Michigan Football in the August Maxim
Not that I read Maxim for my sports information. But while sitting on the toilet reading the new issue (I think we get them off of some charity magizine pledge drive subscription that automatically renews? not sure I still magically get TIME as well), I noticed some football info. And...
The Magizine has a list in their three page article of the 10 worst teams in the BCS. Michigan comes in at #10 - "Cream puffs may pad their record, but most of the Big10 will eat up BigBlue." Also on the list is Indiana.
And...The All-MAXIM TEAM includes Punter Zoltan (without mention of his space emperor status) Mesko with the line, "should be plenty of in-game reps this season."
So two digs on consecutive pages... Ouch. The ass clown author is Jordan Burchette a FSU grad who used to work as a writer for ESPN - go figure.
The author used big blue, so whatever point he makes is moot.
1.) I totally understand the necessity of your first paragraph, and I believe you when you say you're not an avid Maxim reader... that said it's structurally identical to all of those Savage Love questions that are four lines avowing the questioner's heterosexuality followed by a fifth line that ends in fellatio.
2.) The jab about Zoltan's in-game reps is shockingly clever for that kind of rag.
3.) Maxim?
I'm not sure if you were trying to do this, but you magically spelled Magazine as maGIZine. Now the magazine happens to be Maxim. Are you trying to state a reason you own the magazine OP?
Kurt Vonnegut standardized the spelling of 'jizzum' in the Big Space Fuck in the 70s.
Regardless, under no circumstances can the word or any of its variants start with the letter 'g.'
I figured that, but how would I know that the OP knows that. Just thought I would point that out.
Also, why are you embarrassed about owning maxim?
It's not just that he owns it, it's that he was locked in the bathroom and sitting "on the toilet" when happened to come upon this articles.
Don't know if it was intentional or not, but "come upon" the articles was hilarious.
Thanks for noticing, good to see that people get my humor, at least a little haha
I guess it has more to do with the longevity of each issue in our bathroom. No one throws the mags out so they sit around in there and before I know it I have read every article and looked at every picture so many times I could write a thesis on Jennifer Love Hewitt. So I start to pick apart the shitty articles and how everything is paid product placement, etc.
But I do like the hometown hotties - though airbrushed and probably paid placements by modeling agencies, I like to pretend the girls are just innocent local hotties.
I was gonna post about this last week. I knew that maGIZine turned to shit a few years ago, I just have proof now. Why do I subscribe you ask? Honestly? For all the cool gear they highlight in there. The pin-up pictures are so f'in airbrushed you wonder if the girl is even real.
Maxim is a sweet magazine. I think its entertaining and the captions are some of the funniest bits in the magazine. However the sports writer can eat shit, he obviously knows nothing.
The third was the omission of UM-OSU off the list of best games of the year. They decided not to list a game at all for that week. I also noticed they listed OSU-PSU and commented by saying "forget Michigan".
I don't know why more people, including our leaders in office, don't subscribe. I for one get all my news analysis and stock tips from Stuff, my literary analysis from FHM, and my sports analysis from Details.
I now know that Katy Perry would be the best choice to replace Obama, that the Pussycat Dolls should open their own proto-Hemingway salon, and that Lindsey Lohan is a LOCK to toss 50 TD's in the WAC in '09.
Please don't tell me you disagree, since Caesar's just took my $1000 on the over for December 20th for when President Obama will do his first "Oval Orifice" nude photoshoot.
I am sitting in the smallest room in my house, with the Maxim football preview in front of me.
Soon...it will be behind me.
The fact he went to FSU shows he is considerably retarded.
Is that you, Bouje?
Prepare for the onslaught...
It's not like they ever produced a Rhodes scholar or anything.