Self-Imposed Penalties Michigan Should Consider

Submitted by BornInAA on February 25th, 2010 at 3:16 PM

1. Hire a savant, as the compliance officer, that has memorized the NCAA rulebook and uncontrollably freaks when any section is closed to being breached: “OH-OH! Section 2.4.32 of Bylaw 11 CLEARLY STATES that … NO NO NO NO WAPNER! WAPNER!” (hitting head repeatedly)
2. Reduce the square footage of press conference room so only half of the reporters are allowed: “Sorry Mr. Rosenberg, the fire marshal has limited this room to 12 people. Better luck next time.”
3. Reduce game attendance and end the stadium sell out record by eliminating visiting school section and filling the seats with Bo Schembechler and Lloyd Carr cardboard figures.
4. Eliminate cushy toilet paper in stadium stalls and replace with the Detroit Free Press.
5. Instead of extra practice time that gave Michigan the competitive advantage, replace some practice workouts with random ski mask attacks on the student body.
6. Spot all opponents one touchdown by allowing one tight end pass in the flat to go 80 yards untouched. (Ooops! sorry-we already do that)
7. Force Coach Rich Rodriguez into gab-addiction rehab, where he will learn the Carr stone-faced silent treatment and the Bo scowl.
8. Force the quality control staff and graduate assistant staff to attend the remaining basketball team games.



February 25th, 2010 at 3:31 PM ^

4 is my personal favorite. Well done, sir. 7 is also nice. I can't even watch Todd Harris announce the olympics without thinking of a certain Saturday in Eugene.


February 25th, 2010 at 4:26 PM ^

Blindly follow archaic rules. Without asking questions. No room for error. Or even trying to work within apparent concessions in the rules. Suggest modifications to the rules? No way.

Apologies for the sarcasm, but just saying, 'Follow the rules," is no help to anyone. Without reading the entire report put out by either the U or the NCAA, you have no idea to what extent the rules were even broken. Nor the intent with which they were broken.

Feel free to state your opinion supported by fact.


February 25th, 2010 at 3:52 PM ^

we should hire an Olympic judge to carry a clipboard and give scores on how bad we rape the competition next year...
Haven't we been punished enough? It's basketball season, and lets not start about hockey...


February 25th, 2010 at 4:22 PM ^

I was going to ask if we had such an position (item #1). I would have thought with the revenue generated from football, donations etc. the program, or any top program, would want to protect their assets. Understanding the NCAA rule book has much to be desired, why would we leave the program open to potential violations. Especially since the rules are "grey" in many areas. If this position didn't understand, he/she would ask for a clear quality standard that we could measure the program against. Bad assumption on my part, I thought we had this covered.


February 25th, 2010 at 4:28 PM ^

Someone suggested this in a previous post and it seemed like a good idea.

Michigan wipes its 2008 and 2009 seasons from the record books. Moving forward, they never happened as far as Michigan is concerned.