ron zook wasn't that bad

Previously on we-ripped-this-off-from-BHGP: ID16, ID16 part II, Urban's meeting.

As you may have heard, the Big Ten opened its new office in New York City recently, and the media got its first look on Wednesday.

What you may not have heard was that shortly before the media took their tour, the Big Ten coaches and a handful of administrators got a look inside. We have a transcript of their meeting.

 Delany: Okay, thanks everyone for coming. Before we begin…

 Hoke: Years?

Delany: Aw hell, not this again. Anyway, what I was…

 Hoke: YEARS???

Meyer: He’s not going to stop until you do it, Jim.

Delany. Sigh. Okay, fine. 135.

 Hoke: CHAMPIONSHIPS?

Dantonio: Yep!

 Meyer: Congratulations, blind squirrel.

 Hoke: BEAT?

Tim Beckman: Off!

Beckman: …hehehe…

Beckman: Get it? Cause he wanted us to say “Beat Ohio,” but instead I made a funny. Which is what we call jokes in Illinois.

Bo Pelini: Dude, Darrell, how the hell did you lose to that buffoon?

Darrell Hazell: Did you see what Danny Hope left me? The cupboard was bare, except for those jars of urine. And Rob Henry. I probably should have played the urine more.

 Delany: ANYWAY, thanks for all taking the time to come to the opening of our new offices. We’re hoping that given our new territory, we can expand our brand…

Dave Brandon: WOOT!!!

 Hoke: Sorry, he does that. It isn’t voluntary.

Brandon: What are we hashtagging this meeting? #B1GLifeB1GOffices? Damn I’m good.

Delany: Let’s just get the tour started.

[AFTER THE JUMP: the tour]

Previously here: Lanyard Program. Jon Valk wallpaper. ACE FFFF!

Essentials

Bring your ponchos out. Image via Dubsism.

HEY GUYS I'M KIND OF TERRIBLY SICK AND IF THIS IS LATE AND MAYBE LESS EFFORTFUL THAN NORMAL JUST BLAME EVERYTHING EXCEPT ME.

Run Offense vs Illinois

Do not get used to this statement about the Illini football team: hey, this isn't half bad. Every other Illini stat of relevance languishes 80th or below; Illinois is 38th in rush defense despite acquiring almost no sacks. The problems only happen against bad BCS rushing offenses:

Opponent	Att	YDS	TD	YPC
ASU	37	197	3	5.3
PSU	49	207	4	4.2
Wisconsin	32	174	2	5.4

PSU is currently 80th, Wisconsin 90th in rush offense. Arizona State is okay at 55th. The week before the Illinois-Wisconsin game, the Badgers got Montee Ball 93 yards… on 31 carries. You can probably chalk the relative statistical success here up to schedule effects that will evaporate as the season goes along.

Hypothetically, Illinois has a ton of talent. Michael Buchanan, Akeem Spence, and Jonathan Brown are all high on NFL draft radars, with Buchanan and Spence hyped up as potential first round picks.

Spence's star has started to fade without departed defensive coordinator Vic Koenning:

Akeem Spence*/DL/Illinois: Spence recorded 9 tackles during the loss to Penn State, but the statistics don't tell the whole story. The junior tackle was manhandled most of the game and pushed off the line of scrimmage or controlled in man-on-man blocking. Spence did not turn in a terrible performance, but did not look like the first-round prospect most believe him to be.

My memories of Spence are mostly David Molk reaching him like a boss.

Okay, okay, but Wisconsin had about half of those yards in the fourth quarter when things got out of hand, and Michigan has not been pushing guys around. Everyone's concerned about Fitz Toussaint's production, or lack thereof, and despite the numbers above this just doesn't seem like a slam dunk, especially if Michigan is going to put the passing game in the barn again.

That said, fits and starts are the order of the day, with starts being long long runs when Illinois busts something and the fits coming when one of their players shoves someone other than Lewan into the backfield. It'll be an ugh-ugh-WOO kind of thing.

Key Matchup: Mealer/Omameh/Barnum versus Spence and Other Guy. Would like to see some movement here, some inside zone doubles that actually come off, some Toussaint yards. Our operative theory so far is that it's hard to deal with Short and ND's 3-4s in Michigan's non-Denard Run Game; movement Saturday is necessary to continue that narrative.

[Hit THE JUMP for Champaign Supernova despair.]

Illinois took the field at Camp Randall Stadium last weekend hoping that a game against a struggling Wisconsin squad was just what they needed to turn around a nightmare season. After keeping it close through three quarters in which neither team could move the ball, they gave up 21 fourth-quarter points en route to a 31-14 loss. The Badgers, which entered the game averaging just 309 yards of total offense, put up 427 on 7.4 yards per play; the Illini could muster just 284 yards of their own.

As you can see, first-year head coach Tim Beckman couldn't bear to take in such a performance without putting in a lip-full of dip. Like pretty much every other decision made by Tim Beckman this year, this was stupid:

Illinois self-reported a level 2 secondary violation to the Big Ten Conference after coach Tim Beckman was seen chewing tobacco during Saturday's game against Wisconsin.

The NCAA prohibits the use of chewing tobacco for coaches, game officials and players during practice and games.

...

"It's a bad habit, and one that definitely will be corrected," Beckman said on Tuesday.

Illinois football, ladies and gentlemen!

[Hit THE JUMP for the full breakdown and definitely not more pictures of Beckman channeling his inner redneck. No, definitely not more of those.]