amorion walker giant corner

UFR GLOSSARY is here.

FORMATION NOTES: Bone!

Michigan's front is what I call "Split" which is not to be confused with "Split!" where the NT is on the other side of the center, or "Splits" where both DEs are well wide of the DTs. MSU also had some super-wide Walt Bell Memorial splits. If you see "Bell" in the nomenclature it means the WRs are all beyond the numbers. It signifies a team has given up all hope of offense and has hired or is ready to hire Walt Bell.

SUBSTITUTION NOTES: The usual rotation with an increase in backup cornerbacks and McBurrows in the "competitive" portion of the game, with Amorion Walker in for a good third of the game and plenty of DJ Waller. German Green was only on for the last two plays/drives. Jimmy Rolder returned from injury and was the fourth LB. Keon Sabb was limited to just 7 snaps as Rod Moore played most of the game; Zeke Berry returned for late snaps.

[After THE JUMP: Having their number isn't the same as having their signs.]

Welcome to the least interesting spring in memory. Position roll call:

• QB: is JJ.
• RB is Corum and Edwards.
• WR is Johnson, Wilson, Henning, and the next generation.
• TEs are Loveland, Barner, and Bredeson.
• IOL is Keegan/Nugent/Zinter. Outside has three guys who started last year and two transfers.
• DTs are Jenkins and Graham, Grant, Benny, and Goode.
• DEs are Stewart and some combination of McGregor, Moore, and Harrell.
• LBs are Colson and Barrett again, except this time with depth.
• Safeties are Moore and Paige, with a lot of options behind them.
• Nickel is Sainristil.
• Cornerback is Will Johnson and OPEN.
• Punter is Doman
• Kicker is OPEN.

That's it. We're choosing between four seemingly good options at tackle, trying to find a 2nd and third cornerback, and waiting to see if the kicker will be the freshman or a walk-on. With so many depth charts settled, instead of finding the drama at each position we're gonna have to go out and find it.

The Rule of Offseason is skepticism should be your natural stance. The program wants to sell hype. They know what the concerns are going in, and will seek to fill the information vacuum with whatever you most want to believe. This puts us in a weird position this year because what we want to believe about most of this team is also, you know, backed up by way more evidence than any spring talk can rig. There are so few spots not occupied by an obvious starter (or ten). So let's start with the group that lost everybody.

Specialists

Have I played the part well? Then applaud as I exit. [Paul Sherman]

What's the drama? Who's going to replace a mustached legend at punter, and the greatest kicker in program history?

What do we want to hear? Well, honestly, if Robbins wasn't so established and a 6th year senior and all that, he probably would have been passed by Tommy Doman last season, because Doman was outkicking him after Robbins got hurt. Also Moody was holding back some incredible kickers.

What are we hearing? He's a pinball wizard($).

Doman may have to handle all three major specialist duties. He’d be the first Michigan player to kick off, place kick and punt since Kenny Allen in 2016. “I plan to do that, for sure,” Doman told TheWolverine.com. “Just whatever the team needs me to be, I can do all three. That’s why I’ve been good at being a backup for them at those two positions, and I’m excited to compete at all three jobs.”

For On3 subscribers, that's a whole interview with Doman, including lots of bits about how Moody and Robbins prepared. Rhett Anderson was listed as one of the kicking competitors but wasn't on the spring roster, so the other kicking candidates are walk-on Charlie Mentzer and true freshman Adam Samaha, who will enroll this summer.

What it means: Doman did come in as a both-things guy. Punting-wise we've heard so much about him the last couple of years that I'm willing to buy he's at least a replacement for injured-Robbins last year, and probably closer to the Hangtime So Long You Can Read a Book version of Robbins from 2021. As a kicker, man, I can't predict #CollegeKickers when they're the reigning Groza winner; you want me to tell you what a new guy will do, sight unseen, when he spends half of his time punting? Is he our Commodus who grasped too much and in so doing ushered in a century of crisis that people who talk about history skip over way too often? Or is this just the bloodless ascension of Tiberius after the long reign of Augustus and Agrippa, with Rhett "Agrippa Postumus" Anderson exiled to ensure a smooth transition of power. Will Doman then find the challenges of handling all of these kicking jobs too stressful and elevate a younger Sejanus, or Adam Samaha as circumstances dictate, as his partner in labours? Could I exhaust this bit any further? Yes, of course. But let's get to the main story.

[After THE JUMP: A meter and a sloth gif.]

9/10/2022 – Michigan 56, Hawaii 10 – 2-0

There's a certain point where you're just unreasonably invested in some guy making a simple throw against a very bad team. JJ McCarthy rolled out on his second drive and had Erick All in the flat. Hawaii's safety was flying up at McCarthy, because McCarthy ran as much as he passed in Michigan's opener. All was open, and all McCarthy had to do was not screw up an easy play.

He did not. He flipped the ball out to All, who picked up a first down. Hooray.

I mean, what else was left? He'd just thrown a (nearly) in-stride bomb. As soon as he came in against Colorado State he ran for a touchdown, juking a safety along the way. He throws outs on a line, with velocity you can hear. He is a wide array of talents in one package. And so then there's just one thing left: don't be weird. Please, please, please don't be weird.

