Very OT, Very Funny: The Viral Sorority Rant

Submitted by superstringer on April 25th, 2013 at 2:06 PM

If you haven't seen this in all its glorious forms, you are missing some side-splitting laughter.

So there's this sorority chapter president, or something, at UM (not our UM, but the other B1G UM) (well, in 2014).  She wrote a blistering email to her sisters... and, well, you have to read it for yourself.  Its very, very, very NSFW... and incredibly hilarious... and even gives us some new swear terms that I'd never heard before ("c--- punt"???).  And a girl calling other girls "boners" is, well, curious, to me.

So here's the email and its background:

And here is a professional actor reading it alive (be prepared to laugh your butt off):

And here's a Barbie Doll reading it too:

And here's a picture of the email's author, and wow, she's not only got a foul mouth, but she's a babe:

Personally, I actually think the email is very, very effective.  The use of CAPS and swearing and parentheticals is just perfect -- delivers an extremely crisp message.  I think the recipients of the email get the point clearly and perfectly.  And the message Becky delivers is dead-on -- she's right, after all.



April 25th, 2013 at 2:12 PM ^

I usually see the abbreviation as UMD (MD=Maryland) or UMCP (University of Maryland College Park as there are 4 other schools in the UM system).

And this letter is hilarious and more importantly makes my Terp friends very embarrassed.

Mr. Rager

April 25th, 2013 at 4:08 PM ^

I agree with you on this one, Hart20.  She's a 7.5ish looking girl based on that ONE PHOTO.  In real life she could look better or worse, I don't know.  I would definitely brag about putting my thing in her, but she's not the type of girl that makes your jaw drop as she walks by (again, basing off the ONE PHOTO).  

[Edit: after a quick google image search, I get the fact that she loves to wear her hair that way and is probably covering a fivehead, but.. fiveheads turn me on - so I've upgraded her to an 8.5.  Any acne issues caused by the linked photo were diminished by the others in my search.]


April 25th, 2013 at 4:42 PM ^

It looks from this limited photo that she has a great body and an ok, but far from great face.

Is she hot?  Hell yes, because she is a 20 year old college girl with a great 20 year old college girl's body and I am in my mid thirties.  Put her in a bikini and post that pic, and none of you saying that she is just ok would notice her face. 

One exception:  if you go are a guy currently attending an SEC school, you are free to say that she is just ok because by current SEC campus standards, this girl is just slightly above the average girl.  At Ole Miss, she is what you call the ugly friend of the hot girl.


April 25th, 2013 at 5:17 PM ^

sisters to service the fine lads of Sigma Nu.  She is exhorting them to engage in a greek/roman orgy in the finest tradition of western learning.  

Assuming she were bobbing on your knob, riding your pony cowgirl style, or enjoying a little fido lovin'  the beauty of her face seems like a secondary consideration. Are you going to wed this girl?  Perhaps, but only if you live in Tora Bora and use a dial-up internet connection.


April 25th, 2013 at 2:19 PM ^

That is, no doubt, a hilarious email.  However, as someone who was in charge of fraternity functions when I was on college, I probably wrote a letter not too dissimilar from that once a month or so, minus some of the name calling, funny as they were.  

I remember a few times where the guys in our house kep begging to do more events with sororities, and then when I'd plan them they'd either not come or (more likely) show up and only talk to each other and then be pissed when that sorority wouldn't want to hang out with us the next time.  

Yeah, I know I won't get a ton of sympathy around here, but I feel her pain.  


April 25th, 2013 at 2:45 PM ^

To be fair, not really the swearing, and only most of the insults and threats of assault.  

My wife and I were talking about this email the other day, and we came to the conclusion that this girl is probably really funny in real life.  You don't use some of those phrases unless you're trying to be a little tongue in cheek while also being pissed.  She was elected to her position by her sisters, after all, so it stands to reason she's relatively well liked.  I'm not saying she's not a total bitch too, but I bet she's a funny bitch.  


April 25th, 2013 at 2:49 PM ^

But she's going to get some talking to, and it's going to center around that stuff. Also, I definitely agree with your take above; I've seen plenty of emails like this in my inbox or heard this stuff verbally, just not in this ridiculously over the top fashion (which is why I say that's what makes it funny).


April 25th, 2013 at 3:07 PM ^

I also liked how she wrote that entire email, probably while angry, and didn't have a single spelling or grammar error (at least that I caught). Half of this board can't manage that on a two sentence post.