Talking Trash Tuesday - Best You Ever Saw or Did

Submitted by xtramelanin on June 27th, 2017 at 7:30 AM


Related almost always but not exclusively to sports, is the idea of 'trash talking', sometimes called 'talking smack'.   I can remember guys I played with and against, and even opposing counsel on a couple of occassions talking some serious trash.  We see it on TV, you hear it on the field, and indeed, some of you may have had your moments.  So with a nod to Jeepin' Ben and Talking Cars Tuesday, the Talking Trash Tuesday question is this:

Who/When/Where was the best trash talking you have ever heard, or in your own right, have you ever dished out?




Everyone Murders

June 27th, 2017 at 7:40 AM ^

I think that Dantonio's "Pride goes before the fall" trash talk, in retrospect, is some of my favorite trash talk.  Also "where's the threat?".

My favorites are when a trash talker eventually has to eat his/her own words.  I'm guessing they taste ... salty.


June 27th, 2017 at 2:00 PM ^

He lives!

I fully expected you to one day come back oddly dressed, completely randomly, through a portal you opened in the mop closet with all sorts of new amazing abilities and powers you learned from Eastern mystics throughout your many journeys to find your old mojo back.


Don't let me down...

M Go Cue

June 27th, 2017 at 7:49 AM ^

I was at Talladega several years ago, which has a very pro Dale Earnhardt crowd. As we were walking out there was a guy next to me wearing a Jeff Gordon hat. This redneck walks up to him and says in his deep Alabama accent "hey man, you got some shit on your hat". The guy takes off his hat to look and that hillbilly, and everyone else around him, just started laughing.
That was my first NASCAR experience and it was a blast.

Everyone Murders

June 27th, 2017 at 7:53 AM ^

My grand plan for insurance fraud is to take a car I no longer wanted to a NASCAR event, and park in the general parking area - as remote as possible, while still in the thick of things.  Then apply a Calvin peeing sticker with a number 24 shirt peeing on the number 3.

"Officer, I have no idea why my car got torn apart and burnt.  Must be vandals!" 

Michigan Arrogance

June 27th, 2017 at 7:54 AM ^

back in the mid 90s someone in the NHL was throwing shade at Patrick Roy. So Roy was asked at a PC about it and he said something like (in his thinking Frch. Cdn. accent), "I can't 'ear 'im with these two Stanley Cup rings in my ears."


June 27th, 2017 at 8:08 AM ^

While visiting my mother at their lake house in Oakland county summer of 1997 we noticed Joey had his family and some of the boys out on his pontoon boat with the CUP.  At some point during the day he was visibly upset on the deck of his boat, throwing his arms in the air and taunting.  He was upset that the jet ski traffic was jumping his boat wake which was slowly pulling kids on a tube.  After about 10 mins of screaming and back-in-forth Joey finally dove into the lake and attempted to tackle one of the moving jet ski's and the person driving.  Finally, this argument made it to the beach when the owner of the jet ski father started yacking, having no idea what he was about to get into.  Shit talking started at this point, and no woman or child on beach was safe.  Hamburger hands grabbed a guy, and it took Dmac and Drapes to both pull him off the poor guy.  The best part was we got to take pics and drink out of Lord Stanley's cup while everyone was distracted. 

Toasted Yosties

June 27th, 2017 at 8:16 AM ^

I'm not much of a trash talker, but last fall during football season, I was at BWWs watching one of the games when a buckeye sat a seat or two down from me, fully adorned in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pajamas, what your 6-year-old might wear. Guy had to be in his 40s. When another guy sat next to me and we started talking about the Michigan game playing on TV, the Buckeye half yelled "Michigan sucks!", which I responded "says the grown man wearing kids pajamas in public." The guy didn't say anything else. Stayed in his seat for two or three more minutes, (maybe to save face?) then left. I can't call merely pointing out facts trash talking, but it seemed clear it cut into the guy.

yossarians tree

June 27th, 2017 at 3:59 PM ^

Pretty sure I've shared this story here before, but what the hell. I believe it was John Salley telling the story of the first time he played against Larry Bird who you would not think of as a big trash talker. Well Salley was 7 feet tall and could jump out of the gym and he saw Bird setting up at the 3-point line and figures no problem, he was going to block the shot of the Hick From French Lick. Salley closes on him like lightning, explodes upward, arm toward the roof, the ball flutters just beyond his reach and swishes through the basket. A voice is heard: "Too late."

His Dudeness

June 27th, 2017 at 8:21 AM ^

I was a senior in high school  and dating a sophomore. She was a smoke show. There was this hell-bent sophomore kid that for some reason wanted to fight me because he thought she was hot or something stupid. Anyway, we never fought or anything, but he would always say something if he saw me as I was walking the halls between classes.

Later that year me and the smoke show had broken up and who did I decide to take to senior prom? This idiot kid's sister.

That summer I saw the idiot kid at a gas station in town and let him in on the beautiful fact that I had fucked his sister after prom.

Good times.

