UM Fakes

After starting the season 5-0 before dropping games to MSU, PSU, Iowa and Wisconsin, the Michigan coaching staff remains optimistic heading into Ohio State weekend and preparing for the first bowl game of the Rich Rodriguez era. Despite today's loss, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on amongst the coaching staff.

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat, Fake Big Ten Conference Expansion Chat, Fake Remaining Secondary Chat, Fake Post-NCAA Investigation Chat
 

You have entered UM 7-4 Google Wave

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "... so I say 'That's probably the greatest thing ever to occur in the history of Dinosaur Planet and all but can I have my sandwich now?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "LMAO. Fred Jackson you are a DELIGHT!"

HaRRd Edge: "Great story Fred. Alright, let's get started on OSU prep."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Ahem."

HaRRd Edge: "Yes?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Great story?"

HaRRd Edge: "Yes?"

MeAndHobbes: "Here we go."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Why isn't it the greatest story?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Easy FJ. I'm srue RR didn't mean it."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Because, you know, it's not easy being the eternal optimist. Do you think I enjoy comparing a 5'9" running back to an asteroid set to destroy Earth unless Bruce Willis can rocket himself into space and destroy it while Steven Tyler gyrates? Do you think I enjoy that?"

 HaRRd Edge: "No offense intented Fred, I just-"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Because I do kind of enjoy those metaphors."

MeAndHobbes: "Can we move on?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Please?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Agreed. Now we need to know what's necessary to keep the team's focus during a holiday week going into the Shoe. We need to send these seniors off on the right foot. What do you have planned Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I had the strangest dream..."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "The slumbering beast awakes with the force of the Krakken..."

 HaRRd Edge:  "What now Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I dreamed the dream of 113,000 soldiers. I dreamed of defensive tenacity and winning on a defensive stop. I dreamed of a torrential downpour the likes of Moses and the Old Testament and of a field of raptors in winged helmets tearing down upon a foe with an unusually large head and a hammer."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Is he speaking in elevated prose or just being dumb?"

MeAndHobbes: "Vegas would give you 2:1 odds on one of those answers."

 HaRRd Edge:  "That really happened Greg. We won by two against Illinois and won at Purdue."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Could it be? Could the one they call Cameron have actually scored?"

MeAndHobbes: "Rod - I can't do this man."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Ugh."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "My lord! This is what it feels like to be Dorothy and find that Oz was not but a dream."

MeAndHobbes: "Rod seriously. I'm about to red ruby shoe my ass outta here and to a head coaching job..."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Enough Greg. How are you going to stop Pryor?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'm in talks with Henson Studios of bringing my furry game puppet Jebediah to life by Thursday's team meeting."

MeAndHobbes: "What is the proper weight of resume paper?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "I CAN HAS CASTEEL?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Guys, let's focus. We have two more games."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "And then we just auto-complete the recruitment process, spend 40 minutes to three hours trying to keep seniors from going to the NFL, skip pre-season training drills and we're good to go."

MeAndHobbes: "For the last time Greg: coaching is not the same as XBox."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " I been pulling the Turbo trigger all season."

 HaRRd Edge:  "There seems to be a significant weakness on OSU's slants to the sidelines. Pryor has a habit of overthrowing them so if we cheat the route, there might be some opportunity there for turnovers."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "Got it."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Whoa, who the hell are you?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "So we live a life like a video... When the sun is always out and you never get old..."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "Adam Braithwaite. Safeties coach..."

MeAndHobbes: "Where the hell have you been?"

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "..."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Hey Adam, are you the jackhole responsible for all these missed kicks?"

MeAndHobbes: "Here we go..."

 PinkyandtheBraithwaite: "I believe that's yours Tony."

TGibsSmotherCover: "You're shitting me."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Pretty sure that's your unnecessarily long title on your business cards."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Hold on let me grab one."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "My name shall be passed down to generations while debating up in barber shops, young slung, hung here."

CodeRedMountainDews: "If you guys don't need anything..."

MeAndHobbes: "Talk about comin out of the woodwork..."

TGibsSmotherCover: "It's almost as if someone completely forgot to mention  members of the coaching staff in these chats."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Ok so it says Tony Gibson. Assistant Head Coach (hells yeah suckas!) Defensive backs blah blah blah... Special Teams coo-sonofabitch."

HaRRd Edge: "Anyone seen Fred?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "I'm here."

HaRRd Edge: "Why so quiet?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: " "

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Foreeeeeever young. I wanna be... Foreva young."

 HaRRd Edge: "Fine. It was the greatest story ever Fred."

ScoobyDooVillain: "Is there any chance I can have a fourth guy down on the line?"

MeAndHobbes: "It's almost like the season's ending so everyone who hasn't been mentioned is coming into the chat to make an unnecessary, innocuous and obvious comment."

TGibsSmotherCover: "That user name doesn't even look like he was trying hard at this point."

UWantFreysWithThat: "Derp."

MeAndHobbes: "Ok what the hell?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "This is a greater meeting of the minds than the the Manhattan Project if the Manhattan Project was inventing bombs of giant angry robot centaurs sent back in time to prevent socialism."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Thank God for the state of Indiana."

MeAndHobbes: "While they're back in time do you think they could also prevent Greg from bringing furry objects on the sidelines?"

FreeAgentCone:  ""

RodThaSequel: "LOL"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Time for practice."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Has anyone seen my stuffed varmint? I need to go fire up the janitor. Vaccuuming's been a little sloppy lately."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Guys?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Did everyone put me on Ignore again?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'mma get your heart racing in my skin tights jeans... Be your teenage dream tonight..."

