OF GREATNESS

PROS: Might say "TEAR GAS, ACCOUNTANTS, CONDIMENT, CONFLICT, TRUST." Is a Pyramid of Greatness. Explicitly states that conflict is aspired to within the program.

CONS: Might say "TEAM GOALS, ACCOUNTABILITY, COMMMITMENT, CONFLICT, TRUST." Which is fine, I guess.

#10: Don't make somebody a priority

PROS: Works equally well as romantic or crootin advice. Pithy. Kind of sounds like something Oprah would say.

CONS: Kind of sounds like something Oprah would say?

#9: Insecurity explains most of life's failures

PROS: Probably the most correct thing on this list.

CONS: The letters  i and e appear in this sentence as both upper- and lowercase in the middle of words. There are two words with all uppercase I/E, one with an uppercase E and lower i, one that is all lowercase. It makes me think I am going crazy.

#8: What ifs

PROS: There is a 100% chance I say this to my soon-to-be-verbal child over and over again until he stabs me with a fork.

CONS: Got stabbed with a fork.

#7: Attack each day

PROS: Harbaugh classic that would be on the family coat of arms if such a thing existed. Unparalleled single-sentence description of Jim.

CONS: Lack of novelty somewhat dulls its impact here.

#6: Preaching to the choir

PROS: Single sentence deconstruction of the problems with political discourse in an age of disaggregation. Brutal ethering of entirety of twitter.

CONS: Could be directed at me?

#5: If you are bored you are boring

PROS: Man, you ever been on vacation and just been bored out of your mind and then gotten home and regretted that you did not take better advantage of the time given you in this unusual place? You ever been on a vacation not like that? I haven't.

CONS: Definitely directed at me.

#4: FOIA BURN

PROS: Yooooooooooooo. This is a vicious Dave Brandon burn that gets even more vicious if it's unintentional.

CONS: I can't figure out how to inject this into my soul

#3: Oh… that's as helpful as you get

PROS: If someone you loved said this to you in a high leverage moment you would curl up and die. The sheer quantity of venom in this single sentence is at "bless your heart" levels. Devastating weapon to be deployed sparingly, lest it shatter its target irreparably.

CONS: Needs a comma after "get."

#2: Aint hard being a football player

PROS: The coachiest of coach quotes. Nonsensical tautology with scare quotes around key phrase. Still makes sense, in its way. Sounds like the kind of thing old players at reunions groan in unison about. Good "aint" deployment.

CONS: N/A

#1: Who's got it better than us?

PROS: Hearing this out loud for the first time was a revelation. In an era when football is veritably haunted by the specter of the damage waiting down the road, it is a simple, joyous exclamation. Football has costs. Jim Harbaugh proposes that they are worth it, to be here in this locker room with your teammates, fists aloft.

CONS: N/A

[Upchurch/MGoBlog]

News bullets and other items:

• Jeremy Clark is out for the season. They’ll attempt to get him a sixth year. Watson, Long, and Hill will get most of his playing time.
• Jabrill Peppers is really good at football.
• Mone might play this week. Have to wait and see if he can practice today.
• Having multiple backs that deserve playing time is a good thing if, like Harbaugh, you subscribe to the more-is-more philosophy of life.
• Harbaugh said Newsome was the best O-lineman against Penn State. He also liked the offensive line’s pursuit in this game as backs got downfield.
• Harbaugh hasn’t contacted Les Miles or Cam Cameron about analyst positions or Les being an honorary captain, but he said he looks forward to talking to them soon.
• Jabrill has the most helmet stickers. They might release a sticker chart every week since no depth chart has been published this season. (Harbaugh thinks depth charts are irrelevant in an age where tape is readily available, as it can be teased out from watching film, which, like, I get that.)

Your thoughts on Wisconsin, what they’ve done so far, and the challenge they present?

“Big team. I’m wondering if the field’s gonna be wide enough. They play extremely hard. Run effort--I had the pleasure of coaching Chris Borland a few years back, and it’s a team of Chris Borlands. High, high energy, tough, guys that can run, and a big, physical, team. Very impressed.”

Looking at Hornibrook, that was his first start against a very good team defensively. You guys [are] strong defensively. What do you think of that dynamic between the two defenses and two young quarterbacks as well?

“Yeah, that’s very, very interesting from all those perspectives. Alex had a heck of a good ballgame. Really acquitted himself well. Made a name for himself. Very impressed with how he played, the accuracy of his throws, the poise with which he played; it was impressive. Wilton has also been impressive in that regard as well. He’s played with great preparation and confidence and poise. It’s unusual to be that new to playing, really, in big games.

“I think back, you know, when I was the same age as they were, the same kind of experience of playing in your first couple ball games. Both of those guys are doing better in my mind than I did and some other guys did when we were young. Playing with more poise and awareness and preparation and confidence, all those things. Both those guys have been impressive in that regard.”

[After THE JUMP: I mean, sometimes I didn’t get [it out]. It’s, ‘Jabr—’ and he’s, ‘I’m here, Coach! Right here!’ It’s exciting. He’s good at football.”]