Fear and Loathing in Ann Arbor II

Submitted by jhackney on

Fear. Fear intimidates. Fear paralyzes. Fear leads to loathing. If a poll was taken at this current moment, the results would show that the largest per capita loathing resides in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Since the departure of Lloyd Carr (not when we left in utter disgust last Saturday) fear has reverberated throughout the marrow of every maize and blue faithful. From the mind boggling ineptitude of Rich Rod's defense to the ineptitude of Hoke and Brandon's handling of just about everything post Sugar Bowl, Michigan fans and alum have feared for the future thinking the next year, week, or day would be the bottom of the abyss. The bottom of the abyss has yet to present itself and one thing reigns true that I've learned throughout life; it can always get worse. So far it has.

 

 

After the humiliation of the Utah game, many maize and blue faithful had underlying joy that the LOLophers were next on the schedule. Not since a decade ago could the Gophers sniff the scent of relevancy from the Brown Jug. I must admit I was one of the many that expected Shane Morris to ride in on a Stallion next to Vladimir Putin and begin the trek towards a B1G championship starting with the eradication of varmints from the land of funny accents.

Oh how blind we were. The glaring problem was hidden by my fandom, or maybe intoxicants. As the game began I noticed no change in tempo, Hoke still coaching Amish style, and a QB that thought he was playing for San Diego State against the hated Trojans of San Jose State. So did Hoke. By halftime the fear was creeping into our veins with no Thorazine to combat it. Fans were booing, announcers on ABC were condoning it, and sense of a rift within the team became apparent.

   

As much as we praise the players for the work and effort they put in sacrificing their bodies, the sight of Gardner refusing to collaborate with Nuss and young Morris made me angry enough to kill baby seals and feed them to Kim Jung Un with a jewel encrusted spoon haunted by the souls of unborn princes in 18th century France. Although angry at Gardner, leadership comes from the top and my anger again found its way to targeting Hoke and Brandon. As the game went on and all hope was lost, I was enraged with Hoke and Brandon for letting such an athletically talented group of young men fall into a gaggle of squawking pile of hog shit. Development of the line has not improved. Development of a 5th year grad student QB has not come to fruition. Development of clock management and special teams remained stagnant. Then came the incident personally known as Morrisgate.

Shane Morris received a punishing series of hits and twists which left him vividly hurt and concussed. Any sane man with at least an amedulla oblongata would have yanked Morris' ass in a flash. Not Hoke. Hoke believes that MANBAW requires pain and humiliation to build character. Hoke claims he did not see the hit nor the wobbly after effects even though Nuss, 90,000 fans, ABC announcer Ed Cunningham, and Morris' parents were there to all witness it. To be fair, perhaps Hoke did not see it. I did not see him pointing. Perhaps he was shot with shock as he has been lately when down to inferior opponents. To make matters worse, ABC gave a game update where an Arkansas punter outperformed the whole Michigan offense. It was clear that Morris should have been pulled at the half due to performance and inexperience. If one thing is clear, it is Hoke at least has no fucking clue what is going on inside the rectangle of stadiums and at most disregards the social norms of intelligent football play. By admitting he did not see the hit, hear the shouts of get Morris off the field, and see him cradled by offensive linemen, one wonders what the fuck he was watching. Was it Dave Brandon waving at him from his luxury box? Was it Mary Sue Coleman doing a keg stand in row 68? Or was he daydreaming about chugging gravy from the Brown Jug before handing it over to Jerry Kill? 

 

At least the game ended and the suffering was over. The Brown Jug was gone, Morris was off the field, and the rest of us began testing the limits of our livers and consciousness. This is when the fear in Ann Arbor turned to loathing. I've received at least three concussions in my life playing football in high school and lacrosse in college. It took all of 10-15 minutes to diagnose it. At Michigan, it apparently takes more than 48 hours. As Michigan was dragged through squid shit on the national media and gaining attention in the halls of Congress, all was quiet on the western front. Brandon who is no stranger to a microphone and Hoke who is just a complete imbecile, said nothing of Morris' obvious concussion and the decision to leave him in and send him back in. It was as if Hoke began pointing to the nation of Wolverine fans with his middle finger instead of his index finger. Morris was locked in a dark room of silence and Hoke continued on with his arrogant but maybe ignorant ranting of execution, hard practices, and fucking fairy dust ideas of a B1G championship. Finally Dave Brandon broke the silence, albeit at the most offensive hour he could have possibly chosen. He admitted what we already knew, gave a blanket apology, and retired to his room of selfies and pizza box forts.

 

I awoke on the Sunday post Minnesota after testing my liver's limit on Sobieski. I thought once the fog was gone and my body was revived by herbal medicines that I'd feel better. Then I remembered I'm a Michigan fan. We lost the Jug. Brandon still reigns supreme, and Hoke has his index fingers intact. I fear the future and loathe the present.

