OT Sunset - Improv Humor Night

Submitted by xtramelanin on August 25th, 2016 at 9:09 PM

Mates,

As the sun sets on another OT season and we gleefully welcome college football back, I must admit that one thing I will miss is the humor and snark that accompany many of the OP's during the OT season.   What's more, some of the worst OP's (maybe even including this one) produce some of the best humor.   So with a nod to the mods doing their jobs, how about an Improv/jokes/humor send off to the OT season.  

Your mission, should you choose to accept it is any or all of:

1.  A worthwhile joke

2.  A true improv, like finishing a starting thought or line:  'A guy walks into a bar in Columbus with a parrot, a pig, and two quarters.  He calls the bartender over and says....'

3.  Favorite worst OP of the OT season - counter-tops, humble-brags, whatever.

Looking forward to a great football season.  

Go Blue,

XM

Comments

GVSblue

August 25th, 2016 at 9:15 PM ^

A guy walks into a bar in Columbus with a parrot, a pig, and two quarters. He calls the bartender over and says, "Who's cooler do I have to poop in to get a beer around here?"

MMB 82

August 25th, 2016 at 9:20 PM ^

and a rabbit are taking a shit into a cooler. The Buckeye asks the rabbit, "does the shit stick to your fur while you're taking a crap?" The rabbit replies "no!"

So he wiped his ass with the rabbit....

bacon

August 25th, 2016 at 9:23 PM ^

Tim Beckman had to step down from a volunteer assistant coaching job at UNC. Said the UNC chancellor, "I continue to put a great deal of trust in Director of Athletics Bubba Cunningham and Coach Fedora to educate and develop our student-athletes and to ensure we meet the high standards we all expect at Carolina."

Two things made me chuckle. First is that Tim Beckman can't even keep a gig as a volunteer coach (which is awesome) and second is that the chancellor trusts the AD and coach to uphold their "high-standards". Seems like trusting the AD and coach with upholding academic standards was what led to their recent issues with academic fraud.

M Go Dead

August 25th, 2016 at 9:24 PM ^

A guy walks into a bar in Columbus with a parrot, a pig, and two quarters.  He calls the bartender over and says nothing until we beat MSU and OSU.

skurnie

August 25th, 2016 at 9:28 PM ^

Favorite Series:

1. Talking Cars: a lot of knowledge sharing and expertise on the auto industry on the board and I found every one of them interesting. Some hilarious and cheek-clenching stories as well. Also (mostly mine) VW TDI rage.

2. The brief but very interesting homebrew series, which I thought was cool because it's always neat to see other setups and share recipes.

bacon

August 25th, 2016 at 9:33 PM ^

A guy walks into a bar in Columbus with a parrot, a pig, and two quarters.  He calls the bartender over and says "hey buddy, got a quarter?  I need to put in 3 to make the bed vibrate.  The bird likes to watch."

 

mi93

August 25th, 2016 at 9:47 PM ^

1. My favorite joke to tell Sparty and Brutus is a knock-knock. Which begins, "you start."

2. "50 cents says I just quadrupled the IQ in this bar."

Sent from MGoBlog HD for iPhone & iPad

rainingmaize

August 25th, 2016 at 9:48 PM ^

Charles is a huge Michigan fan. Whenever he drives down the road and sees someone walking on the sidewalk wearing an Ohio State hoodie, he loves to rapidly accelerate towards the Buckeye, only to turn away at the last second, all of this just to scare the shit out of Buckeye fans.

One day Charles is driving and sees the priest frim his church walking alongside the road. When he is not harrassing Buckeye fans, Charles is a good guy. So he offers the priest a ride and the father graciously accepts.

Soon after he picks up the priest, he sees a guy walking down the street decked head to toe in Ohio State gear. Even with the priest in the car, he can't ignore this opportunity. So he slams his foot on the pedal and turns toward the Bucknut. This time however, right as he attempts to steer away at the last second,he hears a very loud "thump"

Charles immediatly comes to the conclusion that he must have mistimed his turn and hit the poor Buckeye fan. Distraught, he turns to the priest and says in near tears, "Father, I am SO so sorry."

The priest turns to Charles and says

"That's ok, I got him with the door."

olm_go_blue

August 25th, 2016 at 10:26 PM ^

The opening day of hunting is approaching, and a buckeye says to his wife:

"you either have to go hunting with me, give me a bj, or give me anal". she says, "yea yea, we'll see".

one week to go, and again he says, "you either have to go hunting with me, give me a bj, or give me anal". she says "I hate hunting, but let's play it by ear."

hunting day arrives. she says "ok, ok, I'll give you a bj". he pulls down his pants and she says, "ew, your dick smells like shit"

buckeye says "the dog didn't want to go hunting either"

mdoc

August 25th, 2016 at 11:09 PM ^

A guy walks into a bar in Columbus with a parrot, a pig, and 2 quarters. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'll bet you, or anyone else in this bar, $100 that I can put my balls in this pig's mouth and then remove them unscathed." The bartender replies, "Hell, I'll take that bet." The man drops the 2 quarters in a glass and sets the pig on the bar. He then carefully places his balls in the pig's mouth and rattles the quarters in the glass. The pig closes its mouth, and after a few moments the man hits the pig over the head with the parrot, the pig opens its mouth, and the man removes his balls, unscathed. "Well I'll be damned," says the bartender as he slides a hundred dollar bill across the bar. The man turns to face the other patrons and says, "Anyone else care to give it a shot?" A minute of silence passes before a young OSU fan stands up. "I reckon I'll try," she says, "you just have to promise not to hit me on the head with the parrot."

UMgradMSUdad

August 26th, 2016 at 12:13 AM ^

An OSU fan walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.  The bartender asks, "hey, where did you get that pig?" The OSU fan says, "That's not a pig; it's a parrot," to which the bartender replies, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the parrot."

M and M Boys

August 26th, 2016 at 7:26 AM ^

MGuy says, "Gettin' in shape for Football Season.."

Wife says, "Next Time You'll Have A Smokin' Hot Body Is When I Cremate You!....

.OR...... WE CELEBRATE WHEN MICHIGAN BEATS MSU AND OSU!!...."

MGuy goes faster.....