Twitter is serious bizness

About the Big Ten Tournament making you tired.

Got into a discussion with a friend over the importance of the B1G tournament, he thought it was a useful "spring board", I did not.  Did some gopher work on the results that might be interesting to you. 

4 – Exceeds expectations, only 2009 Purdue wasn’t a #1 seed.

5 – played to seed

7 – Did not meet expectations.  Although 3 of these are Sweet 16 losses, which aren’t absolutely terrible.

Year Champion B1G Tourney Seed NCAA Tournament Result

1998

Michigan

4

#3, lost in 2nd round.  Later Ed Martin’d

1999

Michigan State

1

#1, Lost in Final Four

2000

Michigan State

2

#1, Won it all

2001

Iowa

6

#7, played to seed

2002

Ohio State

2

#4, lost to #12 Mizzou in second round

2003

Illinois

2

#4, lost to #5 ND

2004

Wisconsin

2

#6, played to seed

2005

Illinois

1

#1, Lost in NCG

2006

Iowa

2

#3, Lost in first round

2007

Ohio State

1

#1, Lost in NCG

2008

Wisconsin

1

#3, Played to seed, but lost to #10 Davidson

2009

Purdue

3

#5, played slightly above seed, lost to #1 Uconn in Sweet 16

Side note, doesn’t it seem like decades ago since Purdue was good at basketball?

2010

Ohio State

1

#2, Lost to Tennessee in Sweet 16.  In a cruel twist of fate, Bruce Pearl gets canned for lying about hosting Aaron Craft at his house

2011

Ohio State

1

#1, lost to Kentucky in Sweet 16, [fart noise].  Is that big white guy from Kentucky still in the NBA?

2012

Michigan State

1

#1, lost Louisville in Sweet 16

2013

Ohio State

2

#2, got Shocked in Elite 8.  All the debates about charges…..

Thanks,

Kent, a.k.a. Baloo_dance

That doesn't look like anything resembling a real effect, especially since only 1998 Michigan, 2002 OSU, and 2006 Iowa  had anything resembling first-weekend surprise exits. OSU and MSU going out in the Sweet 16 after a two-week period in which they played two games can't be chalked up to fatigue unless you're Tom Izzo.

Also worth noting that teams that "play to seed" generally exceed the average tourney wins per seed line:

tourney-wins

So a one seed that reaches the final four is about seven tenths of a win to the good. Big Ten Tourney champs have acquired 38 wins in the tournament since the BTT's inception; based on seedings they were expected to get 36.42. At the very least we can say there's no evidence that winning the Big Ten has any effect on your tournament hopes. Given the seed line graph above and the fact that winning games moves you up lines, it is undoubtedly a net positive.

Resolved: in favor of winning Big Ten Tournament.

On Michigan twitter.

Brian,

In your opinion, is Delonte' Hollowell the most interesting M athlete to ever grace Twitter? I think so, but that's just, like, my opinion, man. At the bare minimum he has to be the greatest all-caps philosopher of all time.

Adam

If Twitter has proven anything it's that plebes are suckers for athletes who tweet in all caps, and I am in their midst.

Most athletes use twitter like high school kids with ten followers—like weird semi-public email, and that puts a damper on things. You can tell whenever a dude breaks up with a girl because he starts making tweets that sound like Gin Blossoms lyrics; a lot of the time you're just getting "hey @other_athlete, what's good". The rest of the time it is "rise and grind #blessed." This is fine and all but not particularly interesting to people other than @other_athlete.

Hollowell, on the other hand, spends large chunks of his time with ALL CAPS EXHORTIONS to be something or do something else that are meant to be twitter. He rises and grinds without informing the world of this fact, and he does not tweet #blessed. He seems perpetually irritated by everything. He is the best.

Other current Wolverines worth following:

  1. Henry Poggi's feed is mostly about the Big Lebowski, which means you may not want to follow it but I do.
  2. Andrew Dakich, obviously.
  3. Jordan Morgan trolls MSU fans, and keeps trolling.
  4. Graham Glasgow takes shots at his brother by deploying Snorlax. Frequently tweets about being sleepy or in bed.
  5. Desmond Morgan sarcastically deploys #blessed.

#mcm == "Man Crush Mondays."

Ondre Pipkins would have been on the list, but he nuked his twitter last year.

On NBA Draft changes.

Brian -

This question is undoubtedly way too soon. I normally don't like to engage in the "who are we losing" questions while still able to enjoy the product on the floor. However, I was reading about potential NBA draft changes and Adam Silver's emphasis on extending the age-limit prohibiting players from entering the NBA until they are done with their sophomore year.

Several articles mentioned NBA front-offices fearing a insanely weak 2015 draft if any changes were implemented. What do you think this potential, if any, has on a player like Nik Stauskas when evaluating an NBA departure?

Justin

No. Stauskas is projected in the top 15 of this loaded draft and there's hardly any difference between going 15th and 5th. That would not impact his decision.

