trash

[Bryan Fuller]

There is a place. You are next to other people from opposing clans. Sometimes they say a thing. Then, you choose. You always choose. No matter what the circumstances are, or how you feel, you still have a choice. Michigan State had that choice at halftime. Patrick helpfully documented it. This is what happens in the Michigan tunnel when the hooting starts and nobody turns around to throw PB&Js:

I know that noise, now. It is the same one from Kirk Herbstreit's video from last year's Ohio State game and the same one from the Penn State game and the same one from this video. The opposing team goes down the tunnel; Michigan is delayed; Michigan is released. And then there is a perfect thing. 125 persons, give or take, all collectively go "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAH". No intelligible sentiments. Just a vibe. A vibe that is apparently driving opposition football teams insane. 

Because this is no different than what happens every week. The officials delay Michigan every time. To engage, you have to turn around. That's a choice. It's a choice two football teams made over the past year, but not Michigan State. They receive one point.

---------------------------------

I have bad news about ensuing decisions.

It is also a choice to respond to something someone said by getting them on the ground and kicking them in the head or swinging your helmet at them. I wish this doesn't have to be said, but evidently it very much does: nothing Gemon Green or Ja'Den McBurrows could have done with their mouths warrants aggravated assault. Their major sin was not being from the state and thinking that a Michigan State program that was just blasted off the field could be trusted to not beat them with helmets and cleats. They thought this was a normal game against normal people, like it was against Penn State:

They were wrong, and now they know.

Everyone knows. This is who Michigan State is and will continue to be. MSU has posted some vague suspensions, probably because the Big Ten has made it clear that "nothing" will not fly as a punishment. The fired president of the university issued a boilerplate apology that is remarkable only in its source. Even that statement seemingly enraged the already-enraged board. Six hours later the board announced that Stanley's interim successor would be named at noon today. Maybe it'll be John Engler, since it's time to circle the wagons again.

Meanwhile the rest of the MSU media sphere is either downplaying the post-game incidents, blaming the people not swinging the helmets, or straight up approving. Rivals's Jim Comparoni wrote an article blaming Jim Harbaugh—last seen not kicking anyone—that Ace has helpfully deconstructed. Here's a taste from MSU's apologist-in-chief:

Radio host Rico Beard said nothing in the aftermath except to retweet someone saying "now u want to cry." Former MSU TE Chris Baker:

image

Poke a random thread on the wretched hive of scum and villany that is the largest MSU message board on the internet and you'll get people who are 95% furious that Mel Tucker issued the same sort of boilerplate apology:

Mel Tucker is satisfied with his 95 million and has no fight left in him. Looked absolutely clownish making sure he shook Jim’s hand at the end of the game even though Jim had no time for him. And now confessing remorse without questioning Michigan’s role. He is broken. …

Stanley can choke on his mask and get fukced. GTFO already. …

If we do have a PR firm they are pathetic. The school needs to find a top notch one asap … Until we do that nothing will change in recruiting or perception of the athletics and school as a whole

I promise you that no one inside that program has an ounce of remorse this morning. The only ones who regret anything are the guys who wrote Mel Tucker a 95 million dollar check because he lucked into a Doak Walker winner buried on the Wake Forest depth chart.

Gemon Green is pressing charges, and he should, because he was assaulted by a program that has absolutely no ethics not imposed upon them by outside forces. It's not four guys who are the problem. There were dozens of Michigan State players and officials in that tunnel, and exactly none of them tried to intervene. I've been saying this for years. This is who they are.

But anyway. Bye.

52465510084_cb386848a6_k

Michigan has bigger things to do this year than listen to little brother say the tunnel was too narrow and Jaden McBurrows shouldn't have been skipping.

-------------------------------------------

Nothing changes about the tunnel. It's been like that for 95 years and will be like that for another 95. If there's weaponized hooting now, so be it. It's not up to Michigan to respond like functional adults when someone does something mildly annoying. This our vibe now. Take the L, and get the fuck out of our tunnel.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

52465527530_8868e0cffd_k

[Barron]

you're the man now, dog-2535ac8789d1b499[1]

#1 Blake Corum. 177 yards on 33 carries and was one ankle tackle away from breaking a couple of long ones. Slipped out of tackle after tackle, beefed up when it was short yardage, would not go down to the first guy.

#2 Kris Jenkins. Major factor in Michigan's two fourth and one stops, and singlehandedly rescued a couple of other plays in situations where it looked like Michigan was beat by alignment. First among many in quest to hold down MSU's ground game.