Don't be really good at the hard things and turf every screen. Don't have exactly one velocity everything is thrown at. Don't spend most plays bugging out of clean pockets. Don't call all your offensive linemen "Scooter 1," "Scooter 2," and so forth and so on. Don't watch defensive ends tear hell for leather at the running back and hand it off anyway. Don't throw the ball short, unless you should. When you throw the ball long, either throw it to open guys or give your guys a chance even if they're covered. Check into all the right plays. Have a mind like a diamond and eyes that burn like cigarettes.

That sort of thing.

You know, just be MechaGodzilla, the quarterback. Be instantly great, three standard deviations above the mean. Don't be one of those weird guys in the middle of the bell curve. Just throw the ball to the tight end so he can run. And do it every time, without variation, unless the defense requires you to vary. As they inevitably will.

Be perfect. Be fucking perfect. Be an unassailable tower of precision and might. Do everything right and nothing wrong and if you do something wrong fix it immediately. Make cacio e pepe without the sauce breaking.

And JJ McCarthy said "…ok"?

[Barron]

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This is the point where you dump out the caveats because someone in the comments is going to go "actually it was just Hawaii," but no, not this time. Go ahead, guy in comments. I acknowledge that other teams aren't going to accidentally run zero coverage on first and ten. I acknowledge that Roman Wilson is seven times faster than any Rainbow Warrior. Now you acknowledge, buddy. You sit there and say "holy shit" softly to yourself, just once.

Yeah, that feels real good.

I HAVE SEEN THINGS BUDDY

I have seen John O'Korn come in against Purdue and look like GOD HIMSELF. I have seen the NUMBER ONE DEFENSE IN AMERICA give up sixty septillion points to Ohio State crossing routes. I HAVE SEEN A SHIMMERING IN THE DISTANCE THAT SLOWLY RESOLVES ITSELF INTO A QUARTERBACK OF SUCH UTTER PERFECTION HE BEATS NOTRE DAME'S HEAD IN DESPITE SPOTTING THEM A VERY SILLY TOUCHDOWN AND HAVING NO OFFENSIVE LINE AT ALL. I have seen the ending of several LSU games.

I have perceived! Many times! I have built an entire persona around perceiving and relating things!

I'm ready. I am ready to make that call, the call no one ever mentions unless you're wrong and then every time you breathe a 16-year-old Michigan State fan puts a screenshot of it on your forehead. Well, screw you, @oldtakesexposed. I ain't afraid of you.

JJ McCarthy is it.

I'm in. I'm sold. He's never going to throw an interception. He's going to average 15 yards an attempt. He is going to slip out of a sack by detaching one of his arms and regrow it at halftime. He's going to NYC next year. Hell, maybe this year. Whatever. Make an outlandish prediction. I endorse it. JJ McCarthy is going to make Nick Saban quit football. He's going to invent shoes. He's gonna make Pluto a planet again. It's all happening.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

touchdown [Patrick Barron]

you're the man now, dog

#1 JJ McCarthy. If Ronnie Bell had caught that slant and picked up 11 yards—and he was probably getting at least 20—McCarthy would have averaged 20 YPA. Also he ran the ball once for 16 yards. That'll do, pig. That'll do.

#2 Blake Corum. Like last week, Corum is sort of a default pick in a game where almost nobody got to do a lof of stuff. On the other hand, nearly 10 YPC on nine carries will do nicely.

#3(t) Mazi Smith, Kris Jenkins, Mike Morris. Folks, if you set aside RJ Moten's four Michigan's leading tacklers in this game were Caden Kolesar, Micah Pollard, Deuce Spurlock, Jaydon Hood, and Kenneth Grant. My kingdom for a game competitive enough that someone can actually earn a spot for doing more than one thing. Most of the front gets this because Hawaii's ground game was picking one guy to double and losing to the other two guys every time. Two points each to marginally distinguish them from the HMs.

Honorable mention: Ronnie Bell had a drop and a fumble that knocked him down here but also caught six balls. Cornelius Johnson and Roman Wilson both hit multiple big plays. Donovan Edwards had a personal touchdown drive. Rayshaun Benny and Mason Graham looked more or less like starters. Makari Paige nearly had an INT and had a nice PBU.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

10: Mazi Smith (#1 CSU, T3 Hawaii), Blake Corum (#2 CSU, #2 Hawaii)
8: JJ McCarthy (#1 Hawaii)
3: Junior Colson (#3 CSU)
2: Mike Morris (T3 Hawaii), Kris Jenkins (T3 Hawaii), Ronnie Bell (HM CSU, HM Hawaii), Roman Wilson (HM CSU, HM Hawaii),
1: Braiden McGregor (HM CSU), Eyabi Anoma (HM CSU), Derrick Moore (HM CSU), Jaylen Harrell (HM CSU), Rod Moore (HM CSU), Makari Paige (HM Hawaii), Rayshaun Benny (HM Hawaii), Mason Graham (HM Hawaii), Cornelius Johnson (HM Hawaii), Donovan Edwards (HM Hawaii).

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

McCarthy rips the ball out of a mesh point and fires a laser to Ronnie Bell for an RPO touchdown.

Honorable mention: Ten of McCarthy's eleven other throws. Davis Warren fires an eyepopping dart to Max Bredeson. Mike Morris busts through for a sack.

MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

People boo Cade McNamara. WTF.

Honorable mention: Rain delay. Hawaii rushing touchdown looks pretty bad for third stringers.