OT: Grantland on Tebow (Parody)

Submitted by Everyone Murders on June 12th, 2013 at 9:14 AM

Periodically Grantland will attempt to write the worst sports column possible.  Yesterday Grantland's Andrew Sharp stepped up to the plate, writing this GEM on Tim Tebow's move to the Patriots.  During the long offseason you owe it to yourself to read this article.  Hell, you owe it to America.

Grantland does a fantastic job parodying the saccharine style of so many popular sportswriters (and not letting facts interfere with a narrative).  A sample?  A sample:

Tim was never given anything in this life. This quarterback was something like a Hail Mary, himself. Too short. Not athletic enough. Bad mechanics. They said he couldn't play quarterback. He was always a longshot. In college he turned into a superstar, he proved everyone wrong. When he got to the NFL, all he ever did was win. He impressed me, he impressed you, he impressed everyone.
But then Tim found out the hard way: Negativity sells with today's media.
So the more he won, the more he was crucified for poor decisions and poor throws. Eventually, all the negativity got him shipped to New York City, and that was a whole other story. He came to Manhattan pregnant with hope, but destined for an abortion. Rex Ryan was never going to give him a real chance.



June 12th, 2013 at 9:28 AM ^

I like your condensed version better than trying to read the entire piece.  It was funny for a few paragraphs, but I found myself getting bored, and before I knew it, my attention had wandered.  So, I guess the writer succeeded in his original mission.  But I did pos you for your editing work.

Pass the adderall, please.


June 12th, 2013 at 1:47 PM ^

It's so nice to read one of his Troll Tuesday-esque articles again. I'd been wondering when the first one would pop up after he got hired away from writing them for SBN.