breaking bad
MGoBlog's tourney coverage is sponsored by HomeSure Lending, the only mortgage company with a TV Teddy impression.
3/21/2019 – Michigan 74, Montana 55 – 29-6, Round Of 32
There's not too much to say about an opponent who listed all five starters as guards and was so small that Jon Teske got 23 minutes and had one foul in that time. This was the opening tip.
The announcing crew spent most of the first 25 minutes openly hoping Montana could get their ass in gear and make it a game, and most of the last 15 talking about Reggie Miller's blood feud against a Michigan tuba. At one point Montana got a bucket and the tenor of the conversation is "Michigan's letting them hang around!" It was a two-point run from 15 down to 13 down.
The final score doesn't quite do it justice. Michigan was up 27 with six minutes left when blowout sloppiness set in, allowing Montana to score on seven of their last nine possessions. Before that: 39 points on 59 possessions. Like last year there was a point at which it was clear that Montana was out of offensive ideas. Unlike last year this point was their first shot.
So here we are on the 10th anniversary of Michigan's first Beilein bid, being bored. The foul-fest that was Nevada-Florida pushed Michigan's game a half-hour late, so the spacing on all the late games got mucked up. By the time Michigan was up 27 or 24 I kind of wanted to flip to the momentarily lit Wofford-Seton Hall game that Twitter was flinging up exclamation marks about.
Time to stop and think about where we are.
Hook oop! Oblig:
I want to see that 5 times a game from now on plz.
[after the JUMP: a spectacular photoshop]
63
In our continuing pursuit to explain to outsiders "what is Big Ten football," and, more importantly, "why is the Big Ten football," we turn to the world of metaphor. Or simile. I forget.
We look now at the Big Ten through the prism of the characters of Breaking Bad. Minor spoiler alerts, of course, but the series has been over for almost a year, so if you haven't seen the series GET ON THAT. Totally worth the time
--------------------
Michigan
Hank Schrader
Self-assured to the point of arrogance, but his brash exterior belies a deep-seated insecurity. He's not used to losing, so when stuff starts blowing up around him, he gets rattled. Everything started to go wrong when this upstart “Heisenberg” fella started to upset the order of things. He proceeded to pour unprecedented resources into chasing Heisenberg, like tailing people for weeks on end or spending $850,000 on a new offensive coordinator. He experiences successes, and occasionally seemed set to take down his quarry, but in the final confrontation with Heisenberg (who is, it turns out, family) he ends up busted and bleeding.
--------------------
Michigan State
Walter White (aka Heisenberg)
He spending years – nay, decades – as the doormat for those around him. But then through a series of unlikely events, Walter finally found himself on top of his world. He is suddenly the one who knocks. He IS the danger. Still, his inferiority complex shines through from time to time, and he spends as much time trying to prove he isn't the man he used to be as he does being Heisenberg.
--------------------
Ohio State
Saul Goodman
Some would call them “sleazy. ” They would prefer to think of themselves as calculating. They have a very well-oiled system and the resources to make it work. He occasionally gets punched in the mouth by Walter, and is threatened by Hank, though Goodman always stays just out of reach of the law. Also, of everyone in the show, he's the guy you really want to see get punched in the face, and you'd be like, "yeah, he probably deserved that, if not for this then for other stuff."
--------------------
Wisconsin
Gustavo Fring
Careful. Almost boringly careful. Nothing is unnecessarily flashy, which is what makes him effective. At the end of the day, you realize he’s probably a step ahead of you. He will run the zone stretch six times in a row until you think “I’ll jump the zone stretch and take over the drug empire,” which is when he goes play action for 36 yards. Then goes to the zone stretch.
I suppose I could have gone with "Badger," because, well, Badger. But Badger was a chubby white guy who somehow survives. Wait...
--------------------
Purdue
The Winnebago
They were there at the beginning, and for a while they kinda fit with the whole scheme. It was full of fumes, had terrible accommodations, and was in the middle of nowhere. And usually there were only a couple of people there. If you get stuck there for a couple of days, it will probably turn into the worst weekend of your life unless you can figure out how to MacGyver a battery out of some brake fluid and pocket change to get the everloving hell out of there.
--------------------
Penn State
Lydia
She used to be a major part of the drug empire until some turmoil threw that into doubt. Despite being marked for death a couple of times, and seemingly being on the cusp of being pushed to the side several times, she continues to find ways to be relevant. She's also conspiratorial as hell; she always thinks someone is out to get her. And while sometimes that's true, it's because she did some really, really bad things.
--------------------
Iowa
Marie
As soon as she shows up in an episode, your immediate reaction is "ugh, this is gonna suck." She's a somewhat major character, but she does absolutely nothing to drive the plot. Instead, you just get caught up in small and annoying side-plots that just make you hate that you're spending time watching this. There is no depth to her character; she's pretty much a one-note kind of gal. But all things considered, her character flaws are pretty minor, especially when compared to some of those around her, so it could be worse.
--------------------
Maryland
Tortuga
It isn't really his fault, per se, but his arrival signaled an epic shit-storm that made everyone around him not want to be there anymore. Plus, Tortuga means "tortoise" and a terrapin is a turtle. Which is like a tortoise. So it fits.
--------------------
Indiana
Jesse Pinkman
The plucky, scrappy little guy. Historically a f*ck-up, but occasionally pulls his act together enough to pull off a train heist or something. You root for him, largely because he's the lesser of however-many evils. His style is kind of refreshing, and often acts as a nice alternative to the heavy, dour roles played by everyone around him. Also, does a lot of meth.
--------------------
Nebraska
Skyler White
No one likes you. We get that you are good at some (limited) things, but that doesn't mean we want to see you ever.
--------------------
Illinois
"Tio" Hector Salamanca
Northwestern
Gale Boetticher
He seems like a pretty bright guy, and despite his quirkiness you find yourself rooting for him. But then one day, someone is like "you know, with the way things are going, YOU could run things in the West Division." And he starts to get all excited, and then BLAM.
In a way, he should have seen it coming. He isn't the type to lead. He's a born middle-of-the-pack type. Nevertheless, even though the natural progression of the plot needed him to... uh... exit the plot, we felt a little bit bad that it had to happen like it did. Also, tell me this pose doesn't look familiar:
--------------------
Minnesota
Badger
A chubby, gumpy-looking white guy who somehow manages to survive the whole damn series. He's not really a protagonist or an antagonist. You find yourself happy when he wins, but in the same way you're happy for your dog when he finally finds where you put his water dish. Sure, his accomplishments might not be impressive in the objective sense, but give the little guy a pat on the head anyway.
--------------------
Rutgers
The Fly
What is this? Wait, this is it? This is what we're doing? WHYYYYYY?????
56