OT: Jim Harbaugh's Guide To Marital Bliss

Submitted by lastofthedogmen on February 5th, 2016 at 1:18 PM
From his segment on the Dan Le Batard show (does that mean what I think it does?):
“I’ve reached the point where I do everything my wife tells me to do, I do it exactly how she tells me to do it, and I do it that way, over and over and over again, I try not to screw it up,” he said. “I’ve found that brings happiness and have enjoyed quite a bit of success with that formula. I will continue down that path.”
I wish I'd learned that 33 years ago.

Comments

aflapan

February 5th, 2016 at 1:24 PM ^

like a living hell. Why would I get married if every man talks about their wives as if they've had their balls cut off and are too scared to do things the way they want? 

Is this honestly true?

DonAZ

February 5th, 2016 at 1:32 PM ^

It doesn't have to drain the soul of the man.

I do a lot of things for my wife (of 24 years), and I find I enjoy doing things for her.

She's a good woman and if she needs something or wants something I try my very best to provide it for her.  That does not drain my soul.

The foundational premise here is the two are compatible and have mutual regard for what is right and good for the other.  If that is not present, then yeah ... just slogging through obligatory duties would be draining.

There's an aspect to Harbaugh's advice that really should be abided by -- do not sweat the small stuff ... or, stated another way, pick your battles.  Resisting and arguing about little things is a recipe for unhappiness. 

Tex_Ind_Blue

February 5th, 2016 at 1:40 PM ^

The foundational premise here is the two are compatible and have mutual regard for what is right and good for the other.  If that is not present, then yeah ... just slogging through obligatory duties would be draining.

 

Jokes apart, that's the crux of a marriage or any relationship for that matter. My comment was made in jest. And no I am not an old white dude.

 

btw, where are you in AZ? We have been to Phoenix, Flagstaff and Grand Canyon in the past. Last December did the Boneyard tour in Tuscon, went to Grand Canyon-Sedona-Flagstaff (again) and drove through Verde valley via Tonto Natural Bridge State Park. Beautiful place. Still a lot to see there.

The Mad Hatter

February 5th, 2016 at 1:42 PM ^

from a guy that appears to have chosen well in the wife department.

When my wife and I were planning our wedding the church made us take classes and meet with some sort of advisor.  The advisor had us take a compatibility test, which we then talked about for a while after she looked at our results.  The test appeared to have been designed to identify any potential conflict areas that could arise during the course of the marriage.

I thought it was a little silly at the time, but looking back, that test was spot on.  Every couple should do it before they get married.

/if you're curious, they said we were almost perfectly compatible.  Also that my mother in law would cause problems in my marriage.  Both turned out to be true.

ABOUBENADHEM

February 5th, 2016 at 3:23 PM ^

ago (after 25+ years of marriage) was to take the Myers-Briggs personality test.  We have way different personalities, each of us being on the "rare" side of things (meaning there are not that many people with either of our personality types).  Lucky for us, the types that we are are highly compatible with the needs of the other.  Studying the M-B charts and info after taking the test, I came to appreciate more why we have been able to stay together.  :)

GoBlueinMN

February 5th, 2016 at 1:34 PM ^

Being in a happy marriage, to me, is not about having your balls cut off and being too scared to do anything, it's about loving someone else so much that doing things that make them happy makes you happy. Marriage is a cooperative relationship, not an adversarial one. At least that's what my wife tells me...

charblue.

February 5th, 2016 at 1:37 PM ^

in every way you can imagine, and especially in the bedroom. And when you make that a priority, you will have no problem with the rest of your marital life. You need to respect her, enjoy her company, be an enjoyable companion and partner. And you will experience the kind of passion and love that few men discover because they choose to look for answers outside the person who wanted you, believed in you, and for better or worse chose to accept life together with you under any circumstances.

 

michgoblue

February 5th, 2016 at 1:37 PM ^

It is a common joke. but in truth, if you meet the right person, it is 100% not true.  Every relationship - even the best marriages - entails compromise.  It's just a matter of where people choose to compromise.  In a good marriage, both sides should compromise so that both sides get their way on the issues that matter more for them.  

For example, when we were renovating our house, I basically went with all of my wife's decorating choices because she cared way more than I did.  Obviously, if she chose something that I didn't like, I said so and we chose something else, but if the choice was between two items that I was ok with, she chose.  However, when planning weekends in the fall, however, my wife never schedules things that conflict with my obsession with watching Michigan games.  

So, no, if done right, marriage is the opposite of a living hell.  

notetoself

February 5th, 2016 at 2:10 PM ^

If you go into it believing "making your wife happy" = "having your balls removed" then you're in trouble. I'd argue being selfless and putting your wife's needs first makes you more of a man. I only mention it because sometimes there's a man... I won't say a hero, 'cause, what's a hero? But sometimes, there's a man. And I'm talkin' about the Dude here. Sometimes, there's a man, well, he's the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. And even if he's a lazy man - and the Dude was most certainly that. Quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County, which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide. But sometimes there's a man, sometimes, there's a man. Aw. I lost my train of thought here. But... aw, hell. I've done introduced him enough.

SC Wolverine

February 5th, 2016 at 1:53 PM ^

It is good advice only if your wife has good judgment and only "tells you what to do" infrequently and after she has thought carefully about it.  In that case, if you married well, it's probably a good idea to pay attention to her.  In general, I tell myself, this is a woman who married me, birthed my children, and gave up her career to raise our children and  devote herself full time to their and my well-being.  Her back-breaking routine of keeping our family afloat (we have five children, and she home-schools them to their prodigious achievements) while I provide for the family and fulfill my career calling deserves a lot of respect from me. She slogs the girls around to cheer for the boys' high school football, basketball, and basebell games, not to mention the girls' athletic events, all with love, joy, and good cheer.  So, in that context, when my wife carefully comes to me and says, "Look, such and such really needs to happen," there are very good reasons for me to answer, "I'll get right to it."

Carpetbagger

February 5th, 2016 at 2:15 PM ^

The very first phrase is what I find to be key. If you have a wife, like I do, who has already thought most of tasks she asks of me through, then just do what she says.

Most men, myself included, simply don't care about 95% of the stuff your wife does. Just do what she asks, then if you think it's stupid later, tell her then.

I generally find I have to reign in my wife on doing too much, by doing obvious tasks that need done before she asks.

A good wife is your best asset for being successful.

Edit: I guess I should say "spouse" rather than "wife", given I know a couple or two that do this the opposite of "normal". And are very successful at it.

Zarniwoop

February 5th, 2016 at 1:55 PM ^

Definitely not. Its give and take.  Basically, your wife is going to care about things you won't give a rat's ass about. And if you don't care, do it the way she wants.

By all means, stand firm on things that are very important to you. 

Compromise is all it means.  But, don't waste your time fighting battles that mean nothing to you.

Gulo Blue

February 5th, 2016 at 2:05 PM ^

If he were talking one player being in sync with another player and doing everything that player wants to win games, you might see it differently. It's that same team/opposing team mentaility, one is what you're really pursuing, but the other is the stereotype you like to joke about. "Do everything the wife wants" is a bit of an exaggeration, usually made by happily married men.

Opinion25

February 5th, 2016 at 3:10 PM ^

it all depends on who you marry. If you marry the right person, she will usually only ask you to do things that are reasonable and fair, it which case you SHOULD DO whatever she asks as well as you can. If you marry the wrong person, you are screwed whatever you do. 

FrankMurphy

February 5th, 2016 at 3:39 PM ^

It's hyperbole more than anything else. It's not literally true. The point he's getting at is that sometimes (not all the time), you have to swallow your ego, go along with your better half even if it doesn't make sense to you, and not fuss about it too much. But the same goes for her as well. Unless you're a sociopath, when someone does something they may not want to do just to please you, it makes you inclined to return the favor and thereby strengthens your mutual bond. At the end of the day, every successful marriage is built on compromise and give-and-take. 

Gallagher

February 5th, 2016 at 4:49 PM ^

I know what you're getting at, but it's not true.

It's a joke - he's not a slave to her. A husband needs to serve his wife just as much as a wife needs to serve her husband.

If there's no mutual service, the marriage will die. You just hear the joke on one end (in today's world, if the roles were reversed PC would kick in), but I guarantee you Sarah does what Jim asks as well. Namely, take care of the family, which is a massive job in its own. Neither of them would be where they are today without the other.

Sent from MGoBlog HD for iPhone & iPad

M-Dog

February 6th, 2016 at 10:15 PM ^

When you are married, and especially when you have kids, you can't just "do things the way you want."  

That's part of life and growing up.

If that constitutes having your balls cut off in your mind, then definitely do not get married or have kids.

 

bdneely4

February 5th, 2016 at 1:27 PM ^

It was funny how Harbuagh was explaining it.  They first discussed how competitive JH is from the time he was a little kid.  When Jim was explaining this about his wife it was like he felt like he won since this formula has brought him success even though it would seem to most people that his wife won.  Very funny interview and worth going back and listening to it if you weren't able to hear it live.

Zarniwoop

February 5th, 2016 at 1:35 PM ^

That's exactly the key to a successful marriage.

No matter how much you tell yourself that will never be you, it will.

That or you'll be divorced.

Obviously, that's a general statement. A better way to say it would be, pick your battles.

Make sure it's really important to you if you decide to stand your ground on something about which your significant other has strong feelings.

 

Here is a list of things that you need to give up if you want to have a successful marriage (either sex):

1. Rolling your eyes.

2. Saying anything remotely like "that's stupid".

3. Attacking someone who is saying mean things about you. They'll get over it and apologize. If they don't, don't marry them.

4. Give up on any idea that a person will change one iota from who they are when you marry them.

5. Get used to the idea that the things you do that mildly annoy them now, will infuriate them when you're married.

6.  Behaving like a farm animal isn't funny anymore.

See my diary "so you think nothing's changed" for the next 400 items.

lastofthedogmen

February 5th, 2016 at 1:33 PM ^

Would have the ability to turn marriage into a competition with himself, to do as his wife says better today than yesterday, better tomorrow than today, with an enthusiasm unknown to mankind.
Seriously, though, after a while you discover, if you're married to someone who really loves you, and whom you can trust, that her perspective is one that you should value, that she's seeing you through the filter of love, often more clearly than you can see yourself. So it's less "obedience" than trusting your partner's wisdom and love.