Your MGoAvatar is the new HC for The Game

Submitted by MGoKereton on November 25th, 2013 at 12:49 PM

I'm tired of being sad, so I figured why not have a little fun leading up to The Game.

Your MGoAvatar is now the new head coach at Michigan.  Congratulations!

-How would you prepare/motivate your players?

-Pregame rituals before The Game?

-How would you deal with the media?


Have FUN (seriously, no negative crap) and go crazy.





November 25th, 2013 at 1:56 PM ^

1. Chuckie - let's channel our inner John Gruden. Wood, ugh.. bring the wood?

2. Rituals?  Son - hopefully many son's are born exactly 9 months from the date of this year's game in Ann Arbor as the Michigan Men "celebrate" the outcome.

3. Media - Chase them around with a knife for asking dumb questions?


November 25th, 2013 at 1:59 PM ^

1. Run around the lockerroom frantically chasing a laser pointer to demostrate how to make quick cuts. 2. Curl into furry ball and have a nap. 3. Rub against their legs, knead their collective belly with paws until a proper consistancy is obtained. Lay down in a furry ball of purr on said belly.


November 25th, 2013 at 2:00 PM ^

Pretty sure you can't bring swords onto the field.  I'll check the rules but there's probably some blanket statement in there that would be interpreted to ban that stuff.

Also, even though staring down a 7-5 season kind of sucks, you really don't want the stink of 2-10 floating around.  No, I think we want my avatar as far away as possible, so as not to spread that particular shit-epidemic.


November 25th, 2013 at 2:03 PM ^

Well my Avatar is a pink pony. So of course I will paint our away locker rooms pink. This isn't copying off of Iowa, because we will use Nike trademarked maize-pink and I am pink. So yeah.

2nd line of business. I will motivate the players by showing them alternating clips of what to do vs. what not to do.

1. Bo's the Team, the Team, the Team speech vs. Rich Rod you lift me up
2. Frank Clark destroys vs. Woodley(?) late hit
3. Desmond catching last minute pass vs ND, vs. dropping it vs MSU


Lastly I will say This is Michigan whilst smashing my RB's heads against walls to prepare them for life.

angry byrne

November 25th, 2013 at 2:18 PM ^

Well, I know nothing about football, but I have heard of Bo, so I'll inspire them by singing "Once in a Lifetimes" over and over again but replacing "Same as it ever was" with "THE TEAM!!!"

Then, to get the team's brain grapes juicin', I'll discuss the merits of government buildings and why air is actually a really fantastic thing for all of us.  Then, just before the game starts, I'll do a little dance for them, confuse-a-cat style.

Lastly, after the team loses horribly because, again, I don't know a damn thing about American football, I'll knock out my interview with the media.  Everyone else will be going, WTF?  but I'll think everything's great cos I've been high as a kite since I woke up for glazed donut munchies this morning.


I Bleed Maize N Blue

November 25th, 2013 at 2:08 PM ^

Players better execute, or I will chew their asses, and I have sharp, pointy teeth, and jaws that grip like a vise.

I just devoured Al Borges, and Urban Meyer is next.

I piss on the media to show my dominance.  And I laugh at them from my high mountain perch.


November 25th, 2013 at 2:09 PM ^

I'm alt Candace from Phineas and Ferb movie. I am super tough and lead the resistance. I care nothing for boys, especially for Jeremy.

I would be a relentless drill sargeant. We would do football drills as well as ninja drills. We would be doing the drills stealthily in the sewers and underground passages of the U. 

A week of intense drills and sweet new ninja moves would lead us to success!


November 25th, 2013 at 2:09 PM ^

Dr. Hook would probably take out Braxton Miller with a high stick, then have Clarence "Screaming Bufflo" Swamptown scalp a few guys. 

As for the media, I'd send Olgie Oglethorpe to the podium and see how things shake out. 

UM Reject

November 25th, 2013 at 2:10 PM ^

"For every negative play on offense this Saturday, we will run the outdoor pool!"

One tradition would include awards for biggest splash on cannon ball entries.

We would approach the media and all pressers wearing Speedos (sorry about that visual)

Urban Warfare

November 25th, 2013 at 2:12 PM ^

1. Keep doing what I've been doing for the past 23 games.
2. Thank God I believe in hiring competent offensive coordinators.
3. Remind my team that we still have something to play for, and keep them from looking ahead to Sparty.
4. Remind Fickell to put eight guys in the box on first down.


November 25th, 2013 at 2:29 PM ^

1. Steal their playbooks.

2. Steal their booze.

3. Drink their booze.

Wait what are we doing again?  Whatever, don't care.  Bite my shiny metal ass.


November 25th, 2013 at 2:54 PM ^

Men, my plan is for you to hold your opponents down and, over their horrified screams, cut their still-beating hearts out of their chest cavity, hold them up to the sky, and take a large, bloody bite. Then, you kick their remains down to where the dogs are waiting to devour what's left of them.

And of course, if you don't, I will do the same to you. 

Hank Hill

November 25th, 2013 at 3:01 PM ^

I would try to coax Coach Sauers out of retirement. I would give every player a salt tablet. I would let Coach Sauers kiss everyone of those pansies right on the mouth if they got the win. Then we would drive over to Durndle and rub it right it in their smug faces. Mmmhhhhmmmm.


November 25th, 2013 at 3:55 PM ^

AL 'Tin Cup' Borges: You don't think I can make a 3rd and 3 calling MANBALL?


MGoBoard: Let's just say it's a low-percentage play.


AL 'Tin Cup' BORGES: Well, so am I! I mean, look at me, all right, where have I been coaching? I mean, I'm playing for Ball State, San Diego State Aztecs, Briggs and Brown Sanitation, First State Bank of Salome, Woody's Smokehouse... You think a... you think a guy like me bothers to worry about the percentages?

NOLA Wolverine

November 25th, 2013 at 3:52 PM ^

Cause Ohio State tacklers to cancel each other out and jog it up for six points when I insert myself into the game for 3 plays. I'll probably spend the fourth quarter wondering why I'm on the sideline with the game on the line. 


November 25th, 2013 at 4:26 PM ^

With LSD to Borges to try and get our offense going. Then I would give an emotional talk to the players about penguins to motivate them to victory.


November 25th, 2013 at 4:32 PM ^

"I say Reginald, those men in scarlet jerseys are tremendous in stature!"

1. Single wing all day long obviously

2. Once past the oppoents 40, immediately call a drop kick every time. 


November 25th, 2013 at 5:01 PM ^

For motivation I would promise the players, if they win, a hotel with attractive women, good food, video games and intoxicants (in that order) since this seems to motivate most human males. For a pre-game ritual I would hire a Klingon to lead this as they would not find meditation very exciting (though it centers the mind). The media will receive a 158 page analysis anticipating every possible question so no press conference will be necessary. I do however find this human preoccupation with "winning" to be counterproductive. I will offer a truce that will ensure future NCAA team cooperation so that student athletes can be freed to pursue higher goals.