#3 Jake Moody. Night would have been a lot more nervous if Moody hadn't gone 5/5 on field goals, including a 54-yarder.

Honorable mention: Mazi Smith also had a hand in the first fourth down stop and helped stone the MSU run game. JJ McCarthy's timely scrambles converted a few important first downs. Luke Schoonmaker had a productive day as a blocker and receiver. Rod Moore helped shut down the one thing that worked for MSU and prevented any dignity drive from scoring with an interception. The Offensive Line kept McCarthy clean (no sacks) and paved the way for a 276 yard rushing output.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

35: Blake Corum (#2 CSU, #2 Hawaii, HM UConn, #1 Maryland, #2 Iowa. HM Indiana, T2 PSU, #1 MSU)

20: JJ McCarthy (#1 Hawaii, #2 UConn, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, #3 Indiana, HM PSU, HM MSU)

16: Ronnie Bell (HM CSU, HM Hawaii, #1 UConn, #2 Indiana, HM PSU), Mike Morris (T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, #1 Iowa, T1 Indiana, #3 PSU)

13: Mazi Smith (#1 CSU, T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, HM MSU), Kris Jenkins (#3 UConn, T3 Hawaii, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana, #2 MSU)

12: The Offensive Line (#3 Iowa, #1 PSU, HM MSU)

7: Gemon Green (HM UConn, T2 Maryland, HM PSU)

5: DJ Turner (T2 Maryland), Junior Colson (#3 CSU, HM UConn, HM PSU), Luke Schoonmaker (T3 Maryland, HM Iowa, HM Indiana, HM MSU)

4: Eyabi Okie (HM CSU, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana),  Donovan Edwards (HM Hawaii, T2 PSU), Jake Moody (HM PSU, #3 MSU).

3: Derrick Moore (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Jaylen Harrell (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Mason Graham (HM Hawaii, HM Iowa, HM Indiana), Rod Moore (HM CSU, HM Indiana, HM MSU)

2: Roman Wilson (HM CSU, HM Hawaii), Max Bredeson (T3 Maryland), Joel Honigford (T3 Maryland), Mike Sainristil (HM Maryland, HM Indiana)

1: Braiden McGregor (HM CSU), Makari Paige (HM Hawaii), Rayshaun Benny (HM Hawaii), Cornelius Johnson (HM Hawaii), , AJ Henning (HM UConn), Caden Kolesar (HM UConn), RJ Moten (HM Maryland),

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

MSU runs six plays in the third quarter for a total of eight yards as Michigan puts the game to bed.

Honorable mention: Moody hits a 54-yarder. Snap hijinks result in a turnover. Corum is eventually the recipient on a very complicated play from the two that scores. MSU OT takes an incredibly stupid penalty on their July drive, terminating it.

image?MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Michigan State decides to go American History X on a couple of Michigan players in the tunnel after the game.

Honorable mention: Nearly back-to-back mossings equal a quick MSU touchdown and their only lead of the game. Cornelius Johnson fumbles on Michigan's first drive. A rad Ronnie Bell catch is overturned and Michigan refuses to go for it on fourth and three, so Brad Robbins doesn't get a second straight game without a punt.

[After THE JUMP: actual football!]
crains 40 under 40 [Patrick Barron]

10/20/2018 – Michigan 21, Michigan State 7 – 7-1, 5-0 Big Ten

No ghosts, no magic, no secret sauce: there's nothing hidden in Michigan State's recent run with Paul Bunyan. Most of the time they were a better football team than Michigan, and better football teams tend to win football games. All the noise was just that. Michigan lost games because they were bad football teams run by bad football coaches.

But holy hell, you just try to believe that when it's 7-7 despite a second quarter spent entirely on the Michigan State side of the field and it's raining and Michigan's fumbling like Urban Meyer trying to get his story straight and MSU's backup punter spears a disaster snap out of the air with one hand.

Then he hits a 60 yard punt, which is nearly double his season average. If the Black Pit of Negative Expectations didn't rise up and claim you then, you are a better human than I. The rain, and the turnovers, and the improbable thing by the guy in the thing with the rain… etc.

Fortunately, it turns out that being a vastly superior football team is still a good way to win football games. The rain cleared, the five-star quarterback threw a pass to the five-star wide receiver for a 79-yard touchdown, and that was more or less that. All over but the shouting.

But this is Michigan-Michigan State, so the shouting is the main event.

