TWIS Ammo for Brian

Submitted by 1464 on October 9th, 2011 at 9:18 AM


Simply put, I've seen videos of nerf balls coming out of women's special spots thrown nicer and more accurately than a Bauserman pass.

I never...ever...ever want to see Joe Bauserman in an Ohio State uniform ever again. Period. Amen. I don't lay this on the defense at all. I lay this on the fact that Joe Bauserman is Tate Forcier minus the talent.

This was posted at halftime... halol!

Well, well, well "Haters" ... How's that for a 1st half ... On the road ... At night?! Bucks up 20-6 over Huskers. 30mins to go! O-H!

In An Open Letter to Luke Fickell and Jim Bollman

In particular, I am referring to the use of Joe Bauserman as quarterback. While his on-field struggles are well-known to anyone that has seen OSU play, one stat in particular stands out: In his career, Bauserman has a 37.5% completion rate against teams from BCS conferences.

 The Buckeye Blog headline

Bauserman Tattoo Fund Open for Donations



Minnesota -

I wonder what it's like to be insane. I mean, do you know that you're insane, or do you think that you're normal and everyone else is insane?

(In response)

The greatest part about this thread is that I have no idea which of three or four posters you are referring to.

I want my kids to continue to love the gophers but I myself have a tough time saying how much fun the games are to go to them but in reality the games are awful, I am disappointed by the end of the game and the drive home stinks because I know I wasted a day watching it.


And for the kids, alcohol in a sippy cup. Never too early.


Northwestern -

Memo to cats fans: Please stop wearing the “ALL WE DO IS WIN” shirts. It’s not helping.


What heisman candidate are you talking about other than Denard? Are you talking about Persa? He is not a Heisman candidate you stupid fuck. You are an idiot. Please go jump in the river and die. You are stupid and don’t belong here.



Florida State -

I've been a fan my entire life. I come from an FSU family. I've spent the past ten years convinced that next year will be our year, and I can't do it anymore.

Oh look -- Wake Forest just broke off another inexplicable 57 yard run against FSU's supposedly great defense.

Always something, right? Always one or two plays away. Or, in this particular game, against so-called inferior Wake Forest, maybe five or six. Or six or seven. Who's counting?

I'm done guys. I'm not sure how I'll be able to enjoy college football outside of FSU, but I'm sure I'll find a way.



Hugh Jass

October 9th, 2011 at 9:36 AM ^

HOWEVER, Glen Mason was getting Minnesota to a bowl game every year and they were very competetive under him and they fire him for Tim Brewster?  They get what they deserve in a way.  I recall fans being unhappy that the Gophers were not going to the next level with Mason......well welcome to the next level!


October 9th, 2011 at 9:48 AM ^

Mason performed so well that Minny forgot their place on the food chain.  I'm not really comparing him to Sparky, but his ouster does remind me of when the Tigers fired Sparky for a couple of teams that were around .500, only to watch them subeseuqently become the worst team in baseball for a few years.

It's the old saw: be careful what you ask for.  Minny's administration is getting exactly what it deserves.  Their fans and players, though, deserve better.   


October 9th, 2011 at 2:45 PM ^

Thank you! The uneducated revisions on Sparky Anderson's legacy by the vast majority of Detroit fans has been nauseating.

Bill James thought he was the worst strategic mind in baseball and once presented a study on how many games Anderson's managing had likely cost the Tigers over the 1980s.

The man had a nucleaus of Morris, Trammel, Whitaker, Gibson and Parrish along with some very other good talent like Petry, Wilcox, Tanana, Lemon, Herndon, Hernandez and Lopez. This was arguably the most consistenly stacked club of the decade and should have produced a lot more than one pennant and two division titles.

Ask the Cincinnati Reds how much they think he had to do with their two world titles in the '70s. They unceremoniously fired him nine seasons after he lucked into the Big Red Machine.



October 9th, 2011 at 10:12 AM ^

You can't type this *and* be dissatisfied with Michigan under the second half of Carr's career. After all, your argument seems to follow that we were winning 9 games a year and didn't have any right to want better.