After hearing the positive news about the NCAA investigation, and In light of the recent injury to Floyd and the transfers, and the injuries, and the transfers, and the losses, and the blue hairs, and the injuries, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on last night amongst the coaching staff.

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat, Fake Big Ten Conference Expansion Chat, Fake Remaining Secondary Chat
 

You have entered UM Post-NCAA Investigation Google Wave

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Truth be told, best investigation ever. I feel like these past months have been like the Iditarod on the Moon that's how fantastic it has been. How can every other school not be jealous of how astoundingly fast and strong this has been?"

HaRRd Edge: "I'm just glad it's over and that the NCAA saw it our way on this issue. WWDBD?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Have the adamantium ankle guards been shipped in yet?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Haven't seen any new packages but I'm sure their delivery will dwarf the worldwide speed and dispursal of Saint Nick."

 HaRRd Edge: "Yeah. Haven't seen them. Speaking of new packages, has anyone seen Greg? WWDBD?"

MeAndHobbes: "You can probably guess."

TGibsSmotherCover: "You're joking."

MeAndHobbes: "Wish I was."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Now I'm not much of a defense guy but am I missing something? WWDBD?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Only the greatest waste of time ever. An unneccessary push away from coaching exercises that is unrivaled by the Formation of the Apostles."

MeAndHobbes: "Dude."

TGibsSmotherCover: "He's sleeping in a hyperbaric chamber."

 HaRRd Edge:  "GTFO. R U JK? Wake him up! WWDBD?"

MeAndHobbes: "Rod - I hate to ask this but why do you keep putting WWJD at the end of your posts?"

*Rosenberg4AD would like to enter the chat*
*Rosenberg4AD has been denied entrance to the chat*

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "I sent a grad student whose film editing makes Einstein's Theory of Relativity appear mundane to wake him up."

 HaRRd Edge: "My computer got stolen Calvin. Mr. Brandon got me a new one with a stipulation that now that we're on probation he got to program it. WWDBD?"

*TortoiseAndTheHair has entered the chat*

TGibsSmotherCover: "I still don't get the acronym."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Sweet baby Jesus do I feel dynamite. Billy Jean had the right idea sleeping in one of those..."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Billy Jean?"

MeAndHobbes: "We've been over this. He still thinks Billy Jean is Michael Jackson. Greg. Thanks for joining us. Haven't seen you since Sunday."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "He's not my lover! And? Big deal. I took a day off. With the NCAA ruling coming up, I figured I should be rested and ready to go. BRB gotta go vote. Beat Illinois!"

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

 HaRRd Edge: "It's Thursday. WWDBD?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Still don't get the acronym."

MeAndHobbes: "I can't believe our offense is blowing the doors off the wall and our jobs rest with that guy."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Don't be modest Calvin. They're incredible metaphoric doors of rich mahogany and fine brass fixtures the likes of which God would feel their mere presence was prideful."

*ADBrandon has entered the chat*

TGibsSmotherCover: "Oh now I get it. Is it like the What Would Jesus Do? movement Rod?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "I'unno. WWDBD?"

*TortoiseAndTheHair has entered the chat*

 ADBrandon: "Good morning gentleman. Rod, I'm glad you're continuing to live by the mantra we discussed."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Holy crap. It's Thursday. Why didn't anybody tell me? Did the feller with the amazing hair win?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Hair like this: "

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "That hair is more amazing that of a baby seal born in the divine glow of purity swathed in light.

TGibsSmotherCover: "Does it stand for What Would Dave Brandon Do?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Oh is that what it means? I get it now. Hey that's kinda clever. WWDBD?"

 ADBrandon: "You are correct Mr. Gibson. I have asked Coach Rodriguez, and I ask all of you now, in this climate of probation, to not act until you ask yourself What Would David Brandon Do?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'll tell you what he'd do. Sleep in an oxygen rich sleep chamber for the sake of purification and health."

MeAndHobbes: "Please not now Greg."

 ADBrandon:: "...?"

 HaRRd Edge:  "Hey y'all watch this. Jeopardy style: Order a Dominos Pizza. WWDBD?"

S&Cassistant: "LOL"

 ADBrandon: "Out. Now."

*S&Cassistant has left the chat*

 ADBrandon: "I have a couple interview to give but I thought I would pass this note on from Coach Dantonio regarding our recent letter."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Who's he? He's not the offensive... that's Magee. Gibson works with me on cornerbacks. Coach Jackson handles the runners. Is he the defensive coordinator?"

MeAndHobbes: "Ugh."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Drink your milkshake and then beat you with a bowling pin. WWDBD?"

 ADBrandon: "Dear Coach Rodriguez et. al, I am sorry to hear that you are missing a laptop computer. I assure you that if the MSU football sweatshirt left behind by the perpetrator indeed belongs to a member of my team, I will be sure to enforce a zero tolerance policy."

*Rosenberg4AD would like to enter the chat*
*Rosenberg4AD has been denied entrance to the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "God I could use a milkshake."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Anyone read the book 'Are You There God, It's Me Margaret?' God can I relate."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Vanilla is the greatest milkshake flavor ever. I had a milkshake last week that tasted like the flower petals of a centaur's beard."

MeAndHobbes: "That doesn't seem like it would taste good."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Eat the entire Subway menu and then run two marathons simply to spite Jarred. WWDBD?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "So... question. Coach Jackson, why don't we blitz more?"

