1 hour and 25 minutes

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1. Michigan State

(starts at 1:00)

Don’t take a jacked up stepback three. Tips for walrus wrestling. The switches: when you’ve got Teske on a guard don’t take a jacked up stepback three. Poole had his worst game as a Wolverine: don’t take a jacked up stepback three. Also Jordan Morgan says so. Charles Matthews got the worst autobench yet (one foul!) and also rolled his ankle. What’s up with the rotation? Why wasn’t the Matthews-Iggy-Livers lineup wasn’t tried? Good game until Michigan’s shooting died in the middle third of the second half.

2. Minnesota

(starts at 30:56)

Teske got fed down low. Teske taking threes leads to the back-to-back Go to Sleep Dagger. The Jordan Murphy is shooting to get yourself your own offensive rebound. Maybe Michigan offered Scooby Johnson to build themselves a Mr. Burlesworth. Imagine if Poole could be Zak Irvin? Long discussion of Castleton and DeJulius, who is on the court so seldom that Seth still calls him DeHulius.

3. Hockey

(starts at 50:06)

Michigan gets three points out of a weekend with Ohio State. Brian has checked out on the season. Disappointing that we’re not getting more out of Hughes but there aren’t that many other dudes on this team and that puts all the guys a line ahead of where they should be. Losing Norris was the death knell, except they’re not dead…in fact they could still finish second in the conference. The power play is still bad—argument over whether that’s lack of talent or they can’t coach special teams.

4. David’s Vegetable Segment

(starts at 1:13:38)

Brian and David discuss which vegetables David eats while Seth attempts to turn the conversation to literally anything else. Brian hates the Beatles.

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MUSIC

• "Candela"—Buena Vista Social Club
• "Kirby"—Aesop Rock
• "Elevator Operator"—Courtney Barnett
• “Across 110th Street”

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That’s what we do here in the Big Ten, Brian. We call fouls in the beginning of the second half and wrestle walruses.

The regular season is behind us, and as such there isn't much to watch in terms of opponents. So for now, we have a brief primer on the Big Ten bowl season. I'm sure the Copper Bowl will be covered in great detail by people who know more about such things.

Rose Bowl: #5 Michigan State vs. #4 Stanford

Michigan State is the outright, undisputed, no takesies-backsies Big Ten Champion. They went undefeated in conference and rolled over Ohio State in the conference championship game. There was much celebration, which would have been a The-Who's-on-Christmas-Morning arm-in-arm singing if it weren’t for this guy informing everyone that couches were flammable. Way to ruin it for everyone, guy.

Stanford, meanwhile, had as many impressive victories as anyone in the country. They took down Oregon, Oregon State, UCLA, Washington, Washington State, Notre Dame, and Arizona State twice. But they also lost to USC (post Kiffin) and… Utah. Utah finished 2-7 in the PAC 12, with their only other win coming against Colorado. If they don’t lose that game, are they playing Florida State in the title game?

One nice thing for traditionalists is that the Rose Bowl (the most expensive ticket of the season, by the way) will actually feature the Big Ten Champion and the PAC 12 Champion, which has happened only 5 of the previous 12 seasons. And as the playoff system picks up steam, this might be the last of its kind.

When the MSU has the ball:

Given the level of competition Stanford has faced, their defense has been downright stifling. They held Oregon to 20 (after shutting them out through three quarters), UCLA to 10, and Arizona State to 14 in the conference title game. Stanford runs a 3-4, but often puts a fourth hand in the dirt in the person of world-destroying Trent Murphy (14 sacks, 21.5 TFL). Murphy will be a real test for Sparty’s tackles, who haven’t been as consistent as the interior guys.

Michigan State, meanwhile, didn’t decide it needed to score offensive points until October, at which point they became decent but not good enough to save their advanced stats for the year. Nevertheless, they made huge strides as the year went on, especially on the offensive line. We have discussed this. It made you anger vomit, remember?

When the Stanford has the ball:

Sweet mercy this is going to be violent. Stanford plays the downhilliest of downhill football. Look at the offensive line splits here:

There is very little confusion about what the Cardinal is going to try to do. This is Brady Hoke’s vision for a utopian society, the difference being that Stanford has the horses to run it (Josh Garnett reference. Drink). And you all know how Michigan State’s defense rolls. They’ve shown a little vulnerability (relatively speaking, of course) to power running schemes, but with their ability to leave their corners on an island, this is going to be 8 or 9 men colliding with 8 or 9 men all damn day.

So? It’ll be interesting to see how Michigan State reacts to their new defensive staff given Pat Narduzzi’s TOTALLY IMMINENT departure. Probably about as poor as can be expected, which is to say they will only hit Devin Gardner 8 or 9 times. Stanford 7, Michigan State 6

[Yump]