Touchdown Jesus on the Notre Dame coaching search

Submitted by NickUmich on November 30th, 2009 at 10:37 PM

Touchdown Jesus has broken his silence on the Notre Dame coaching search. He has released a new Ten Commandments to guide the Notre Dame Search Committee and the incoming football coach.

Personally, I like them. Here they are:

(1) Michigan is the Lord thy God...thou shalt not raise the hopes of thy fans that thee might have a winning record against the Mighty Wolverines

(2) Thou shalt immediately sign thy coach to a 15-Year contract when he leads thee to the Gator Bowl in Year One

(3) Thou shalt not make unto thee the graven image of a win on senior day

(4) Remember to keep the football sabbath (BCS Bowl week) holy by not playing in any of the games

(5) Honor thy father (Michigan) and thy mother (USC) by ensuring that thee comes into each game as at least a 10 point underdog

(6) Thou shalt not kill thyself after the coming third loss in four years to Navy

(7) Thou shalt not steal tickets to the National Championship Game just so thee can claim that thee made it to the title game

(8) Thou shalt throw the ball when up three with 2 minutes left against thy Lord when thy Lord is running out of timeouts

(9) Thou shalt always bear false witness against the referees whenever thee loses to thy opponent

(10) Thou shalt not covet thy rival's coach, even if thy former coach and token ESPN senior citizen anchor thinks thee has a shot at Pete Carroll

And before you say it, yes I am bored watching the Patriots/Saints right now, even though it is a pretty damn good game. I wasn't quite bored or creative enough to put this list on stone tablets though...that would have been sweeter. Please feel free to suggest edits to these Commandments. As Stephen Colbert would say, I know that Touchdown Jesus is infallible, but that doesn't mean he can't make mistakes.