---------------------------------

Jim Harbaugh described the pre-game dust up as "bush league," and that was about right. If you are a human like me who has been infected with the Lebowski virus your immediate thought was the Jesus ranting about BUSH LEAGUE PSYCH-OUT STUFF. And that's what it was.

There is no other reason to roll out on to the field in helmets and no pads—because that's a thing people do—ten minutes late, when you know various Michigan players will be on the field for their allotted whatever. And there's no other reason to walk through those players with your arms locked. Hell, it probably worked. Devin Bush went full Rick James on the Spartan logo at midfield shortly after; he picked up a mystery unsportsmanlike conduct flag in the first half.

In the aftermath, MSU beat writers are going into more detail about a confrontation that doesn't even warrant the term "kerfuffle" than any one of the many incidents that ESPN turned up when they investigated the Spartan athletic programs in the aftermath of Larry Nassar. The word "class" has been uttered. This is all a distraction.

Shouting is warranted. Shouting about some goons holding green bones trying to pull an imaginary one over on a team that will hold them to 93 yards of offense in the near future is not. Michigan State is, has been, and will be trash. Shout about that. Michigan State deserves no respect and should be treated with nothing but contempt.

This has always been true. An event like the above happens about every third year. That, too, is a sideshow.

This weekend on WTKA, Lorenzo White openly joked about the giant piles of steroids MSU was doing the last time they were relevant. This is a widely-reported fact that did not prevent George Perles from becoming an MSU trustee. An internal investigation cleared Perles; in 2008 Tony Mandarich admitted his steroid use and told Armen Keteyian that by the time he reached the NFL he was addicted to painkillers. It is an open secret that MSU did zillions of steroids in the early 1990s and that Mandarich exited Michigan State a ticking timebomb. Not only did MSU let that guy escape with his undeserved dignity intact, they put that guy on the board of trustees.

I mean, why not, right? The rest of the board consists of former football players, infamous slumlord/booster Joel Ferguson, the grandson of the guy the basketball arena is named after, and a couple people who don't even have a good reason to be a shameless lickspittle in the face of incontrovertible evidence that the institution they nominally govern is a failed enterprise. Collectively they said Lou Anna Simon should keep her job after the worst sexual assault scandal in the history of the United States.

So fuck Michigan State. Fuck their football and basketball teams especially, as they are the main drivers of the deranged culture that enabled Larry Nassar. There is a straight line to draw between Perles and the rest of his board to Mark Hollis to Lou Anna Simon, all of it enabled because Michigan State got to beat big brother in some sports sometimes. Nobody in power at that university cares about the woman subjected to Keith Appling and Adriean Payne's charms, or Auston Robertson's victim, or Travis Walton's, or the various people subjected to the presence of Michigan State players in events that weren't sexual violence but were sure as hell violent. So why would they care about insistent reports dating back 20 years about a doctor abusing gymnasts?

Well, you see, sometimes we get to rub the big in-state school's nose in it. So, obviously. It's all good.

------------------------

There's an undercurrent in the Michigan fanbase that MSU is beneath notice. This is wrong, but I get it. There was a point in time in the past when the best revenge was celebrating with Paul Bunyan in the locker room. This is no longer the time we have, for various reasons. One is Michigan having various bad football teams. The other is what happens when MSU is beneath notice.

30516674257_8b07833254_k

[Patrick Barron]

You've been noticed. We see you for what you are.

HIGHLIGHTS

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

45423985302_6412513aec_k

[Barron]

-2535ac8789d1b499[1]you're the man now, dog

#1(t) David Long, Lavert Hill, and Brandon Watson. The main drivers of a 5/25 passing performance. Joel Klatt, a former quarterback, reached untold depths of despair when trying to describe what Brian Lewerke was seeing downfield: absolutely nothing. Two points each because they're made up and don't matter and this section probably should have highlighted them more this season but doesn't because they barely get thrown at.

#2(t) Chase Winovich and Josh Uche. The other half of the dominant pass performance; three sacks between them, with Chase chipping in his usual level of run pursuit.

#3 Donovan Peoples-Jones. It was just one catch, but it was a good one.

Honorable mention: Karan Higdon had a Chris Perry kind of day. Shea Patterson had ups and downs but his legs are now a thing. (Don't tell any DCs about that.) The OL got another collective W.

KFaTAotW Standings.

8: Chase Winovich (#1 ND, #3 SMU, #1 NW, T2 MSU)

5: Karan Higdon (#1 WMU, #3 Nebraska, #3 Wisconsin).