 ADBrandon: "Continued: In the event one of our players was responsible, I will be completely intolerant of them, refusing to clap, smile or award chocolates to him neither en route to the Rose Bowl from prison, nor when he enters the field some three hours later. While this may seem severe, I assure you I take this matter seriously. Yours, Danimal."

MeAndHobbes: "Well there's that."

*Rosenberg4AD would like to enter the chat*
*Rosenberg4AD has been denied entrance to the chat*

 HaRRd Edge: "Tell Coach Robinson it's his job to call blitzes and defensive formations. WWDBD?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Can we get Woolfolk one of those scooters they have at the grocery store with an awesome engine? Is that legal?"

 ADBrandon: "That's your job to tell him Rod."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Well this game got less fun. WWDBD?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Well guys, this has been outright exhausting. It's disappointing we've lost some games but at least we became bowl eligible against Bowling Green."

*Rosenberg4AD would like to enter the chat*

 ADBrandon: "I'll handle this."

*Rosenberg4AD has entered the chat*

Rosenberg4AD: "Guys. Wonderful. Congratulations on the tepid news today. Much better than what it could have been. Do you have any comment on my pure, un-adulterated and profound correctness? Have any of you chosen to resign?"

 ADBrandon: "Mr. Rosenberg. Thank you for joining us. Our coaching staff does not have any comment at this time. However, I am prepared to make a statement."

Rosenberg4AD: "Terrific. Have you chosen to quit from the shame of it all?"

 ADBrandon: "Let me be clear: i do know who you are but i don't know what you want. If you are looking for fear or terror i can tell you my school has none to offer you. But what we do have are a very particular set of history and pride. We also have a variety of friends that we hhave acquired over a very long history of success. Friends that can be a nightmare for people like you. If you let this issue die with an apology, let this crusade daughter go - now that'll be the end of it. We will not look for you - we will not pursue you. But if you don't we will look for you, we will find you and we will retire you." 

TGibsSmotherCover: "I just peed a little."

Rosenberg4AD: "Did you just threaten me using a quote from Taken?"

 ADBrandon:: "Did I?

MeAndHobbes: "Man Crush. Population: Schembechler Hall."

 HaRRd Edge:  "Is this a trick game based upon the whole WWDBD? WWDBD?"

Rosenberg4AD: "WHAT THE HELL!? There's a bag of flaming dog crap outside my door."

 ADBrandon: "Is there?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'll tell you what's terrifying. That little girl who sings in the Volunteers of America commercials. Sweet holy bird in the sky. I hide behind my couch."

Rosenberg4AD: "THIS HAS GONE TOO FAR? My neighbor just called and said my house is on fire!"

 ADBrandon: "Is it?"

*Rosenberg4AD has left the chat*

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "I'm lost for words."

 HaRRd Edge:  "I'm gonna. Um... go. And Coach. Really hard within the rules. WWDBD?"

 ADBrandon: "I suggest all of you do the same."

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

*TGibsSmotherCover has left the chat*

*YouDontKnowJackson has left the chat*

*MeAndHobbes has left the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Now when you say 'do the same,' do you mean coach or... you know... a lil siesta in the O2 zone? Apparently I'm in charge of the whole darn defense... that's gonna require a bit o snooze"

*TortoiseAndThe Hair has been removed from the chat*

*Guest has been invited to the chat*

ADBrandon: "Excellent work."

*Guest has changed its user name*

 FreeAgentCone:  "Thanks. Shit was smoother than Silk Milk, floatin in the breeze Fabreeze!"

 ADBrandon: "Not so sure about torching his house though. We had agreed to light the 800 copies of today's paper that our sources saw him buy on fire as a metaphor."

 FreeAgentCone:  "They were in his house."

 ADBrandon:: "And the dog feces?"

 FreeAgentCone:  "Didn't come from a dog."

 ADBrandon: "I'm really not sure how I feel about that."

 FreeAgentCone:  "Well you know what they say?"

 ADBrandon: "What do they say Mr. Cone?"

FreeAgentCone:  ""

In light of the recent injury to Woolfolk and the transfers, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on amongst the remaining Secondary

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat, Fake Big Ten Conference Expansion Chat
 

You have entered UM Remaining Secondary Talk Google Wave

TGibsSmotherCover: "Alright guys. With the recent departure of Vlad the DepthChartImpaler,  I think it's important we get as much fire and passion into this defense as possible heading into Notre Dame."

HaRRd Edge: "That's right. It's a new beginning. Dave Brandon even bought me a new laptop for beating UConn! While I may have accidentally issued release papers to the wrong player due to this new computer..."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Wait what?"

 HaRRd Edge: "Long story short I got papers ready for Tate when Melanie Collins' tweeted about him. Thought it was a done deal! That shit's real life!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Happens all the time."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No... No it doesn't. So wait, you just issued papers to #5 and didn't check to see which one it went to."

 HaRRd Edge: "There's no right button on my mouse! The damn thing has no Start Menu. What the hell does "return" mean? It was an honest mistake!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "One time I accidentally kicked the entire special teams off the field because I thought Zoltan was a German slur."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Unbelievable. Somebody invite the players so we can get going with this."

 TheJollyRogers: "Ready to go coach! Whatever you need."

CullenYourOffense: "Let me know what I need to do and I'll blow it up."