M Fanfare

June 27th, 2017 at 8:27 AM ^

The best I ever heard was during the second half of the 2011 Michigan-Nebraska game which we eventually won 45-17. There were a couple of Husker fans sitting right behind me, and to their credit they were still there as the rout was starting to become apparent. For whatever reason, there were a few empty seats here and there in my section, and Michigan fans were occasionally moving from seat to seat working their way to better viewing locations. One of the Nebraska fans loudly said "Man, people sure do get up and move around a lot here." To which an older (probably mid to late 60s) woman decked out in Michigan gear yelled back "If this was a more competitive game we'd all be stayng put!" The whole area erupted in laughter.

A close second was late in the 4th quarter of the wild 2011 Michigan-Notre Dame game. When ND scored to go up with less than a minute left, the ND cheering section at the top of the south end zone began loudly chanting "It sucks/to be/a Michigan Wolverine!" After the epic three-play scoring drive, a great many Michigan fans cheered "It's great/to be/a Michigan Wolverine!" right back at them. 

Mark McBoneski

June 27th, 2017 at 8:29 AM ^

This is probably the best I've ever received.

I was at a flea market in the summer after the 2015 season. I was (naturally) decked out in Michigan gear, when I went to buy candy from a little stand. The guy manning it was wearing a Sparty hat. Before I even ordered, he wordlessly handed me a candy bar. Guess what kind it was.

A Butterfingers.

I tipped my hat and silently walked away while the Sparty laughed.


June 27th, 2017 at 8:31 AM ^

We're playing Mooseheart, which is literally an orphanage.  Our point guard, while bringing the ball up, dribbles between his legs a few times...

MOOSEHEART PG:  "Is that all you got?"

OUR PG:  "Nah, man--I also got parents."

Nobody Likes a…

June 27th, 2017 at 8:40 AM ^

This is one is from my girlfriend who is an Alabama fan but shares in my Sparty shade throwing. She was working in a lab at a university in Canada and one of her lab mates walked in wearing a Sparty shirt (this happened after 38-0). She begins to mock him about why someone who didn’t go there and works at a University in a different country would wear that shirt after the beating they took. His response “My little brother goes there”. She smiled calmly and just repeated “Little Brother” and was repaid with a “fuck you” and Marcus Hall exit


June 27th, 2017 at 8:42 AM ^

A teammate of mine was in inbounding a basketball near mid court in front of the student section at the old Coldwater gymnasium which was small, hot, and crowded. The students were right behind my teammate yelling and screaming at him. My teammate let out the loudest fart I've ever heard. The entirety of the student section fell backwards and went silent. The students were silent, my teammate was deadly. Best trash talk ever without saying a word.


June 27th, 2017 at 9:03 AM ^

I was playing a pick up basketball game at the IM building during my senior year.  It just so happened that the entire Pistons basketball team was there for their annual photo shoot.  (Don't recall why they had it at the IM building that year?)     

Anyway, I made a nice move and hit a jump shot over my defender just as Isiah Thomas walked by.  Isiah looked at the guy trying to defend me and shouted  "Face!"  (which was trash talk back in the 1980's.)  

All though it didn't come from my mouth, that's my personal trash talk moment. 


June 27th, 2017 at 9:11 AM ^

"Your mother is a hampster, and your father smells of old elderberries.... now, go away or I shall taunt you a second time"


June 27th, 2017 at 9:34 AM ^

I was walking in downtown Chicago wearing a pair of Michigan track pants and had earbuds in listening to a podcast. As I'm walking, a lady wearing a tOSU jacket passes and says "Michigan sucks". I took out my ear buds pretending not to have fully heard her and said, "no, I'm sorry, I don't have any change". Not the sickest burn but certainly caught her off guard and had the clear implication that she sucked.


June 27th, 2017 at 10:05 AM ^

One time I made the starting point guard from the other team cry in a District Finals basketball game. He thought he was Allen Iverson, all the sweat bands and cocky swagger, being the best trash talker on the bench, I served him up nice. What else is a guy that never got to play supposed to do? 

Second one is while I was attending UM's basketball summer camp, hands down, always my favorite part of summer. I took a 3 pointer from the parking lot during one of our games and buried it, Steve Fisher was walking across the court directly behind me when I shot it. He says, "if you miss that shot playing for me, you would be on the bench", to which I said, "good thing I don't miss". He laughed, gave me a high five and kept it moving. 


June 27th, 2017 at 10:08 AM ^

I have an obnoxious Ohio State coworker who loves to razz me about their success against us over the past decade.. one day I had enough of his shit so I nonchalantly replied to one of his jokes: "you know what Ohio State and I have in common? We both scored the same number of points against Clemson in the playoffs." He turned almost as red as their jerseys..


June 27th, 2017 at 10:48 AM ^

Not sports or M related. I was home in May for a while after my sophomore year, and my sister was still a sophomore in high school. Underclassmen weren't allowed to go to the prom unless they were invited, and no one asked my sister. But my sister did have a friend/rival who was going with her senior boyfriend. Now, you might think this was a sweet story because my sister's friend was a childhood cancer survivor, still walked with a crutch because one leg was slightly shorter than the other, yet managed to be a great student, etc. BUT the friend was absolutely brutalizing my sister over it. Teasing her about not being asked by anyone, mean girl stuff. The friend constantly turned every topic of conversation to what she would wear, how her makeup would be, if her boyfriend would match her "amethyst enhancer," which our family still laughs about to this day. Anyway, one day, my dad gave my sister the best advice that ended the whole thing: "Ask her how she's going to decorate her crutch."