Wife Day The Hard Way

Submitted by MaizeMN on September 27th, 2013 at 4:15 PM


I’ve only been married for a couple of years, so Wife Day is a relatively new experience for me. The last two years have seen my bachelor pad converted to something less than bacheloresque. Perhaps my wife’s biggest annoyance with our living room was the TV stand in the corner (probably built around the time we were or weren’t landing on the moon) so we finally decided to replace it with an electric fireplace/media unit. We looked around and found one online that we really liked. The downside to the purchase: some assembly required.

To say that I am challenged at assembling large pieces of furniture would be an understatement. The only way I passed wood shop in high school was by notching two grooves in every project and submitting it as an ash tray. My wife is from the Philippines and grew up with staff to handle such tasks. I even went so far as to suggest we hire someone to assemble the unit. She would have none of that. This would be a great “opportunity” for us to spend quality time together during the bye week, right? Right.

A week later two large boxes were delivered to us. Their combined weight: 103 pounds. My wife barely weighs 103 lbs. We opened them, removed the packing and fished out the assembly manual. Three things immediately caused me to panic:

            1. Made in China.

            2. Only tool needed: a screwdriver.

            3. Us.

The prospect of a guy who nearly flunked shop class and a Filipina deciphering directions originally written in Chinese, translated to English, and then executing said directions, seemed slim to none. Slim left the building.

Determined to push on, my wife meticulously inventoried all of the cams, dowels, hinges, screws, wood pieces and even a couple of things that didn’t appear in the manual. I got the screwdriver.

The manual estimated assembly time to be around 2 hours. I figured we could do it in four, maybe. We assembled the first few pieces pretty easily and things seemed to fit pretty well. We started at about 11:00 a.m. and it was 1:00 by the time we got the main body put together. It looked like a large “M” without the top or the base. There were 28 cam and dowel contact points on the top of the unit and 28 on the base. Each contact point had to line up in order for the piece to be installed. Here’s where things got interesting insane.

I don’t usually swear a lot. The exception is on game day when things aren’t going well for Michigan. My wife only swears on game day when things aren’t going well for Michigan. Even then, she’s not very good at it. After 2 hours of trying to fit the top of the unit onto the center console, I was in full game day mode. Hell, even the wife was getting in some quality practice. I got the hammer.

Despite all odds, we finally succeeded in our task. It only took 7 hours. No one was hurt, nothing was broken, I’m still married and we have a lovely fireplace/media center to watch the Wolverines on crisp, fall Saturdays.






Wolverines Dominate

September 27th, 2013 at 4:20 PM ^

OK, enough with these damned "wife day" threads. How about you watch football instead of submitting to the demands of your female?

I have a wife and guess what...I'm going to be watching football all day. Thankfully my woman understands my craze for college football.


September 27th, 2013 at 6:10 PM ^

Last year my wife had to go to SA for a month for my brother in laws funeral and the mourning period. I was in charge of my three boys, twin four year olds and a six year old, during that time. I've never said another word about dinner, housework etc. since.


September 27th, 2013 at 5:05 PM ^

I think that, especially after how the last few days have gone, we should respect that Wife Day is something of an unofficial thing here and we need to be respectful. Just a friendly reminder. Also, I think that the chauvanism is a little over the top and quite unecessary - further such outbursts will be not be dealt with so kindly. 


September 27th, 2013 at 4:24 PM ^

My house is like an archaeological dig.  Everything that was mine from my bachelor days has been demoted to the dark corners of the basement.  To find any evidence that I actually existed, you have to dig down three levels.




September 27th, 2013 at 6:51 PM ^

Yes. The only possessions I brought to my marriage 25 years ago were a Chevy Chevette and a stereo system with some pretty good Cerwin-Vega speakers. The speakers live in the basement and continue to pump out tunes after I rebuilt them a couple years ago.


September 27th, 2013 at 5:28 PM ^

As a wife of one month, I'm confused about these "wife day" threads. Am I supposed to be making my husband do stuff because Michigan's not playing? We're just going backpacking for the weekend. But I guess I'll make him carry the bear canister in honor of wife day or whatever. That thing is heavy.


September 27th, 2013 at 5:54 PM ^

I thought the original Wife Day posts a few years ago were hilarious.

My girlfriend and I live together. She is a Michigan grad and a passionate football fan. Whether in the stadium or at home she yells and screams about the game more than I do. She couldn't even bare to watch half the UConn game because she was so upset. Do not get her started on Borges' play calls vs the RichRod spread*

So this weekend, we still haven't figured out what we are going to do...besides a sushi dinner date on Saturday...we both would rather there was game.

*her opinions are not always mine nor are either of ours the opinions of MGoBlog.


September 27th, 2013 at 7:47 PM ^

My wife is a huge football fan (she had front row student section for the entire 97 MNC season & went to the Rose Bowl)

With UM & NU idle tomorrow, we had no choice by to host an Octoberfest party tomorrow, we needed a reason to drink.

Then her puny lions vs my might BEARS on Sunday. Epic weekend.


September 27th, 2013 at 7:23 PM ^

Like a cat. If mistress wishes to stroke me, I usually allow for that. There must be Michigan-time, though.*
*Seldom bad treatment from my Harvardian and in those rare instances she has leave to redress her transgressions. Hairball! Ack.


September 27th, 2013 at 11:04 PM ^

isn't every day wife day ? good thing she does not read this blog because she would get ideas quickly. if she ever does find this out i will be on the hook for 19 years os stuff


September 28th, 2013 at 8:15 AM ^

Thanks for sharing. you should have hired out. There's lots of "real men" out there that could have used the job. At $50 an hour it would have been worth the $75 it would have cost for assembly.

/joking - don't get your panties in a bunch.

/still joking