  T8Gr8: "Ok will someone explain to me why I'm here?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "We'll tell you what you need to know! Start doing reps!"

  T8Gr8: "But I just got a Killtacular!"

 HaRRd Edge: "Move it!

*T8Gr8 has left the chat*

TGibsSmotherCover: "What the hell was Tate doing in here?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Jesus Gibs... First you complain about one little mixup and now you're complaining about us adding a player to your roster. HOLD THE ROPE MAN!"

HaRRd Edge: "Well the thing is... remember the #5 issue?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "You're shitting me."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "ALL IN! GO BLUE!"

TGibsSmotherCover: "What's wrong with you Greg?"

CullenYourOffense: "Okay well I don't really know what's going on here but don't worry - we're here to win!"

FlashGordon: "Cullen speaks the truth. Anyways, I've got a question."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Don't be embarrassed. I get it all the time - rinse, lather, repeat... then, I add a little bit of lime and a sprinkle of honey... that's what gives it the bounce"

 FlashGordon: "Ummm.... well actually I was going to ask if we should report vandalism to DPS or through Ann Arbor police. Somebody put bubble wrap all over my place."

JTFlow: "Same thing happened to me. And my tires got slashed."

 CullenYourOffense: "Same."

 TheJollyRogers: "Wait I thought it was just hazing on the starting roster..."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No need to call. That's called preparation."

 FlashGordon: "Wait what?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Can't have any more injuries now can we?"

 CullenYourOffense: "Wait did you beat the hell out of my best friend from high school too?"

 TheJollyRogers: "Did you empty my pantry and refrigerator?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "People develop the strangest food allergies suddenly"

 FlashGordon: "Did you call my girlfriend and break up with her posing as me?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Jesus people have you SEEN Fatal Attraction. God."

 JTFlow: "I can't believe I'm asking this because I thought it was a prank but now... did you legally change my name to Wolverine VidalSassoon McSchembechler?"

 

 TGibsSmotherCover: "No..."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "That was me. Try to transfer now! BOOM RETURNINGSTARTER'D"

 HaRRd Edge: "I like the initiative Greg."

*Kovacula has entered the chat*

 Kovacula: "Hey sorry I'm late... had to go to the Fish Bowl to get online. I think I got a computer virus."

*T8Gr8 has entered the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY GOD WHY?!"

  T8Gr8: "Guys? 4srs? Cornerback?"

HaRRd Edge: "Greg settle down. I believe he means his PC is failing to function at its "potential." LOL Mac4Lyfe"

 TheJollyRogers: "This shit is ridiculous."

 

 Kovacula: "Coach Robinson, I'm fine."

 

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "SHUT UP COMPUTER ROBOT FROM THE FUTURE PRETENDING TO BE JORDAN KOVACS! WHY DID YOU DESTROY HIM? WAS IT FOR HIS CLOSE-CUT HAIR!? WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?"!

 FlashGordon: "Anyone know what Arkansas' secondary looks like?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "IS IT BECAUSE OF MY BEAUTIFUL SILKY GREY HAIR!? IS THAT WHY YOU ALLOWED THE ROBOTIC OVERLORDS TO TAKE DEAR KOVACS FROM US?! Well then SO BE IT! I will make it so that his life is celebrated"

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

HaRRd Edge: "Whatever, he's in charge of linebackers anyways. Hey has anyone checked out how amazing iTunes is? I was using WinAmp b4. LOL. noobs"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Pardon me but what in the hell is going on?"

  CullenYourOffense:  "Hell if I know friend-beater."

 Kovacula: "So is this basically what's been going on the whole time?"

 JTFlow: "Same as last week."

 FlashGordon: "And the week before."

 

  T8Gr8: "Ok jokes over. It's not funny. My dad just put up a picture of me being scored on by a wide receiver drawn in MSPaint on qbforce.com"

TGibsSmotherCover: "LOL"

 HaRRd Edge: "Pwn3d"

 TheJollyRogers: "I think I just saw Coach Robinson running through the parking lot with a can of gasoline."

 HaRRd Edge: "It happens. He'll get tired out and take a nap."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Remember when he had a meltdown at Chuck E Cheese because that 4 yr old tussled his hair in the ball pit?"

 HaRRd Edge: "LOL"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "He got kicked out by the 14 yr old waiter. Classic."

 HaRRd Edge: "Best non-bowl postseason ever."

 JTFlow: "So coach what will we be shifting in the defensive set to make up for the lack of depth? Or just going with what works?"

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Or remember that time he ate too much cotton candy at the state fair and went on a sugar rush? We had to get a fire truck to bring him down from the roof of the House of Mirrors"

 Kovacula: "I think we'll just have to ride it out and hope maybe a walk-on comes in and makes an impact like in previous years. Cough cough."

 HaRRd Edge: "That was Shafer."

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Oh yeah."

 

*TortoiseAndTheHair has entered the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Everyone remain calm. I have purged the threat of further injury to our secondary by killing the robot invasion that took dear Jordan Kovacs from us."

 Kovacula: "I'm right here."

 HaRRd Edge: "How'd you do that Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I began by executing the beast in his residence. I stabbed it and smashed it repeatedly with a baseball bat until it lay decimated on the floor. To think it arrogantly sat atop his counter, filled still with young Kovac's plasma, the air reeking of the sweet strawberry smell of blood."

 Kovacula: "You broke my $500 blender?!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Silence robotic demon!"

 TheJollyRogers: "Does anyone hear sirens?"