I wanted to write earlier but I did not know how to handle such loathing without punching a one way ticket to Bolivia. I also wanted to add constructive ideas to what to do next in order to force the bottom of the abyss. My plebian ideas come down to two different ponderings.

1. I disagree with Brian and do not wish to boycott any games. We are there for the players. Not for the hack jobs in the AD office and Schembechler Hall. If the stadium is filled, this will also give ample opportunity to raise the volume of Fire Brandon chants. Hoke may not notice it because that asshole doesn't know anything going on inside a football game, but the message will be sent. The longer and louder the chant, the better.

2. Allow Hoke to stay head coach. Changing coaches this year will not change anything and will only hurt recruiting more. You cannot strengthen an offensive line nor teach the mechanics necessary within that short amount of time. If Hoke discovers how to be a head coach in 11 weeks, good, if not, he has no legs to stand on and we can send that swine fucker to the depths of ohio where he came from. I highly doubt another player would be put in danger with such an outcry and verbal beating he took on Morris.

 

Rage on. Loathing is always better than fearing.

 

 

 

 

Comments

jhackney

October 1st, 2014 at 12:34 AM ^

When on defense Nuss and Morris were going over usual plays while Gardner isolated himself on the bench. If part of the TEAM, Gardner woukd have helped Morris with his knowledge. Even though this was irritating, Hoke shoud have installed teamwork and leadership qualities if he is truly a "Michigan Man." If you can remember the 80s and how Franklin took over after a spectacular year of Tom Slade. Tom was talked to by Bo and did his part for the TEAM.

RapidTransit

October 1st, 2014 at 10:15 AM ^

It was mentioned on the TV broadcast that Gardner was making himself sarce on the sideline. The game was not out of hand yet and, while i watched, it felt like the broadcasters were just trying to drum up drama.  Could Gardner have really added value to the conversation between the offensive coordinator and his QB?  Doesn't seem appropriate for him to butt in.  If Nuss was up in the press box I would feel differently.  

I think this is more of a team wide malaise (MI-laise) rather than a petulant Gardner.  Bellomy can't find his helmet, teammates don't react to teammates getting creamed by dirty hits, offense slow to the line, defensive linemen losing both shoes, mishandling of Shane Morris injury, and on and on. Just seems to be a sloppy environment with a serious lack of attention to detail.  Maybe even a disregard for detail (like, ya know, details are for pussies...just play man ball).  

We have a sloppy looking coach, sloppy talking coach, sloppy coaching coach.  Like the old expression....if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, blah blah.  As a result our team is a sloppy mess. It was folksy and down-to-earth when the team went 11-2.  Not anymore.  

 

Greg McMurtry

October 1st, 2014 at 11:11 AM ^

He looked like he wanted nothing to do with Shane or Nuss.  IMO, it seemed like the coaching staff were disappointed in DG for something he did and they were benching him for it.  This is all speculation on my part, but why else would he act like that and why else would the coaching staff leave a completely ineffective and injured Shane in that long?

See also, Frank Clark's comments in the mgolicious links titled "Michigan players have faith in only one..." Frank says DG "messed up."  Are those Frank's words for "didn't play well" or did DG really "mess up" and made some sort of poor choice?

Todd92

October 1st, 2014 at 7:51 AM ^

Under any other circumstances, firing a coach mid-season would probably hurt recruiting.  In this case, not firing him will hurt worse.

User -not THAT user

October 1st, 2014 at 9:01 AM ^

"...I was enraged with Hoke and Brandon for letting such an athletically talented group of young men fall into a gaggle of squawking pile of hog shit. "

Coffee...down...wrong pipe...choking...

kehnonymous

October 1st, 2014 at 10:35 AM ^

I'm far too lazy to look up where he said it, but in 2011 when everything was coming up Milhouse, Hoke said something to the effect of how the seniors had set the tone for the team and they were playing well because of the senior leadership of guys like RVB, Koger, Mike Martin, Molk, Junior and Tae.  (Goddamn do I love those guys), and that if he had to step in and coach, that would be a problem.

So... yeah.  Prophetic words, eh?

gps

October 1st, 2014 at 7:13 PM ^

I know this sounds crazy, and the stat lines will not support this assertion whatsoever, but I still think Morris is the talent that we wanted and need to turn the program around. I just don't think our program has the ability to allow top talent to flourish, and the top recruits that we've gotten are stagnating at best. I would venture to say that players like Morris, Pipkins, Peppers, and even Gardner would become top NFL prospects under virtually any other school's system. This doesn't fall on Hoke or Dave Brandon alone, it falls on the entire program and staff.

caliblue

October 2nd, 2014 at 1:51 PM ^

until the "swine fucker" part. No matter what Hoke does or does not do he or even DB do not deserve to be called that. That is offensive. The rest of the rant is fine.