aurelien the otter of win

Sponsor Note. It's that time of year again! The time of year when, overcome with some nonsense on the final play of a game, you wander into the street after one or several too many and do regrettable things to BoJack Policehorseman that land you in the slammer. And I cannot emphasize enough: if this happens do you DO NOT CALL RICHARD HOEG, LAWYER.

Mr. Hoeg isn't that kind of lawyer. He cannot get you out of a jam. He does not know any bail bondsmen. He can file incorporation papers for you, which is of absolutely no use when you are being held in the county lock-up for shenanigans that, while delightful in the moment, are certainly illegal.

HoegLaw could talk to you about Michigan's prospects in the NCAA tournament after the precipitating events, and that's not nothing, but really if you're going to call HoegLaw it should be because you want someone to look over a contract, or draft one, or help you when an existing contract goes sideways. These are his areas of expertise.

So I must repeat: if you find yourself in jail, remember this number: (734) 263-1001, because under no circumstances should you call it.

TEN YEAAAARS. Ten years ago today on this here site:

MBB: So… you look good.

Tourney: Thank you, you may have, uh—

TEN YEARS, MAN! TEN! Where have you been for ten years?

MBB: I freaked out… hired Brian Ellerbe. Recruited Avery Queen and Kevin Gaines and Maurice Searight. Got put on probation for kids taking money from a Detroit gambling kingpin. Fired Ellerbe and hired a guy who took a Sweet 16 team that returned virtually everyone and added an NBA lottery pick to the NIT: Tommy Amaker. Recruited Anthony Wright and Kendrick Price and Reed Baker. Turned the ball over on every other offensive possession for six years. The one year I was going to be back everyone got injured and the starting point guard got suspended for some sort of domestic violence thing. Walk-ons started at point guard. Then I hired John Beilein. We have basically one guy taller than 6'5", we still have walk-ons at point guard, and we're here.

It is impossible to overstate how much different the basketball is now. It is very different.

If you'd like a less silly take on Michigan's first bid in a decade, The Athletic's Chris Burke may be your speed. You may remember that those rat bastards announced the field such that Michigan was the very last at large team announced:

A little after 6:30 p.m. ET, a good half-hour after the Selection Show began, Gumbel brought CBS back from break and introduced the South Region. The final quarter of the bracket. Realistically, there were five spots — seeds 8 through 12 — where Michigan could land, but at least two of those were reserved for the remaining mid-major conference-tournament champions and their guaranteed bids.

The 8-9 matchup came and went (LSU vs. Butler), as did the 12 seed (Sun Belt champ Western Kentucky). CBS’ graphic shifted down to the bottom half of the bracket to reveal an Oklahoma-Morgan State matchup at 2-15.

Gumbel kept rolling. “The No. 7 seed in the South, the Clemson Tigers, the seventh team out of the ACC. Oliver Purnell has now led three different schools to the NCAA Tournament …”

Call it a premonition, call it desperation, but as Gumbel read through his Clemson blurb, a buzz grew in the Crisler crowd. Maize Ragers jumped up and down, with shouts of “Come on!” and “Let’s go!” as if it were possible to will Michigan into the bracket. Sims started clapping along. Harris and senior forward Jevohn Shepherd leaned back, Shepherd with his hands on his head.

“… And they will face, coming out of Ann Arbor, the seventh Big Ten team, the Michigan Wolverines.”

I was dying for this whole period.

[After THE JUMP: a different world man]

Get your own otter. Aurelien the Otter of Win is an entirely inappropriate mascot for Illinois sports, for obvious reasons. That's not stopping some hopelessly optimistic Illini fans on the internet: