The Ace Pod now has a sponsor! Thank you to the law offices of E. Jason Blankenship, whose website is now fully armed and operational.

This week’s mailbag discusses:

• Unpleasant victories (“no disrespect to Akron”)
• Pinpointing why we are the way we are (it’s The Game, guys)
• The possibilities of a 2QB formation (trash it)
• Reasons for hope with the offense (many, in my opinion)
• Which announcing team is the best we can hope for right now (it’s bleak out there)
• How to get a good picture of a dog (cut loose)
• A quick health update (progress!)

But before all that, I dig into Pat Narduzzi’s lengthy defense of attempting a field goal from the one-yard line with five minutes left in a seven-point game. While he succeeded in getting his defense on the field, that may not be the victory he believes it is. #NardDogg4MSU

MUSIC:

"Choking on a Piece of Meat, Pt. 2"—The Poets of Rhythm

DOWNLOAD:

Direct download link

Pitt apparently had precisely two plays they thought could work on the opponent’s one-yard line. And they didn’t work.

The Sponsor:

It’s Nick Hopwood, our MGoFinancial Planner from Peak Wealth Management. He's got a Podcast about it called Finding True Wealth. And he also recently put together an online tool you can use to plan your finances. And you probably heard me say that last week but thought "I'm focused on this rivalry game; my financial future can wait until the bye week." Well, it's the bye week.

Legal disclosure in itty bitty font: Calling Nick our official financial planner is not intended as financial advice; Nick is an advertiser who financially supports MGoBlog. MGoBlog is not responsible for any advice or other communication provided to an investor by any financial advisor, and makes no representations or warranties as to the suitability of any particular financial advisor and/or investment for a specific investor.

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The Question:

Brian: Does anyone know how to make a twitter bot? Because a rutger twitter bot would really make this a thing.

David: Man, it must be the bye week.

Brian: We're making fetch happen david.

David: @brian I had to urban dictionary that.

BiSB: Fetch?

David: Yeah.

Brian: HAS NO ONE SEEN MEAN GIRLS

David: I tried to watch it 3 years ago and fell asleep

BiSB: /giphy She doesn't even go here

Smoothitron: Confession: one of my first big gifs was the Mean Girls with the M QBs but I haven't actually seen it either.

David: +1!

Smoothitron: Like with most cultural touchstones I just read the WP article. The list of things I have not seen would shock and horrify you.

Brian: ANYWAY since it's the bye week we have some time to contemplate deep philosophical questions like WHY HASN'T ANYONE SEEN MEAN GIRLS and this from the mathlete:

TWO: What happens next, where does the rivalry go from here now that Michigan is competent and capable?

I will cede the floor to folks who have not already made their desires to burn MSU to the ground and salt the earth plain.

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The responses:

Smoothitron: It will continue entirely on Twitter, because as a lifelong Indiana resident I have only ever met 1 MSU fan in person. He was a middle school PE teacher and would loudly curse at us when he beat us at badminton.

Brian: Were you in middle school at the time?

Smoothitron: I was. 3rd place finisher in the badminton tourney. My claim to fame since I lost all the spelling bees.

David: I was wondering where all the bees went

Brian: I feel like you have gotten the authentic MSU fan experience through this one guy.

Smoothitron: He was also the D-Line coach at the high school so I have to figure.

He never coached me because I quit football after middle school to focus on the Academic team.

Seth: I unfortunately know many many many Spartans, and all were Michigan fans or neutral until they did not get into Michigan. As long as you do not trigger the Spartan vein they are all very nice people. Once you do, you get facial expressions from Lie to Me and find yourself in a very "oh crap we're talking politics" conversation.

Brian: This is somewhat orthogonal to the desired thrust of conversation.

Has Order Been Restored, folks?

[After THE JUMP: ?]

Author’s note: Last week featured some BAD football in the Big Ten. Michigan’s opponents played Pitt, North Carolina, and a pile of broken pottery and assorted dishwasher parts. We get paid off this week, though; Michigan State plays Notre Dame, Ohio State plays Oklahoma, Iowa plays North Dakota State, and (for fans of the Saw movie franchise) Rutgers plays New Mexico.

About Last Week:

Physics: fun for the whole family.

The Road Ahead:

Colorado

Last week: Beat Idaho State, 56-7

Recap: Colorado did unspeakable things to Idaho State on Saturday. Really grizzly stuff. They held the Bengals to 96 total yards, including 61 yards passing on 41 attempts. That’s less than 1.5 yards per pass. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen a number that bad, and then I remembered that Eastern Michigan once threw 18 times for 4 yards against a MAC school. So, I guess it COULD be worse. But barely.

Offensively, Colorado scored touchdowns on seven of its eight first half drives. Quarterback Sefo Liufau racked up 384 total yards despite only playing one half.

Idaho State is bad. It’s as if beating Simon Fraser University in their opener 47-3 wasn’t worth anything. On the other hand, Colorado might be good.

This team is as frightening as:

In case you haven't seen this week's depth chart. What and who is in your favorite position? #GoBuffs pic.twitter.com/19qUmVyO6P

— Colorado Football (@RunRalphieRun) September 13, 2016

A team that is moderately creative, but lacks the execution to spell “Axel Foley,” Olive Oyl,” or “Willy Wonka” correctly. Fear Level = 5.5

Michigan should worry about: There’s a chance Colorado can sneak in under Michigan’s radar.

Michigan can sleep soundly about:

The @RunRalphieRun uniform combination is ... the exact same as it was on 9/24/94. #GoBuffs pic.twitter.com/fbyjoWX3P5

— Colorado Buffaloes (@cubuffs) September 12, 2016

Neeeeeeever mind.

When they play Michigan: No tip up. Down. Knock down.

This week: at Michigan, 3:30 p.m., BTN

[AFTER THE JUMP: Into the Pitt]