Regents Meeting Preview (comedy)

Preview:  Board of Regents Meeting

Cheap Thrills

Worry if...

• Each regent has two bottles of Coke products and a Chobani yogurt in front of them.
• When the anti-DB speakers start talking, Schlissel covers his ears and starts repeating "NAH, NAH, NAH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU"
• DB shows up with a shit-eating smile and say, "what did you expect, this is Michigan, fergodsake"

Cackle with knowing glee if..

• You hear the words, Harbaugh, Bates, Manual, Miles or Morris.
• MGoBlog crashes
• Schlissel again references a "reset" to the department

Fear/Paranoia Level: 5 (Baseline 5; -1 for come on man, this guy HAS to get canned, just to save face, +1 Ross donates a lot of money, +1 and so do his friends, -1 for we have been a national punchline not because of our football team (which does suck), but because of our AD (!!), so Schlissel has to do something, right? RIGHT?, -1 for Schlissel has already pretty much failed to defend DB, which speaks to a firing; +1 for Schlissel is still new to this whole big time sports thing)

Desperate need to win level: 10 (Baseline 5; +1 Harbaugh, +1 the other Harbaugh, +1 for I would even take Miles, +1 for none of these guys are coming if DB is in charge, +1 for we need this to happen soon if we are going to salvage this coming recruiting class)

Loss will cause me to... stare at Bo bobblehead on my desk, while hugging my 1997 National Championship sweatshirt while trying to hold back tears of unfathomable sadness over what has become of out once great football program.

Win will cause me to... start scouring the internet on everything Bates or Manual related while eagerly anticipating the arrival of our Harbaugh / Miles / Mullen savior.

The strictures and conventions of sportswriting compel me to predict:

This is Michigan, so nothing will happen.

Finally, three opportunities for me to look stupid Sunday:

• Schlissel talks about how seriously he is taking this injury and promising to make changes where needed.
• At least one of the regents looks like they are falling asleep.
• Jim Harbaugh bursts into the room with Dave Brandon's head on a stick, declares himself the AD and Coach of the Football team (No Ira J. Harris crap), asks Schlissel what his deal is, guarantees victory against OSU and storms out pissed off for no apparent reason.