The pads are on, we have final decisions from 2/3 opt-outs, and there are a few canisters of hype to unload, but we have to lead off with some incredible news:

Don Brown says two of the most improved players along the defensive line have been Julius Welschof and Taylor Upshaw. Says Upshaw has gotten a lot bigger. "Taylor, he didn't even have a butt a year ago. Now he's got a butt."

— Orion Sang (@orion_sang) September 30, 2020

We stopped sending people to pressers recently which is a shame because there was nobody there to ask the obvious follow-up questions. Rest assured, audience, we know this is important to you and we will get answers. About butts.

GUYS AVAILABLE/UNDISCUSSED: Over the course of camp the coaches have been mentioning players they're "just getting back," or who "weren't available for a time." Other names we expected to be in the mix are being left out of rundowns. Historically when a coach isn't saying a player's name it's a bad sign. In some cases it might be. But keep in mind there might be another reason this year a player might not be with the team for 14 days, a reason that they don't want to say out loud. I emphasize this is NOT from any insider information.There are many reasons other than the 2020 reason for players to be sidelined—after so much time off it would be weird if there weren't a few strains—and coaches are loathe to share those. The point is it's more foolish to speculate on absences this fall.

Quarterback

Always two there are. [Patrick Barron]

What we want to hear: A definitive reason McCaffrey is leaving.

What we're hearing: The quarterback battle is dead, long live the quarterback battle. We've spent the last two podcasts talking past each other about whether that's a good Milton thing or scary thing. Balas posted something in a recent ITF($) that's nearly word for word what an insider emailed me:

First off, the Joe Milton hype is now off the charts. Yes, he's dropping dimes on the long ball. And yes, he's made huge strides.
No, he isn't perfect, and people shouldn't expect him to be. He'll still miss the occasional crossing pattern, etc. But he has made huge strides, and he's got the confidence and leadership that make his teammates around him trust him and want to win for him.

The next step in the program's playbook is to pump up Cade McNamara as the new McCaffrey. And so:

"He’s made as many big-time throws as Joe," Gattis said. "Probably about the same number. There's some 'wow' plays." …

"I think Cade will appreciate this: the first four days that we came back, Cade was in a little bit of a funk," Gattis said. "He was more so in freshman mode where he was used to being on the scout team last year, not necessarily getting a lot of the full-speed reps. It took him about four or five days and then literally about day five, I saw him make a throw in practice and when he hit it, he kinda nodded his head three times like he was playing a song in his head.

"And ever since then he’s been on fire."

Harbaugh's line was "Put a talented guy out there and see how it goes," on Jansen's podcast. He also said "We're testing negative and staying positive" which would make a good bumper sticker. Don Brown has been less diplomatic:

“Great leader,” Brown said. “Here’s what I’ll tell you about Joe Milton: Joe and I have a great relationship. Joe will come into my office and ask me about coverage. … He’s reaching out, he’s trying to get better every day, he’s trying to be smarter with concept.”

“He’s another one of those infectious guys, got a smile on his face all the time,” Brown said. “Ready to go to work. And I have never seen a young man with a stronger arm than this guy. He can let it rip.”

Gattis seems to be feeling the Milton Experience:

"When we see a ball travel like that, 70 yards, it’s very hard to track a ball that long and still get pinpoint accuracy on each one of the throws," Gattis said. "I’ve got to the point now where I’ve told the receivers 'don’t stop running.'"

Ronnie Bell, who spent the offseason training with Milton, is also feeling it:

I talked about it with one of the guys about a week ago, and this is the best I’ve ever seen Joe. … he’s just lights out right now. It’s just very exciting to play alongside him.

What it means: Joe Milton is the quarterback, was probably looking good enough that McCaffrey bolted. The other quarterback, who isn't a true freshman late low-3* pickup because their QB of the class medically retired, is the other quarterback, and an offseason always needs two.

You Might Remember This Position Group from Such Former Seasons As: 2012 after Denard got injured. Do you remember Devin Gardner running around lost in the backfield as Wildcats swarmed around him, then he somehow got the ball out? Do you remember that pinpoint bomb to Jeremy Gallon against Minnesota? Do you remember how if anything happened to Gardner it was Russell Bellomy and air? Do you remember that at the end of all of that the numbers were actually pretty incredible? Strap in.

Depth Chart: 1. Milton, 2. McNamara

[After THE JUMP: Introducing the Michigan Secondary Panicometer. It is pronounced like thermometer]

About Last Week:

Note from Samuel L. Jackson to Big Ten defenders: hold onto your Butts.

The Road Ahead:

Utah (2-0, 0-0 PAC-12)

Yep. Them.

Last game: Bye

Recap: No recap. Bye.

This team is as frightening as: I am of two minds. The first is that Utah hasn’t played anyone yet, so their two blowouts provide us almost no information. They beat Fresno State by 32… which is the closest the Bulldogs have kept a game this year (they lost by 36 at Nebraska and 39 to USC). They also beat Idaho State by 42, and at least Idaho State has won a game this year. Over Division II Chadron State. By 5. The point is that if you think the transitive property of college football is unreliable, believe me when I say that the second order transitive property is slightly more unreliable.

On the other mind, Utah has an experienced QB, a very talented receiver, a couple of quality running backs, and a defense that can walk and chew gum at the same time. And Michigan really needs this one. Fear Level = 7.

Michigan should worry about: Dres Anderson. The wide receiver is averaging 27.8 yards per catch. Which is many.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: This will be Utah’s first road game of the year. It will also be Utah’s first game against a team with a pulse.

/checks Michigan for a pulse

/waits

/moves fingers to slightly different location on Michigan’s wrist.

HA. Totally feel a pulse. Knew it all along.

When they play Michigan: The clenching. So much clenching.

Next game: @ Michigan (UM -6), 3:30 Saturday (ABC/ESPN2)

Minnesota (2-1, 0-0 B1G)

Last game: Woodshedded by TCU, 30-7

Recap: Minnesota’s team is designed around one thing: running the ball effectively. TCU stuffed Minnesota’s running game. The results were… predictable.

Minnesota ran for 2.5 yards per carry, and David Cobb was held to 41 yards on 15 carries. In the first half, Minnesota put up 111 yards of offense in nine drives. Those drives ended in three turnovers, five punts, and the sweet mercy of the halftime gun. By then TCU led 24-0, which they extended to 30-0 in the third quarter before calling off the frogs.

Mitch Leidner finished 12 of 26 for 151 yards (5.8 YPA) and 3 picks. And if THAT wasn’t enough, he ended up with a foot injury (reports are mixed between a broken toe, turf toe, and a general angering of the gypsy). He’s also coming off of a sprained MCL two weeks ago. His backup, Chris Streveler, is a redshirt freshman. I wonder if he knows how to throw a football?

I’m pretty sure “Flick the Booger” is actually Minnesota’s motto this year.

This team is as frightening as: Fighting a guy you’ve fought a bunch, and who you’ve beaten 39 of the last 42 times. Except this time he has one arm tied behind his back. And the other arm has turf toe. Fear Level = 3

Michigan should worry about: You know what you’d get from Leidner, and it is the kind of thing that Michigan is ideally suited to stop. If Streveler is in, maybe he gives Minnesota an added dimension of some kind. Like, he can throw a football. Kind of.

Michigan can sleep soundly about: The most frightening thing I could think of was “maybe Minnesota will be starting a freshman.”

When they play Michigan: Booooooooring. But in a good way.

Next game: vs. San Jose State, 4:00 p.m. Saturday

[After the jump: OH MAH GAWD IS THAT MILEY'S MUSIC???]