"They're better at being Iowa than Iowa."

"We couldn't use a wrist band because some of us can't read."

"Doesn't seem like a healthy relationship."

"You are not being fair to radio callers because they are so much smarter than the Ohio State fans."

"I'm sorry I'm at an airport and there are multiple babies crying around me. Oh, we thought we'd logged onto the Big Ten coaches call."

"Nobody puts Connor on the sideline."

"They're afraid we're going to steal their signs, we don't want their signs."

"He would dominate at corn mazes."

"All of a sudden this completely insane club-wielding dude like hops on your back, starts gnawing on you like you're an acorn."

"Fortune favors the flea flickerers"