4: Devin Bush(#3 ND, #1 Nebraska), Rashan Gary(#2 WMU, #2 Nebraska), Shea Patterson (#3 WMU, #1 Maryland), David Long(#2 Wisconsin, T1 Michigan State).

3: Zach Gentry(T1 SMU, #2 Maryland), Juwann Bushell-Beatty(T1 Wisconsin), Jon Runyan Jr(T1 Wisconsin), Donovan Peoples-Jones(T1 SMU, #3 MSU).

2: Ambry Thomas (#2 ND), Josh Metellus(#2 SMU), Brandon Watson(T1 MSU), Lavert Hill(T1 MSU), Josh Uche (T2 NW, T2 MSU).

1: Will Hart (#3 NW), Mike Dwumfour (T2 NW), Kwity Paye (T2 NW), Khaleke Hudson(#3 Maryland).

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

45456899451_9a28e035a8_k

[Patrick Barron]

Donovan Peoples-Jones gives Michigan the winning margin in one giant play when everyone in the world thought a coinflip slog was in the offing.

Honorable mention: Jordan Glasgow rakes out a fumble. BPONE mitigated by a couple of deflected catches. Patterson stands in and hits Collins for a first-half TD.

image​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

Chris Evans fumbles to set Michigan State up at the 7, leading to a tie game and many sufferers of BPONE.

Honorable mention: Karan Higdon stumbles into the mesh point for another fumble. MSU's punter goes combo OBJ/Orin Incandenza. Patterson dorfs a couple of fairly easy TDs. The entire second quarter of implausibly not scoring.

[After THE JUMP: a SQUIRREL (not Devin Bush)]

Paul Bunyan Trophy

We are at the Residence Inn Ann Arbor Downtown.

The Sponsors

We can do this because people support us. You should support them too so they’ll want to do it again next year! The show is presented by UGP & The Bo Store, and if it wasn’t for Rishi and Ryan we would be saying all of this to our confused offspring.

Our other sponsors are also key to all of this: HomeSure Lending, Peak Wealth Management, Ann Arbor Elder Law, the Residence Inn Ann Arbor Downtown, the University of Michigan Alumni Association, Michigan Law Grad,Human Element, and Lantana Hummus

--------------------------------------------

1. Offense

Starts at 1:00

What happens when their trash program does their trash stuff, and Michigan isn’t going to apologize anymore. Michigan gains about 400 yards, 78 of which on the fly to DPJ that’s been coming for years. Recurrence of Shea’s nervousness, one bad read on an arc keeper, but the zone reads were camera fakeout-level. Were able to grind out the end of the game.

2. Defense

Starts at 28:22

MSU ran a trick play from the 4 yard line to score—when you’ve got to do that… Ton of opportunities for MSU to get a PI, missed long a bit but for the most part refs fairly allowed the guy who won the route to run it. Lewerke did and didn’t practice this week. Uche had two sacks, leads the team with five despite little in the way of snaps. A Rutger is when a team gives more points than they have yards (so for example MSU had a rushing Rutger).

3. Special Teams, Thoughts and Feels

Starts at 44:03

Bad punting decisions. You cannot punt on 4th and 5 from the 38—that was an 18-yard net punt. If you’re in go-for-it field position you should be setting up a makeable 4th down. Wish M had a play to get a second score from spending all 2nd Q in MSU’s zone. The worst punter in the conference made the play of the game. Guy was punting ground balls with eyes that you can’t field in a rainstorm. Dantonio’s sad timeouts: there’s no dignity being a Spartan.

Marcus Ray: shut up. Old players bashing the team aren’t helping the team; they’re trying to get notoriety at its expense.

4. Around the Big Ten with Jamie Mac

Starts at 1:01:05

How’s Michigan going to defend Rondale Moore? Is Ohio State’s defense just bad? Haskins made Woody roll in his grave 73 times, 20 more passes than the previous Ohio State game record. 4th down is a different world sans Barrett. Wisconsin and Illinois played a weird snow game. Iowa gave Maryland no big plays, i.e. nothing. We nearly lost a conference room to the worst Rutgers team since they joined the conference, which is saying something. IU outgained Penn State but lost in a #Chaosteam-like performance and kickoff returns. If the playoff committee is considering 1-win teams, Nebraska is first. Frost will be fine but what about Fleck?

MUSIC

  • "Hate to Say I Told You So"—The Hives
  • "You Ain’t a Killer"—BigPun
  • "My Cosmic Autumn Rebellion"—The Flaming Lips
  • “Across 110th Street”

THE USUAL LINKS

What part of the Wisconsin secondary is checking Rondale Moore?