 

 FlashGordon: "Sound close to campus..."

  CullenYourOffense:  "I smell smoke."

 HaRRd Edge: "Greg....?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "And like the brave Viking warriors who preceded him, I lit young Kovacs' residence aflame... thereby purging any remnants of the robotic virus invasion that claimed his life and SALUTING THAT YOUNG SIR FOR ALL HE WAS TO OUR TEAM, OUR COMMUNITY, OUR WORLD!"

 Kovacula: "WHAT THE HELL?!"

*Kovacula has left the chat*

 HaRRd Edge: "Greg not again..."

 

 TGibsSmotherCover: "Classic Greg."

 

Hey everybody. In light of the recent debate regarding the Big Ten conference alignment and chaos ensuing, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the impotant and unique dialogue going on amongst the Athletic Directors on this monumental decision

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat, Fake Secondary Chat
 

You have entered Big Ten Conference Alignment Talk Google Wave

JDandCoke: "I'd like to thank you all for being here. I know emotions are running high regarding what decisions we make here and I just ask that everyone remain calm and collected regardless of the decisions made."

LarryMo&Me: "Glad to be here Jim! Go Nittany Lions!"

OSuper: "I think David and I are in agreement that this needs to be kept a time honored part of our conference and NCAA football."

SwedishChef: "We need to put Purdue in the Conference Game of the Year..."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Sounds great, as long as Iowa isn't in the conference"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Your mom's a conference."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "I really do not understand what the big deal is if UM and OSU are in different divisions of the conference. Jeez... any Northwestern Humanities student could prove this"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "I truly don't understand how this complex system known as the internet works. I mean Goodness Gracious - This IM is sponsored by CocaCola. It's the real thing. Coke."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "UM Sux"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "I'm sorry. That was Gary from Bath who's helping me today."

HeartOfGlass: "Anyone have the phone number for Georgia State?"

ADBrandon: "Mark you need to stop having "AD for a Day" contests"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "How else are we going to sell FAU tickets?"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "I have a point of great importance. When are we getting rid of the commies?"

JDandCoke: "The commies?"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "Sweet Mother's Maple Syrup, the internet is amazing! I just sent an "electronic letter." Feel like feeling fit? Living a Healthy Lifestyle? Contact Stephanie Oakes: Fitness and Health Expert."

LarryMo&Me: "Hey why isn't Reagan still president? He's not too old"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Wisconsin! All red? Shared border with socialist Canada? Need I continue?!"

SwedishChef: "Seriously. Nobody even knows who I am."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Iowa's only contributions in life are corn and being identifiable to sixth graders because their state's the shape of poo."

OSuper: "I think David and I are in agreement that this needs to be kept a time honored part of our conference and NCAA football."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "You see the sheer odds of a UM/OSU rematch are mathematically clear and astoundingly obvious. Not to mention taking each other out of conference contention would be honorable. Homer once wrote “The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "I love the Simpsons."

Jo-ElofKrypton: "We couldn't get wireless internet up here for years until we agreed to exclusive sponsorship. I'd been downloading our season schedules on dial-up until last week! - This IM is sponsored by Randy's Fishmarket Restaurant. Located in Naples, FL, Randy's Fishmarket Restaurant is a fresh laid back seafood restaurant with the focus on the freshest highest quality seafood from the Gulf. Stop by today."

OrangeYouGlad: "I really don't know what the big stink is. Juice Williams is going to destroy whoever they have to play next year in the championship."

JDandCoke: "I'd like to refocus this conversation to the topic at hand."

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Hey Delaney - if you don't like the convo, you and your french poodle Wisconsin can Geeeeet Out. Amurrica. Love it or leave it."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Look at my dog LOL"

BarryAndTheHendersons: ""

HeartOfGlass: "BRB Hoosiers is on."

*HeartOfGlass has left the chat*

OrangeYouGlad: "One of my aides just told me Williams isn't eligibile anymore?"

ADBrandon: "We need to retain the unique nature of this time-honored tradition in a way that respects not only the schools involved but the conference."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Utilizing a very simple formulative theorem that takes into account the multiple variables and unique independent exponential y-identities"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "What do 2008 Wisconsin and the French have in common? They both snatched defeat from the grips of victory. LOLOLOLOLOL"

Jo-ElofKrypton: "No seriously guys have you checked out this Internet? You can watch videos and stuff. I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you about this but there's recruiting sites on here where you can find out about players all over the country! Donna's Family Daycare offers a fun and loving environment for your children. Our daycare currently has children between 18 months and 10 years old and is happy to meet you and your family for consultations on our services."

OSuper: "The complex nature of this conference and the unique way in which UM and OSU have helped each other into the annals of sports history must be retained."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "You said annal."

OrangeYouGlad: "BRB coaching search."

SwedishChef: "There are more pictures of Wilford Brimley and Dave Brandon on Google images than there are of me! DO SOMETHING DELANEY"

ADBrandon: "That's probably because I have amazing hair."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Now wait a damn minute here."

ADBrandon: "Greg please see your way out the e-door."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

*ReturnOfTheMack has entered the chat*

Jo-ElofKrypton: "So what are we doing guys? The Roller Skating Place in Orillia, Ontario, Canada, is THE place to skate in Canada. Roller Skating since 1980! Call 705-326-1444 for more information on group rates and theme nights!"

*OSuper has left the chat*

ReturnOfTheMack: "Anyone seen Gene Smith?"

JDandCoke: "Gentleman if we can get back to the matter at hand."