However, it might impact McGary and Robinson. They would go from guys who might play themselves into the first round next year into holy first round locks. That would shift the equation significantly enough that it would suddenly be a very bad idea to enter.

However, despite the immediate salutary benefits for Michigan that is a step in the wrong direction. The right direction is draft and follow: everyone's eligible before their freshman year, five round draft, anyone who gets signed occupies a roster spot for remaining NCAA eligibility + 1 years no matter where they are.

SO WOW

after a loss michigan is 7-0 with an average margin of victory of 24 points.  thats insane, no?

Robert

YES

MUCH ZING

Be sure to note that Michigan notched its 7th road win of the season yesterday. Folks sometime forget how tough it is to win on the road in the B1G; how tough it is to win in East Lansing, or in Madison, or in Columbus -- much less in all three places in the same friggin' year. It's really an eye-popping achievement, and a testament to the job Coach B has done of getting them ready to compete in very hostile environments.

Cheers.

Doug

HOW WOW

Pork and Beef

This week, possibly in response to Mitch McGary’s fabulous work on Instagram, the football team pretty much decided to made the un-moving pictures their donkey. And per Brian’s instructions, we begin once again with Dr. Hamlet III:

Hamlet

And since I’ve been making an effort to be more informative and less snarky, this presents an opportunity to analyze the…

THINGS WE LEARNED:

  • These linemen have a much more forgiving landlord than I had in Ann Arbor. They can have a pig. I couldn't have a fish.
  • It's really easy to get into Michigan's Med School if you're a legacy, and even easier if you're a second-generation legacy.
  • P1G, like the B1G, seems to have the most success with small bowls.
  • If Lewan had ONE more season in Ann Arbor, I'm pretty sure we'd see this at some point next offseason:

WeBoughtAPig

Before that, though, several members of the offense took last week’s ManBearCrombie to the next level, and presented us with an overload of OMG Shirtless:

OMG Shirtless

NOT PICTURED: weakness of any kind

THINGS WE LEARNED:

  • Adidas apparently makes all of Michigan's workout apparel, too, and like the rest of the Adidas stuff it all fell apart and left the athletes shirtless. New shirts will probably be delivered by early December.
  • Michigan's football team, despite their shoes, can receive no service. They can't figure out why.
  • If you want, you can play tic-tac-toe on Taylor Lewan's shoulder (PROTIP: The only winning move is not to play).
  • Sione Houma may or may not be Tongan Steve Breaston.
  • Fitz Toussaint once killed a velociraptor.
  • Michigan's offense is composed of very large men. And Jeremy Gallon.

Your parody account is bad and you should feel bad

Most of you have probably heard of a young man from Grand Rapids named Drake Harris. Mr. Harris said a while back that he would spend a few years at Michigan State playing kicky-throwy ball AND dribbly-shooty ball, but then he changed his mind about the dribbly-shooty part and decided to play his kicky-throwy ball at Michigan. This did not go over well in East Lansing, and elicited a pile of the usual Twitter crap. But that was six weeks ago, so the iron has cooled considerably.

But don’t tell that to the creator of what is almost certainly the worst parody account in the history of mimicry:

DrakeHarrisEgo4

DrakeHarrisEgo1

DrakeHarrisEgo2

Yep, it’s an account dedicated to Drake Harris’s Ego, which Sparty* believes to be a thing. Setting aside the fact that this guy created an account mocking a kid, this is just a terrible account. First, I don’t think he knows what “ego” means. But more importantly, he failed to meet the first (and really the only) rule of parody accounts: they are supposed to be funny.  I mean, objectively speaking, who is going to find that funny?

DrakeHarrisEgo3

Oh, hey there one time Michigan State commit and current UCLA Bruin offensive lineman Caleb Benenoch. To summarize: a guy who decommitted from State loves that there is an account dedicated to the ego demonstrated by a guy who decommitted from State. I can’t even begin to unwrap the Spartyness of this tweet. It’s like a mobius strip of Spartyfreude; it just folds back into itself until you don’t know where you started but god this thing is nifty.

*And yes, this was the doing of Sparty. A confirmed State fan created the account, and then allegedly turned over control to someone else. I won’t out the creator, but mostly because I don’t feel like chasing down the details because I don’t much care.

Speaking of things about which you should feel bad

In related Drake Harris news, he continues to catch crap on Twitter for choosing a college, including a concerted effort from one guy in particular who doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “boundaries.” Harris finally called him on it:

Drake Harris Old Dude

Sure enough, I looked through Doug E. Fresh’s Tweets, and an uncomfortable percentage of them are to Drake Harris. Add in the alleged Facebook stalking, and we’ve got ourselves a Stage 5 Clinger. And then there’s the text of the message itself, in which this guy blames Harris for all of the hate he’s receiving because he’s “living with the consequences” of his decisions. It’s your classic “he was asking for it” defense, except here the “asking for it” was in the form of “selected an institution of higher education.”

