OT - Wacky Coworker Stories Thread

Submitted by uferfan on April 20th, 2017 at 2:11 PM

Greetings All,

I'm not a thread creator by trade, but I figured I'd try my hand at it during the most dangerous time of the year....off season.

I had a coworker who I  worked with for a few years that was incredibly annoying. For over a year, he walked around the office with a soccer yellow card and red card in his pocket, and if he felt you had done something that he deemed out of line, he would walk up to you and flash one of the cards in front of you. He even created a leaderboard at his desk.  It was kind of amusing when it started, but it's got old fast. It went on for about 18 months.

He would make up songs using people's names in the office almost daily. He'd also sprinkle the pepper shaker on his tongue at lunch at eat it straight. Then one day, he just didn't show up for work again. No one knows why to this day.

I figured that I couldn't be the only one with that one person in the office who was a little strange, possibly insane, or that may even be making you go insane; so please feel free to share your wacky coworker story here. Apologies in advance if I have wasted your time. That's one thing I am very good at.



April 20th, 2017 at 2:15 PM ^

I have a coworker who spends all of his time printing out statistics for all of Michigan's historical sports teams and putting them in a binder - even for the nonrevenue sports.  It's really weird.

Kapitan Howard

April 20th, 2017 at 2:21 PM ^

Not exactly wacky, but I have a coworker who constantly burps and farts. At first I thought he might be sick, as I am no stranger to GI issues, but it kept going. He's also putting a huge amount of force behind these farts, so it's not like they're just slipping out. Nobody seems to acknowledge them either. I'm relatively new and I presume this guy has been around for a long time. Nobody has called him on his shit.


April 20th, 2017 at 4:11 PM ^

You can either suffer quietly or make a big deal of it. Try the OP workers technique. Every time he expels, rate them (1-10). Keep a daily/weekly total of burbs and farts. When he lets our an 8 or better shout it out, like "Wow great volume on that one, first 9 of the week!"

Broadcast the weekly totals to others in the immediate cube area on every Friday.

I would drive this to ground, he will either quit or be extremely proud of his efforts.


April 20th, 2017 at 2:25 PM ^

We had this lady at work who I found annoying because (and I will try not to get political, but its sort of part of the ending of the story so I have to give it as context) she had very strong political opinions and constantly railed about certain minority groups stealing all the jobs and being criminals. And not just the ethnic group you might imagine from that lead in and the current political climate but also "the ones who run all the banks and control the media." One time she submitted to the company newsletter (and was rejected) what basically was an op-ed piece about how she was the victim of identity theft and was certain that it was illegal immigrants who did it. Needless to say, we did not publish it but it was an amusing read. We all gave this lady a wide berth.

Well, one day about three weeks ago, I come in and someone says she's gone. I was like "what? She quit? OK." No. Turns out her husband texted her supervisor over the weekend saying she would not be coming back to work because of a "family emergency." The prevailing idea around the office is she had some health emergency or possibly died (she was a moderately obese woman in her early 50s).

After two days of no explanation and this rumor/concern continuing to spread it just didn't make sense. If there was a family emergency (like he kid was sick) she would just call and say so herself, her husband wouldn't do it. Or if she was in the hospital, that would've been articulated (especially since we're a health care company and have many times given free in-home care to employees). Certainly they would want that. So I think about this for a few hours on a lazy morning and the only thing that makes sense is she must be incapacitated in some way. What my brain jumps to is: what if her husband is abusive and she's got bruises and he's making her quit so no one gets suspicious. I don't know why I came up with that hypothesis but I did.

So I start Googling and searching her and her hubby on facebook and find nothing particularly interesting. Then I remember my state has court records online: I can search and see if her husband has a criminal record. So I go to the site, pick our county, and put in her last name and his first initial (which it required). Incidentally, she has the same first initial. I get no results for the husband but a list for the wife.