*ReturnOfTheMack has left the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "The lamen must merely utilize a bifractal exponent set that uses ñ(x^2) as the imaginary character factor that, when plotted with a t-base"

OrangeYouGlad: "Okay so Lane Kiffen said he'd happily take over our program. He seems to think this is the place he wants to retire as coach... Thoughts?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

LarryMo&Me: "It is such a beautiful day! "

Jo-ElofKrypton: "HOLY COW. THERE'S LADIES WITH NO CLOTHING ON MY SCREEN! ON THE INTERNET! Snake River Brewing offers the best in-house stout and food in all of Wyoming. Stop in today, just five blocks off W Broadway near S Jackson St. Snake River Brewery and Restaurant."

*Jo-ElofKrypton has left the chat*

*HeartOfGlass has entered the chat*

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Corn Huskers? More like Corn BUSKERS..."

IceCreamWithMyPi: "As an aside, the term busker is a chiefly British slang term for a street musician who panders for money utilizing musical talents. Anyways, where was I?"

*GoldenDomeofHeaven has entered the chat*

GoldenDomeofHeaven: "LOL psyche LOL

*GoldenDomeofHeaven has left the chat*

HeartOfGlass: "Hey, how good is Brother Rice? They're free for Week 2 in 2013."

LarryMo&Me: ""

SpartyCuzIGotta: "WHO YOU CALLING BROTHER?"

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Barry? More like Hairy... BALD SLAM!"

JDandCoke: "Alright you two ENOUGH! Go to your separate divisions!"

BarryAndTheHendersons: "Sorry."

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Sorry."

*BarryAndTheHendersons has left the chat*

*MadnessThisIsBarta has left the chat*

OSuper: "Now as I was saying... OSU has a proud tradition of strong performances that will continue regardless of the alignment."

*TimeoutsAreForUrMom has entered the chat*

*OSuper has left the chat*

TimeoutsAreForUrMom: "Anyone seen Smith?"

SwedishChef: "Campus security tased me as I walked into my own office because they didn't know I was the athletic director."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "At least it wasn't pepper gas."

TimeoutsAreForUrMom: "Seriously. Someone said he was in here."

*Jo-ElofKrypton has entered the chat*

OrangeYouGlad: "Why do you keep changing your chat icon Mark?"

*TimeoutsAreForUrMom has left the chat*

SpartyCuzIGotta: "It's called brand identity and tradition. Duh."

ADBrandon: "Mark you've got to be kidding me. Maybe you should just take pictures of your athletes when they come out of the slammer instead of that fancy photography tricks. That'll sell."

LarryMo&Me: "Best Day Ever! "

SwedishChef: "haha"

HeartOfGlass: ""

MadnessThisIsBarta: "Hu-laree-yes"

OrangeYouGlad: "LOL BURN!"

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Tangibly humorous and topically anecdotal. I assuredly laughed aloud when I read that attempt at belittlement."

BarryAndTheHendersons: "ROUGH!"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "Yeah well App State."

Jo-ElofKrypton: "The internet is unseemly. I ripped that router right out of the wall and will be writing a letter to the manufacturer of this god forsake "Internet" and demand they refund all of our money and fix this tarnished product. At least with dial-up these things never happened. BTW, what was this meeting about? Did we decide on Nebraska?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

OSuper: "Internet's acting up."

SpartyCuzIGotta: "Hey where's the Rose Bowl at this year?"

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Back to my equation: Using the aforementioned principles and accepted terms of analysis creates a Pythagorically proveable set of data that, when deployed with the groundbreaking Italian "Badduccí Formula," which many still debate utilizes a unique, albeit problematic, (.3ó-2) expectation"

*UrbanDevelopment has entered the chat*

UrbanDevelopment: "Where is Gene Smith? I talked to Les and Gene and apparently he took all three of our trophies."

*OSuper has left the chat*

LarryMo&Me: "Former UM AD Bill Muttin says Hi! "

*SwedishChef has entered the chat*

ADBrandon: "Listen it sounds like I'm screwed whatever we do. Some kid on a message board seemed really pissed off and spent an hour writing up an entry about how aful I am. Nowadays that's everything."

*BarryAndTheHendersons has entered the chat*

SwedishChef: ""

HeartOfGlass: "Hey Hofstra football isn't picking up. They're good, right?"

BarryAndTheHendersons: "!"

*UrbanDevelopment has left the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "Notes that such a rematch not only retains a limited and negligible probability but also, when paired with the ratio set paired along the x-axis of national interest/ratings, provides a polynomially diverse result."

JDandCoke: "In English Jim?"

*OSuper has entered the chat*

IceCreamWithMyPi: "An OSU/UM rematch is unlikely but will make for good tv."

OSuper: "Are they gone?"

ADBrandon: "What did I get myself into?"

SpartyCuzIGotta: "That's what she said."

LarryMo&Me: ""

In light of the recent injury to Woolfolk, I thought people might feel a little more positive if they saw the positive dialogue going on amongst the Secondary in light of the injury

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat, Fake Coach Chat

You have entered UM Secondary Talk Google Wave

TGibsSmotherCover: "Alright guys. With the recent news about TWolf, I think it's important we get as much talk and positivity going about this upcoming season."

HaRRd Edge: "Guys this is where all of that conditioning and strategy will come in handy. Plus it Up and get a dessert and a 2 Liter of Coke for $5.99"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Did someone say something about conditioner?"

