Sopwith

November 30th, 2016 at 7:03 PM ^

He's stuck in a Groundhog Day-type time vortex and he's got the timing of this down after hundreds of reps. He then spends the rest of the day blowing the gold flakes on cocaine and strippers. Every day. Like Bill Murray should have instead practicing piano and memorizing french poetry, damnit.

 

Joined: 06/29/2010

MGoPoints: 61022

Everyone Murders

November 30th, 2016 at 7:17 PM ^

He is a member of the Buckeye athletic department, taking the gold to give each Buckeye player in Saturday's game a pair of gold pants.

After all, what better way to honor a stolen victory than with a memento made of stolen gold?

Joined: 12/14/2010

MGoPoints: 65552

m1jjb00

November 30th, 2016 at 7:18 PM ^

has probably been reliving the same day for years and meticulously practiced the steps when the guard looks away.

EDIT: Damn, should have read all the posts above.

Joined: 11/21/2009

MGoPoints: 8065

I Like Burgers

November 30th, 2016 at 10:09 PM ^

Sounds like he was watching it to know they left things unattended but then just randomly grabbed something from the back and it happened to be a bucket of gold worth $1.6M

Like in college, we were coming back from a party drunk and passed a delivery truck taking things into Burger King on South U. So we snagged the top box on top of a stack and make a break for it. Got back to the apartment all excited to see what we had, opened it up, and.....it was a box of mayo packets and we all hated mayo. Such a let down.



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Joined: 10/06/2012

MGoPoints: 30575

Everyone Murders

November 30th, 2016 at 7:43 PM ^

Plus the loss of a lot of money is covered by insurance.  Which spreads the loss of $1.6M thinly enough to make it rounding error.

So I'm going to go with hilarious, not horrible.  When I think of "horrible crimes" I think of murder, rape, maiming, and a hundred other things that are not grabbing a bucket of gold dust and waddling through Midtown Manhattan struggling to carry the damn thing (especially when the crime is apparently spontaneous).

Joined: 12/14/2010

MGoPoints: 65552

rainingmaize

November 30th, 2016 at 8:39 PM ^

So what your saying is that its sad that people who don't do their jobs lose them? The security guard profession exists literally because people steal valuable items. His sole responsibility is to protect valuables from those people. Leaving $1.6 million worth of said valuables unattended in the middle of the busiest city in the US is not providing protection. 

Joined: 04/13/2010

MGoPoints: 10458

nerv

November 30th, 2016 at 7:41 PM ^

So... do they have to call somebody when you walk into a cash for gold place with something valued that high?

... Asking for a friend.

Joined: 04/14/2009

MGoPoints: 14072

Danwillhor

November 30th, 2016 at 7:42 PM ^

Some gold can be traced via crazy molecular tests but it has to be done on the gold before theft to have a chance to prove. All he has to do is form it into small nuggets and/or learn the very simple process of creating his own coins, bars, etc. If he's caught it'll be from identifying him visually or some guy walking into a pawn shop/bank/Cash 4 Gold and trying to exchange $1.5M in gold for cash (lol). He'd be generally screwed if it were cash but gold is almost impossible to trace.

Joined: 12/02/2008

MGoPoints: 8609

FatGuyTouchdown

November 30th, 2016 at 7:58 PM ^

tips hotline several times to report the man because I saw him outside of Madison Square Garden in a brown poncho.

I go to school in Wisconsin, but you gotta respect the hustle.

Joined: 09/07/2014

MGoPoints: 14102

Bando Calrissian

November 30th, 2016 at 8:56 PM ^

Ryan points out one of the more entertaining sides of living in a city, when you're sitting on a subway train and someone has obviously just made a Home Depot run and needs to get their haul home. Went through turnstiles with plywood and mops and pipes and shit. It's hilarious.

Joined: 07/02/2008

MGoPoints: 68117