Turns out about a month after she started with us (and passed a CBC), she was arrested on a Sautrday for embezzlement from her prior employer. All of her sick days over the last year coincided with court dates and she was sentenced the Friday before this story started to 14 months in jail. So I get HR involved because hey, she might have been doing that here too. Doesn't look like she did but once someone called the prosecutor and asked for details, she had apparently stolen around $40k from her past employer which just so happened to be a charity that just so happened to support the healthcare needs of Jewish individuals in our community. Needless to say, we have all been a bit stunned by this revelation.


April 20th, 2017 at 2:29 PM ^

Oh, also, about a week after this came to light, her husband called back in, asked to speak to HR, and said she was "in rehab" and was wondering if she could use the several weeks of sick leave before we terminate her "to keep some money coming in to help pay for the facility." Supposedly he was politely told no, then threatened to sue under the Americans with Disabilities Act, at which point he was told "convictions are a matter of public record, we know exactly where _____ is" and we've never heard from him again.

Lou MacAdoo

April 20th, 2017 at 2:38 PM ^

This sounds a little like my middle aged former coworker who railed against a certain political party and people that abuse the system. She then filed a workers comp case for falling in the bathroom, filed for disability, and then for FMLA to care for her ailing mother. All over the summer right before the election. She's since defriended all her ex coworkers for not agreeing with her political views and is now retired and collecting social security.


April 21st, 2017 at 2:55 AM ^

Related (not a personal story but close enough): My mom works for the Association of American Medical Colleges. A few years ago it came to light that a woman who worked in the accounting department -- nice lady, well-liked in the office, owned a bridal store on the side and gave free gowns to women in the military -- had stolen FIVE MILLION DOLLARS from the organization over the course of the previous eight years. She had used some of the money to pay for her church's roof to be covered in gold. 

She was caught and is now in prison, but the kicker is that her church is right around the corner from  AAMC: my mom can literally see the gold roof from her desk. Nice little reminder every day that none of us really has any idea what the hell anyone around us is thinking or doing.

late night BTB

April 21st, 2017 at 10:31 AM ^

I'm young, but I've heard enough stories of charities having money embezzled, or only a small part of donations actually going to the cause, that I've stopped giving money to all of them.  It's true, power corrupts and people can't handle access to money.

Yes, I know, there's one that you know about that isn't like that, and not like the rest.  You're a special snowflake.

I'll donate time, clothes, stuff like that, but suckers donating money are born evey day apparently.

Lou MacAdoo

April 20th, 2017 at 2:25 PM ^

I'm going to assume that this coworker of yours was single and living alone. Perhaps he had a stroke, heart attack, aneurysm, drug overdose, or a slip and fall. Maybe someone should check on him or call the police.

Eastside Maize

April 20th, 2017 at 2:26 PM ^

I had a co worker who was the AFLAC master. Anytime someone, or their kids, went to the doctor she could quote how much AFLAC would pay. She would go to the doctor and get unnecessary tests, just get more money from AFLAC. Out of the blue she would just pop up with a sling on her arm...we all knew what it was.


April 20th, 2017 at 2:27 PM ^

I work with this guy who comes in before me and leaves after me everyday. Doesn't take an hour long lunch and doesn't spend 4 hours on his phone. so strange.

rob f

April 21st, 2017 at 10:48 AM ^

such as for the rivalry games, but you even take Fridays off before MAC games and other relative 'pushover' games, WD?

I take a few football-weekend Fridays off myself each season, but that's usually dictated by tailgating plans as much as anything else. Whereas you apparently don't partake at all in tailgating, that's a huge part of Michigan Football Saturdays for me and my group with our combined 10 season tickets. I usually take Friday off for the home opener and also weekends when we're meeting at sunrise in Ann Arbor on Saturday, and on those occasions when I'm doing a mid-range road trip like Minny, Iowa, IU, etc. But before short road trips like Northwestern or Purdue and most home games, Friday is a work day, despite the 140-mile trek to Ann Arbor the next morning.