CullenYourOffense: "Let me know what I need to do and I'll blow it up."

  T8Gr8: "Can I take this blue helmet off?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "No. Now get back on the field!"

TGibsSmotherCover: "What the hell is Tate doing in here?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Do you want a secondary or not? We're making him start from scratch. All in! Go Blue!"

HaRRd Edge: "What are you talking about Greg? We didn't agree to this. Tate, get back into the offensive set. Our South Main location will happily deliver to your location - Call today!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Fine. Do whatever. I don't even know anymore."

TGibsSmotherCover: "What's wrong Greg?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'm just a bit depressed I guess."

CullenYourOffense: "Chin up coach - we'll find a way to get by without Troy."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "It's not that. I just... I found a grey hair today."

  LetzGetDenard'd: "So I'm playing both sides now?

TGibsSmotherCover: "Who told you that?

  LetzGetDenard'd: "Some guy on Facebook from Arizona messaged me."

  T8Gr8: "Facebook's the shit. Peace out."

*T8Gr8 has left the chat*
 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'm just... this hair is so beautiful. What will it look like when it goes grey?"

FlashGordon: "We got this guys. Just need to take this to the next level. If I can do it, and if Moundros can do it, we can all step up."

*T8Gr8 has entered the chat*

  T8Gr8: "Somebody on Facebook just said I don't have wings on my helmet because I'm being punished. I thought it was because we donated them to a needy family."

HaRRd Edge: "Are you kidding me with this shit? It was in your practice handbook. We've discussed it during practice. What have you been doing that whole time? Map our location today to find out how close you are to tasting Dominos tonight!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

  T8Gr8: "Farmville's some serious shit coach. I gotta be responsible and raise those cows or else what would people say."

*T8Gr8 has been removed from the chat*

*NotUrGardnerVariety has been invited to the chat*

NotUrGardnerVariety:  "Uh why am I here? Coach Robinson invited me. You told me I was redshirting as a quarterback. Nobody said anything about defense..."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Yeah yeah... do you have hair dye?"

NotUrGardnerVariety:  "No?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

HaRRd Edge: "Greg get your shit together. Our jobs are on the line this season. We got to be All In! Hold the Rope! Want to join our team? Fill out an application for driver and in-store service today!"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Pardon me but what in the hell is going on?"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

NotUrGardnerVariety:  "I'm going to go..."

*NotUrGardnerVariety has left the chat*

*TurnerThaCorner would like to enter the chat*

TurnerThaCorner: "What's up guys?"

TGibsSmotherCover: "Oh thank God."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "JT do you have hair dye?"

TurnerThaCorner: "Nope!"

 TortoiseAndTheHair: " "

HaRRd Edge: "JT can you get in shape and dedicate yourself to representing the Winged Helmets proudly? Our Saline location is open M-Th 8 am to 11 pm to meet your pizza needs."

T8Gr8: "They'll give you another helmet even if you don't. Mine's kinda badass. ALLLL BLUEEEEEE"

*T8Gr8 has been removed from the chat*

T8Gr8: "These colors don't run!"

*T8Gr8 has been removed from the chat*

T8Gr8: "I wanna be a COWBOYYYY BAYBAYYYY"

*T8Gr8 has been removed from the chat*

T8Gr8: "Did someone edit my Halo character?"

*T8Gr8 has been removed from the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "OH GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?!"

TGibsSmotherCover: "I didn't sign up for this."

*TGibsSmotherCover has left the chat*

TurnerThaCorner: "Man, this looks bad."

  LetzGetDenard'd: "Coach Rob, I can go run and get you some stuff after practice."

FlashGordon: "Don't worry Denard - I've got him covered. Ha get it?"

TurnerThaCorner: "If you'd like me to return hit Ctrl W"

*FlashGordon has left the chat*

*CullenYourOffense has left the chat*

*TGibsSmotherCover has left the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has entered the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has entered the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

HaRRd Edge: "It won't work! I'm doing it and it won't work! Domino's is a proud sponsor of NASCAR"

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

*JTFlow has entered the chat*

JTFlow: "I got this. Let's do it."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "Why bother? What is there left to play for?"

TurnerThaCorner: "Hey Coach Robinson, did you dye your hair white as a motivational tool? That's the whitest hair I've ever seen."

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

JTFlow: "Alright coach... good luck with all that."

 TortoriseAndTheHair: " "

JTFlow: "I'm gonna go work out. Good to see you Turner. Let me know if you still want that sub club coupon you lent me."

*JTFlow has left the chat*

 TortoiseAndTheHair: "I'm going to go write in my LiveJournal. I can't even think about football at a time like this."

*TortoiseAndTheHair has left the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has entered the chat*

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

HaRRd Edge: "It still won't work! JT Call Me! To call a Domino's specialist to discuss your order, try any of our greater-Ann Arbor locations. Click here for more information."

*HaRRdEdge has left the chat*

TurnerThaCorner: "Mannnnn I kinda feel bad about all this."

*TurnerThaCorner has been removed from the chat*

FreeAgentCone:  "THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE HIGHLANDER!"

Hey everybody. Thanks for your response to my previous confidential convo discovery that I posted last week. I got a random email from an email address I didn't recognize with the following attached.

Previous Discoveries: Fake QB Chat
 

You have entered UM Coach Talk Google Wave

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Hey guys! Awesome job logging in! I haven't seen technological skill like that since the internet was invented!"

