dramatic cupcake hopkins

11/5/2022 – Michigan 52, Rutgers 17 – 9-0, 6-0 Big Ten

This season is a test of patience. A test of how zen you have become after 2021 exorcised a fair number of demons. Michigan, it must be said, is absolutely blasting opponents. SP+ is the industry standard for forward-facing predictive rankings based on how you're playing, not how much luck you're fielding. It has Michigan third in the nation, a healthy margin clear of Alabama. Very few football teams would be doing what Michigan is doing to their schedule. This is an elite outfit.

And yet. Look at the halftime scores of Michigan's Big Ten games: 17-13. 13-0. 10-10. 16-14. 13-7. 14-17. Look at them! Behold this pile of anxiety. Itch rapturously. Feel the hives forming on your back. It is three AM, you cannot sleep, and the clock says we are losing to Rutgers at halftime.

Are you, a Michigan football fan, capable of waiting one whole half of football before the thing you're looking at with your eyes is reflected on the scoreboard? Have you repented and changed your ways? Can you look in the black pit of negative expectations and say "not today, Satan"?

For some, the answer is yes. For the people in my twitter mentions, the answer is largely no. Our open threads had a bit of a spasm this week, as well:

While "suck" seems to be slowly stabilizing again, as a group of people posting in a thread for a game we were all watching, we certainly were not happy - at all really - with certain details. Indeed, there were 81 instances of "fire" in that thread, with 66 of them being in the portion which covered the first half. Mostly, the ire was directed at Moore and Weiss, but a fair amount was also tossed at Minter, and even one or two people asked for Jim's head

Even your author has to admit that there was a point in the second quarter when Michigan took what felt like forty-five straight penalties where the gray plain of cool reason began to buckle. Maybe, just maybe, our new reasonable spacetime deformed just a hair.

Maybe it felt like the lead picture to any scientific article about gravity. Just for a second. And twenty minutes of halftime.

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For the sixth straight week, Michigan came out of the locker room with a flamethrower and laid waste to the opposition. Michael Barrett turned into the Predator; Gavin Wimsatt ceased registering him as a threat, until it was too late. Donovan Edwards motioned out of the backfield and found a safety lined up over him. Blake Corum did Blake Corum things, etc.

All those halftime scores have given way to blowouts. A Maryland touchdown with 45 seconds left is the only reason Michigan has not won every game this year by at least two scores, and there were a lot of people saying things like "and it wasn't that close" after Michigan beat a top 15 Penn State team 41-17. You can show up against Michigan and maybe they'll fart around for a bit, kicking field goals and suffering the odd outrageously misfortunate touchdown. All the while they will be battering down your run defense five or six yards at a time, and when that gives way you get flat—all the way flat.

It is soothing, in its way. Yeah, whatever, the game is close. Michigan's outrushing them 200 to 4. It is not possible that the game continues to be close. That is not how things work, when you can do the low-variance thing over and over again until a safety explodes into a thousand parts trying to tackle a streaking running back.

This Michigan team is inevitable like gravity.

AWARDS

Known Friends and Trusted Agents Of The Week

[Paul Sherman]

you're the man now, dog

#1(T) Blake Corum and Donovan Edwards. 109 rushing yards each for the two-headed RB monster, with Edwards adding another 52 receiving yards. Corum's YPC was only held down by an illegal formation call and a lot of goal-line pounding. Also he looked absolutely terrible and was clearly playing through some sort of illness. Five points each.

#2 Michael Barrett. Was responsible for the blocked punt and that knocks him off the pedestal, but 2 INTs, one returned for a touchdown, and four tackles on a night where Sainristil led Michigan with five. Really saving Michigan's ass in the wake of the everlasting Nikhai Hill-Green injury.

#3 The Offensive Line. One sack allowed and 5.3 YPC despite losing a long run to that penalty. Blocked up a tricky defense and did some mashing. Issues inside the two not really their deal but a bull-headed insistence on manballing it in, which ultimately did work.