Minnesota was dissatisfied with its plateau and wanted better for itself. They decided they'd like to make a gamble and risk the destruction of their above-average program for a chance to become great. It'll be a long, long process, but I don't fault them for continuously trying.

In fact, I feel for them because Kill has a solid resume, says all the right things, and seems to me one poorly timed chronic illness presentation away from right the Gopher ship.

Darth Wolverine

October 9th, 2011 at 10:03 AM ^

FINALLY the Ohio fans are starting to feel the way we have for the last three years. Long overdue I think. While I wanted Ohio to win so Nebraska got another loss (since they're in our division), its still fun to watch Ohio lose again while Michigan is undefeated.


October 9th, 2011 at 9:22 AM ^

But how do they turn it around. They have a very little recruiting base and it seems all of the top players that do have, they go ND or somewhere else...


October 9th, 2011 at 9:31 AM ^

does not support football.

It is just like the Lions under GM Matt Millen.

Minnesota must change their University President before they can change their Athletic Director, then their coach.


October 9th, 2011 at 10:02 AM ^

I laughed several times reading favorite was the tatoo comment

What a game! I can't say enough about all the great coaching these guys are getting. Watching our defense strip the ball over and over again in games is so much fun. I would say that the turnovers we create will help us win a couple games we shouldn't on the rest of the schedule.


October 9th, 2011 at 11:08 AM ^

has been mediocre.

Jerry Kill is a good coach. Minny AD made a fatal mistake hiring a career TE position coach (not an HC, not a coordinator) in Tim Brewster.  Recruiting suffered.  Kill will turn them around over time.

Mason did a great job for Minny, but he's too old to coach now.

Gutekunst did a nice job with Holtz's recruits and wishbone methodology.

Other than that you'd have to go back to Cal Stoll's last few teams (Wendell Avery, Marion Barber I) and Murray Warmath for anything decent. Minnesota is an average Big Ten football team.

So while I understand the sadness of Gopher fans right now, things will get better under Kill. First years typically do suck badly.


October 9th, 2011 at 11:18 AM ^

I liked this resigned foreshadowing from the OSU thread:

"I'm sorry, but if we can't corral Taylor Martinez, who can only run and throws like a 7th grader, then we have ZERO chance of containing Denard."


October 9th, 2011 at 11:30 AM ^

I want to know how many hours Brian puts into TWIS.  I would imagine that visiting all these message boards just to find a couple "money quotes" is quite time-consuming; then he has to add his witty remarks, which are so fluid that they seem off-the-cuff, but undoubtedly also take a good amount of time to perfect.


October 9th, 2011 at 12:06 PM ^

... I'm kinda over TWIS.  At first I thought it was funny, but then I started feeling like it was quite petty of me to take joy in other people's suffering.  I'm to the point where all I want is for Michigan to win.  I don't care what happens to other teams, because if Michigan wins all their games, it frankly doesn't matter.

Besides, I can't help but feel that half the comments on those boards are trolls trying to further upset people, and that's such a vindictive thing to do, it could only be perpetrated by people who really have little joy in life.   


October 9th, 2011 at 1:54 PM ^

That second Buckeye fan sounds almost exactly like me after the 08 OSU game when I said I never want to see Nick Sheridan start another game at Michigan again.  But this is long overdue karma for that fanbase. 

Florida State...I loved seeing them lose for the 3rd straight time.  I've always hated the Seminoles.  And I said all September it was insane to rank them #5 in the nation.  They have not beat a legit top 10 team in several years and have been bad to medicore in the crappy ACC conference during that time as well.  I never understood why they were getting so much hype. 

Can't laugh at Minnesota.  Losing to a crappy ass Purdue team has to sting (it stung for us in 08 and 09).  That's a team that should be rewarded with some more happiness, except when they play Michigan.

That second Northwestern fan, VERY harsh.  When you get that angry and start sounding like a Buckeye fan, that's about as low as you can go.