This should serve as a reminder to the scores of you who still contact recruits through social media that it is a terrible, terrible idea, and not just because of the creepiness factor. They might see your comments, call you out, and make you look like a maroon in front of the whole internet. This guy is a real estate agent who uses his name and business information in his Twitter profile. And I will remind you that Michigan fans buy houses in west Michigan, as do people who don’t like being creeped the hell out by awkward people. So, congratulations, Mr. Ditmar, I dub thee TWITTER CREEPER OF THE YEAR OF THE WEEK.**

**This name probably won’t stick. Also this probably won’t be a regular thing.

[ED:BiSB - The purpose of this section was not to encourage people to seek retribution. People should not attempt to contact or further escalate the situation. Let the Universe unfold of its own accord.]

[/Insert words here]

I don’t want to talk about this. But I think you have to see it, so… here it is. Warning: it’s slightly Not Safe For Breakfast.

Vrabel

(H/T @LandGrant33, and by H/T I mean Y U HATE MY EYES?)

Bucknuts. That is all.

Car washings is serious business

NCAA rules are dumb. But until now, we didn’t know just how dumb:

NCAA Violations

Yup, a University had to report a secondary violation because an athlete washed her car with University water. According to Lost Lettermen, the full story is about as dumb as you would expect:

A WCC school self-reported an extra benefits violation to the NCAA when university officials caught one of their women’s golfers washing her car on campus, according to the source. The NCAA ruled a secondary violation had occurred because the water was not available to regular students and demanded the golfer pay back $20, which was deemed to be the value of the water and use of the hose.”

It was a violation because the USE OF A HOSE WAS AN IMPERMISSIBLE BENEFIT. And she had to PAY $20 because the hose wasn’t available to the general student body. In other words, this thing that is generally unavailable to the general student body is fine:

Ross Academic Center

Ross Academic Center

And this will lead us slouching to SMU:

Water Hose

Hose

Once again, fine:

Pryor Corvette

Suspect:

Pryor Bucket

Save us Obi-Wan KenO’Bannon. You’re our only hope.

(NOTE: the second violation, while less funny, is probably worse. How can someone make some kind of impermissible contact with a recruit when he doesn’t  know who he is talking to? We lawyer types call that “mens rea.” Everyone else calls it “holy itchy Gold Bond balls, use some common sense you ridiculous tools”)

Ohio: Worst State Ever, but improving?

The University of Cincinnati baseball team had a rough year, finishing just 6-18 in Big East play, which is probably because baseball isn't any of the players' first loves. They were born to be swimmers:

medieval jousters;

or explorers, Roman emperors, big game hunters, or… well, swimmers again. These gentlemen will be going professional in something other than sports. Unless that swimming thing works out, in which case that'd be sports.

Rock Bottom Update

Look, Amanda, you seem like a nice girl and all, certain amazing but somewhat NSFW headlines notwithstanding. But this is about the point in your life when you are going to want to reconsider some stuff.

Marshall Henderson

Sparty Gonna No.

A list of things that people believe will make them more successful than a football scholarship to Michigan State University:

1. A football scholarship to the University of Michigan (obvs)

2. A football scholarship to Northwestern University

3. A music career with dese skillz:

(Heads up: video contains explicit lyrics and imagery, and really bad rap):

Mark Hollis did say yesterday that they're trying to make the Big Ten more hip, but then MSU admitted they dropped him weeks ago when the first blunt hit the YouTubes. Which is probably correct but doesn't make MSU's receiver recruiting any less hilarious.

image

Some Stuff the Other People Already Posted

I post once per week, and Brian posts daily, so sometimes he gets to the good stuff first. Now, I could put in the effort to go find other stuff. But I am exceedingly lazy, so we’ll all just pretend that he didn’t already post this stuff, and we will laugh at it anew. Good? Good.

With this week’s announcement of Marvin Robinson’s transfer, Michigan lost the quintessential OMG Shirtless player. M-Rob was the patriarch of the movement [Tyrece Butler is its godfather], and his loss will be deeply felt. But when Angry Michigan OMG Shirtless Hating God closes a door, He opens a window into some crazy stuff. Behold what AMOMGSHG has given us:

Maybe this is a response to the Abercrombie and Fitch CEO saying he didn’t want… uh… larger people wearing their clothing. Maybe they just honestly forgot to wear shirts that day. But I like to think that they were assuring the apprehensive Michigan faithful that the shirtless tradition would continue, albeit in a much more MANBALL fashion.

This also has the makings of a great ‘positive self-image’ campaign:

It doesn’t matter if you’re a little pasty white. Or if you’re carrying a few extra pounds around the midsection. Or if you don’t have what would be considered a “neck” by traditional standards. Or if you make questionable fashion and facial hair choices. As long as you can pancake a sumbitch or two, you are beautiful.

[One side note: Brian referred to this incident as “AmBearcrombie and Bearfitch.” I humbly submit “ManBearCrombie” as an alternate nickname. ]

Elsewhere in wonderfully poachable Twitter-related news, Greg Mattison sat in a truck.

[After the jump]