HaRRd Edge: "Glad to have everybody here together. Planning a party? Add dessert & a 2 liter Coca-Cola for $5.99"

S&Cassistant: "Mr Barwis says "No Parties."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Are you guys excited about the season? It's going to be better than any year EVER!"

HaRRd Edge: "Love the optimism Fred. Your son looks good out there too. Show us your pizza - we might use it in an ad"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "  This is the best picture of pizza that's ever been taken!"

HaRRd Edge: "Thanks for the pic Fred but it's just that stupid auto-complete thing acting up. Crunchy thin crust is thin enough for the optimum crispy to crunchy ratio."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Ratio is good. All of our running backs have a better run/carry ratio than every Heisman candidate ever."

HaRRd Edge: "No Fred, you don't... nevermind. So what are we thinking for the depth chart this season? Ultimate Deep Dish  Extra thick to support potential topping overload."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Fitzgerald Toussaint is the top of the Ray Guy award watch list because's he's more impressive than a unicorn on a pirate ship."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Hey Coach. Thanks for the whole helmet thing. Really helped us keep the panic level low."

MeAndHobbes: "Offense is looking good Rod. Like a seasoned bag of Skittles with all of those jerseys."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Skittles are the greatest candy ever."

*CloseShafe has entered the chat*

CloseShafe: "Hey guys sorry to bother - password's still the same. Has anyone seen my keys?"

MeAndHobbes: "Rod - who do you think we should have starting at Right Tackle?"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Austin White."

HaRRd Edge: "I think Lewan is showing a lot of promise but it's definitely up in the air. I'm really encouraged by the effort being put in. How's the fitness on Defense G-Rob? Try Coke Zero with your order! Real Coca-Cola® taste with zero calories."

S&Cassistant: "Mr Barwis says "No carbonated beverages."

 TortoriseAndTheHair: "Holy crap, did you know these Macs have a Widget thing that lets you use your screen as a mirror? Sweet Jesus!"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Greg you have better hair than Moses."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Can someone give me some help over here? We need everyone we can because Dear God..."

MeAndHobbes: "Guys can we focus? This is a really important season and our defensive backs are key."

 TortoriseAndTheHair: "Thanks Fred! I really appreciate that. Hold on let me take a picture of it for everyone."

MeAndHobbes: "No, that's fine Greg. We need to seriously focus. I've got the offensive line cracking heads like they were beer cans."

S&Cassistant: Mr Barwis says "No beer."

HaRRd Edge: "Son, can you have Mike sign online? Order online and use one of our coupons for a free Cinnastix appetizer!"

S&Cassistant: "Mr Barwis says "Address me as Mr. Barwis. And the internet is for skinny weaklings who would die 4 minutes into a nuclear winter."

TGibsSmotherCover: "Help?"

 TortoriseAndTheHair: "Thanks Fred! I really appreciate that. Hold on let me take a picture of it for everyone."

CloseShafe: "Keys?"

 TortoriseAndTheHair: " "

HaRRd Edge: "Great hair Greg but what's going on with our linebackers? Our cheesy bread will make your mouth water and your jaw drop at the price!"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Mike Cox is our best option at OLB"

MeAndHobbes: "I bet Tampa is beautiful right now..."

 TortoriseAndTheHair: "Ummm linebackers? I had Fred take that one."

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "Mark Moundros is the greatest Middle Linebacker in NCAA history. Watching him play will be like watching an angel cry tears of molten gold. Those tears will be currency in Ann Arbor for years to come."

S&Cassistant: "Mr Barwis says "I will feast upon all of your bones and curl within your carcasses to remain warm during the holiday season."

HaRRd Edge: "What the HELL Greg?! I thought the Free Press was just making that shit up! What have you been doing all pre-season? For help with your order or for Customer Care, you may click here to send us an email."

 TortoriseAndTheHair: " "

TGibsSmotherCover: "The end is near."

MeAndHobbes: "Are you serious with this shit?!"

 TortoriseAndTheHair: "It's me and my hair on the moon!"

S&Cassistant: "The damn thing gone wild."

MeAndHobbes: "I've got shit to do. Rod, the offense will be ready."

HaRRd Edge: "Thanks Calvin for everything. Did you get around to editing Tate's XBox so he doesn't have wings on there too? Make sure to edit his Halo character too. You got 30 minutes? Order Online Now!"

 YouDontKnowJACKson: "I played Halo with Tate a lot this summer. His character snipes like a member of the A-Team and runs like gazelles if gazelles were shoeless animals on the Serengeti with footballs and dreams that make the best wishes come true."

MeAndHobbes: "I hate all of you."

*MeAndHobbes has left the chat*

*ADBrandon has entered the chat*

S&Cassistant: "Mr Barwis says "I'm worryin' outta my mind. The damn thing gone blind."

ADBrandon: "What the hell is an assistant doing in this meeting?"

*YouDontKnowJACKson has left the chat*

*TortoriseAndTheHair has left the chat*

*TGibsSmotherCover has left the chat*

HaRRd Edge: "Thanks guys for bailing. Mr. Brandon, I'll just come down to your office. Click here if you are interested in Dominos franchising opportunities within the US."

ADBrandon: "Bring your forms and the stick."

*HaRRd Edge has left the chat*

*ADBrandon has left the chat*

CloseShafe: "Ugh."

*CloseShafe has left the chat*

*S&Cassistant has changed its user name*

*S&Cassistant is now FreeAgentCone*

FreeAgentCone:  "Black Betty BAM-A-LAM!"