Honorable mention: Will Johnson had an interception and a PBU. Mike Morris added a sack and a half to his not-that-far-off-Ojabo season pace. Kris Jenkins was excellent with his screen recognition and was dominant on the ground. JJ McCarthy probably should have had a much better statline than he did but he didn't get a lot of help from his wide receivers.

KFaTAotW Standings.

(points: #1: 8, #2: 5, #3: 3, HMs one each. Ties result in somewhat arbitrary assignments.)

40: Blake Corum (#2 CSU, #2 Hawaii, HM UConn, #1 Maryland, #2 Iowa. HM Indiana, T2 PSU, #1 MSU, T1 Rutgers)
21: JJ McCarthy (#1 Hawaii, #2 UConn, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, #3 Indiana, HM PSU, HM MSU. HM Rutgers)
17: Mike Morris (T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, #1 Iowa, T1 Indiana, #3 PSU, HM Rutgers)
16: Ronnie Bell (HM CSU, HM Hawaii, #1 UConn, #2 Indiana, HM PSU)
15: The Offensive Line (#3 Iowa, #1 PSU, HM MSU, #3 Rutgers)
14:  Kris Jenkins (#3 UConn, T3 Hawaii, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana, #2 MSU, HM Rutgers)
13: Mazi Smith (#1 CSU, T3 Hawaii, HM Maryland, HM Iowa, HM MSU)
9: Donovan Edwards (HM Hawaii, T2 PSU, T1 Rutgers)
7: Gemon Green (HM UConn, T2 Maryland, HM PSU)
5: DJ Turner (T2 Maryland), Junior Colson (#3 CSU, HM UConn, HM PSU), Luke Schoonmaker (T3 Maryland, HM Iowa, HM Indiana, HM MSU), Michael Barrett (#2 Rutgers).
4: Eyabi Okie (HM CSU, HM Iowa, T1 Indiana),  Jake Moody (HM PSU, #3 MSU).
3: Derrick Moore (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Jaylen Harrell (HM CSU, T1 Indiana), Mason Graham (HM Hawaii, HM Iowa, HM Indiana), Rod Moore (HM CSU, HM Indiana, HM MSU)
2: Roman Wilson (HM CSU, HM Hawaii), Max Bredeson (T3 Maryland), Joel Honigford (T3 Maryland), Mike Sainristil (HM Maryland, HM Indiana)
1: Braiden McGregor (HM CSU), Makari Paige (HM Hawaii), Rayshaun Benny (HM Hawaii), Cornelius Johnson (HM Hawaii), , AJ Henning (HM UConn), Caden Kolesar (HM UConn), RJ Moten (HM Maryland), Will Johnson (HM Rutgers)

Who's Got It Better Than Us(?) Of The Week

Barrett's second interception is returned for a TD and even the vague hint of an upset is dispelled.

Honorable mention: First Barrett INT; Johnson INT. Quinten Johnson hops on the surprise onside kick. Donovan Edwards has a sweet 40-yarder. Ditto Blake Corum. The entire third quarter.

?MARCUS HALL EPIC DOUBLE BIRD OF THE WEEK.

The blocked punt is returned for a TD, completely scrambling all brain until about midway through the third quarter.

Honorable mention: Two more deep shots against the Michigan cornerbacks raise Concerns. Second quarter malaise period with a holding penalty on a KOR and a delay on a punt, and general team-wide WTF. Jake Moody misses two 50-yarders, which somehow qualifies as a surprise.

Rivals threw a picture of Stephen Hopkins on their front page a few days ago that the Big House Blog picked up on. In it, Stephen Hopkins looks alarmed:

What could be so terrifying to a 6'0" 230 moose of a tailback? Only one thing.

I present Dramatic Cupcake Hopkins. LSUfreek remains a genius.

(Meme.)