Satirical Article - Jim Harbaugh to skip Orange Bowl so he can prepare for his next NFL head coaching job

Submitted by M Gulo Gulo on

With all the recent news of players sitting out bowl games I saw this saterical article and it gave me a good chuckel.

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M Gulo Gulo

December 21st, 2016 at 8:02 AM ^

"Jim Harbaugh to skip Orange Bowl so he can prepare for his next NFL head coaching job"

ANN ARBOR, MI — Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh said he will sit out of the Orange Bowl against Florida State on December 30th so he can prepare for his next NFL job. Harbaugh said it was a tough decision, but he felt he had to put his career first.

“It’s just not worth the risk,” he said. “I don’t want to use any new plays or looks in some meaningless bowl game that I could use for the Rams or Jaguars next year in an important NFL game. It makes no sense to spend three weeks preparing for Florida State when I should be getting ready for the Patriots and Seahawks and Steelers. That would be irresponsible. And what if I got hurt? Remember when Joe Paterno almost got snapped in half by a kid running off the field? If I’m in the hospital, I can’t coach in the NFL.”

Harbaugh was asked if he was worried a poor performance in the Orange Bowl, on the heels of losing to Ohio State, could hurt his NFL stock.

“Sure, that’s something you have to keep in mind,” he said. “I’m looking at a huge contract coming my way, and every loss can knock a hundred grand or so off that. That’s real money, no matter how much you save on pants.”

The coach said he will watch the game, if he isn’t being interviewed by an NFL team at the time, and appreciates the support of his coaching staff.

“I consider them to be friends and not enemies,” he stressed. “There is not a jive turkey on the entire staff.”

Harbaugh did say that he is not necessarily leaving Michigan for the NFL this year.

“I could return if I don’t like the options,” he said. “You have to think that in a year from now, I might be able to land somewhere better than the Jaguars or Rams or Bills, but I’ll make that decision when the time comes.”

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Mgonorth

December 21st, 2016 at 8:18 AM ^

My cousin, a SERIOUS osu fan, just sent me that article and he's trumpeting the fact that Harbaugh is leaving for the NFL........... dumbass thinks it's real. Does not surprise me in the least

Joined: 04/03/2016

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Lee Everett

December 21st, 2016 at 1:55 PM ^

Add it to the list.

Coaches can recruit a kid to their school and take a job the next day.  Kids can't easily back out of a LOI, if at all.

Coaches can look for another job without consequence.  Kids are given restrictions of which schools they can and cannot transfer to.

A coach can have his agent flirt with the NFL, with other teams, and change his mind.  A kid can't have an agent at all and once he signs one, he's out.

Coaches can sign endorsement deals and make earnings above and beyond what is granted as a school employee.  Kids cannot profit from their image at all as "student-athletes".

Coaches can look for and accept a job during bowl season.  If a kid looks out for his own best interests, his heart and loyalty is questioned.

It's not a two-way street.

Joined: 07/07/2016

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LSAClassOf2000

December 21st, 2016 at 9:01 AM ^

You know, I say this to myself a lot, especially on days where I assume not a lot of meaningful content will find its way to the board in terms of big news or whatnot, and yet it rarely seems to work. Once in a while, it does though, and as my luck would have it, those are usually the days where all sorts of shit is going on. 

Joined: 01/07/2011

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mGrowOld

December 21st, 2016 at 9:29 AM ^

At least it's not a thread where the OP proudly lays out his master plan to horribly humiliate his daughter, his daughter's teacher and an entire classroom of 3rd graders in a misplaced effort to troll Mark Dantonio.  So there's that.

The bar is low.

Real low.

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Winchester Wolverine

December 21st, 2016 at 11:42 AM ^

Like, I understand the point but this isn't funny. Actually, I don't really get the point. "All of the FBS skips bowl games to prepare for spring break parties" would have been a tad more funny. Actually, probably not. I dunno, man.

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Miami Maize

December 21st, 2016 at 12:04 PM ^

Fergodsakes, it's the holidays and we all need a laugh.  Anyone taking this as "fake news" and getting upset needs to take a pill.  Isn't there enough stress and agonizing over every 17 year old recruit's tweets and tea leaves already on this blog? 

I laughed hysterically at this article and I would bet JMFH will when he sees it.  Exactly because it is the antithesis of everything he stands for.  He is OUR coach, and keep in mind where we all were exactly 2 years ago, agonizing over whether he was even an option to coach our team. 

He is here, keep appreciating it.  Virtually any team not in Tuscaloosa or Cbus-hellhole would kill to have him coach their team.

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