corn

10/9/2021 – Michigan 32, Nebraska 29 – 6-0, 3-0 Big Ten

At the end of seminal 1998 poker movie Rounders, Mike McDermott walks back into the underground club where he lost his whole bankroll years before. He says he "feels like Buckner walking back into Shea." I watched Rounders again a couple months ago because having something on to pay attention to is helpful when your personal life is spiraling towards divorce.

I came to regret this, because the phrase would not leave my mind.

In my current situation, Shea is damn near everywhere. The park I walk through to get my kid from school was  the site of a couple other walks, late night ones. The little court I cut through to get there is one letter off the name of the town we stayed on an anniversary trip that felt like it would be the end of the bad times and the beginning of the good ones, until it wasn't. I've lived in the same town—the same part of the same town—for 15 years. Everything and everywhere reminds me of the state of things.

Buckner walking back into Shea, if Shea was the Big Bang. Or, no: more like that episode of The Next Generation when Beverley Crusher gets stuck in a universe that keeps getting smaller.

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Consider two football teams, now. Both are ancient and dignified and scattered apart on the sands of what used to be a championship-level program. Both are run by former quarterbacks from the glory days. Neither has broken through in the way their large, absurdly devoted fanbases want. One constantly shoots itself in the foot just on the verge of poking through. The other does the same thing but somehow one feels more like a Three Stooges movie and the other a Lars Von Trier joint. Which is which depends on which team you're a fan of.

History has decided that these two teams are going to play each other, and that it's going to be close. Inevitably whatever happens now will go in the collective psychosis of the loser. The winner? Dopamine hit, sure. But if Bill Buckner walked back into Shea and fielded a routine grounder it wouldn't change a whole lot. Damage is quick, recovery is long.

If you ignore the jersey color of the winner, then, the result here was foreordained. More mania for Nebraska fans looking at a punt that went the wrong way and a late fumble and oh God whatever it takes to lose to Illinois. More caution for Michigan fans who do not trust that anything can be good. One fanbase spirals down, the other barely increments up. The moral arc of college football is always towards derangement.

After the game Cade McNamara stood in front of a reporter and told her that "previous Michigan teams lose this game." He prefaced that with a "no disrespect" gesture. That hit in the same way any "I'm not an X, but" statement does. There must be a German word for it, the phrase that disclaims the thing you're about to do and only intensifies how hard you're doing it. That was disrespect—disrespect that was on some level deserved. Previous Michigan teams have lost this game and others like it.

This Michigan team is probably going to as well, because that's what happens in college football unless you're one of the elites living in the recruiting arcologies Alabama, Georgia, and Ohio State have built. And in this weird post-covid year, even two of those three. The Revenge Tour team that did seem like a playoff team lost a cosmically dumb and stupid and dumb game against Iowa, and then ate The Spot a couple weeks later. There's no shame in being caught up in the tides of college football.

I don't trust it and probably won't trust it until long after it is reasonable to do so. But okay. You went into Shea—in this case a road game against an approximately top 25 team per the fancystats—and fielded a grounder. A tricky one, even. A cool tile has gone down over some lava. Trust comes back one tile at a time, and maybe this time the Michigan team won't lose those games. And when they do maybe it won't feel like another in a long line of errors.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Barron]

you're the man now, dog

#1 Brad Hawkins. The crucial strip and recovery to set up the winning points, plus an equally critical fourth down stop on Nebraska's first drive. I can't say for certain that he wasn't part of some of Nebraska's big plays but I'm pretty sure none of them were on him; he in fact had to clean up one when he came over to tackle a wheel route that (probably) Green busted on. Almost knocked that ball out for another turnover on downs.

#2 Hassan Haskins. The hurdle, of course, and several other grunting runs where he makes four or five yards after contact with his combination of power and balance. 5.9 YPC against a real defense despite frequent short yardage deployment.

#3 Jake Moody. More than just a guy who makes field goals. He's a guy who makes field goals in the same exact way, casually drawing them in from the left hash mark. Kick goes up, kick looks slightly wide, have now been trained to interpret that as a sign something good is going to happen.

Honorable mention: Uh Aidan Hutchinson was PFF's defensive player of the week again so I guess he should get an HM. Dax Hill turned in one spectacular INT and several other plays. Blake Corum had 18 touches that averaged 7 yards each. Josh Ross delivered several thumping tackles. The OL checks in here with special mention to Stueber, who was paving.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

23: Aidan Hutchinson (HM WMU, #2 Wash, #1 Rutgers, #1 Wisc, HM Neb)
17: The OL (#1 Wash, #1 NIU, HM Neb)
12: Hassan Haskins (HM WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, #2 Neb), Blake Corum (#2 WMU, T3 Wash, T2 NIU, HM Neb)
8: Ronnie Bell (#1 WMU), Brad Hawkins (#1 Neb)
7: Dax Hill (#3 WMU, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Wisc, HM Neb)
6: Nikhai Hill-Green(HM NIU, #2 Rutgers)
5: David Ojabo (#2 Wisc), Brad Robbins (HM Wash, #3 Rutgers, HM Wisc), Jake Moody (HM Wash, HM Wisc, #3 Neb)
4: AJ Henning (HM WMU, #3 NIU), Josh Ross (HM Wash, HM NIU, HM Rutgers, HM Neb)
3: Donovan Edwards(T2 NIU), Roman Wilson (#3 Wisc)
2: Cornelius Johnson(HM NIU, HM Wisc),
1: Andrew Vastardis (HM WMU),Mike Sainristil (HM WMU),  Mazi Smith (HM Wash), Gemon Green(HM NIU), Chris Hinton (HM Rutgers)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Hawkins's late strip and recovery sets Michigan up for a chip shot to win.

Honorable mention: Sainristil lays out for a long ball. Haskins hurdles a dude. Corum zips through an insert iso for a touchdown-creating chunk.

​MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

McNamara throws a terrible interception immediately after a Nebraska TD, setting up their go-ahead score.

Honorable mention: Illegal formation TD, various missed deep shots, Nebraska quackery getting Michigan's linebackers running after ghosts.

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1 hour and 20 minutes

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1. Football is Back. Okay?

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Addressing the hottest takes against bringing back Big Ten football with daily rapid COVID testing and a 21-day sit-out period. Basically this.

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