OT: Career advice for 30-something brother-in-law who dropped out of LSA?
Youngest sister got pregnant during undergrad and ended up marrying the father. She plowed through undergrad and medical school, he's been a stay-at-home father to their children. Kids are now all in school and he's jonesing to get some kind of career going. But I can tell he's insecure about what to do, re-entering college, major, ageism, empty resume, career arc over the next 30 years. He's a nice personable clever guy, he cherishes my sister and nieces, so it's a real bummer he's unfulfilled professionally. We'll be spending time with them this weekend, what advice would you give him? All I know about his undergrad tenure was his marks were iffy and he's got two years of random LSA core. Should he just focus on finishing a BA, any BA, quickly as possible or pursue a path that could take a little longer, that's more favorable to his unique non-traditional bio?
February 5th, 2019 at 2:35 PM ^
Is he serious!? Sounds to me like he is living the dream. I'd love to be a stay at home dad.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:03 PM ^
I think he's unfulfilled. He's been a great father but he'd like to pursue a career, generate income and earn some professional status. He may be the only parent in their social circle without a degree and profession, which weighs on him. He's a gregarious polished clean-cut guy who apparently had a higher SAT score than my sister who's an MD.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:27 PM ^
Over the years I have read a lot of relationship message boards. Stay at home dads to high income earning women always get cheated on.
Then when you add in that she just randomly got knocked up and they got, married as a result, this is all kinds of messed up.
Edit: have him read this thread.
https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/424461-so-here-we.html
February 5th, 2019 at 3:44 PM ^
Dude... I hope you don't have daughters
February 5th, 2019 at 4:32 PM ^
I hope you aren't being cheated on. Being naive won't help.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:54 PM ^
I think the vast majority of this board is blue pilled.
February 5th, 2019 at 5:59 PM ^
Hmmmm. Go Blue pilled
February 5th, 2019 at 3:50 PM ^
This, exactly this.
The only exception to this rule is if this stay at home dad works out quite a bit. Perhaps the same is true for men with stay at home women? Although I doubt data exists for this.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:48 PM ^
The "only exception" to this "rule"? Is this sarcasm?
February 5th, 2019 at 5:25 PM ^
A reasonable stance on the limits of induction is for blue-pilled cucks.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:41 PM ^
You do realize that relationship message boards self-select for messed up relationships, right?
February 5th, 2019 at 5:08 PM ^
Yes I do.
I also know half of marriages end in divorce.
There's probably another 25% who should be divorced but won't leave no matter what and another small percentage of people who are already divorced but don't know it.
There are some really messed up people out there and they are a lot easier to spot if you do some reading.
Men have affairs for the sex. Women have sex for the affair. A lot of times women don't even like the sex with the guy they are banging.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:03 PM ^
It may sound like a life of luxury but I assure you it is anything but.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:13 PM ^
especially if you are a duck farmer, right?
February 5th, 2019 at 3:15 PM ^
No kidding!
Although, with a heavy heart I must tell you that one of them did not survive the polar vortex ?. I don't know what happened. I gave them food and water, a heat lamp, and even built a pen for them in our garage with straw. All I can think is that she was getting old and it was just her time ?
February 5th, 2019 at 3:28 PM ^
sorry about the ducks.
as to staying home, i would love to do that and i recognize that it'd be a lot like work many days.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:46 PM ^
Okay, that photo made me chuckle
February 5th, 2019 at 3:42 PM ^
condolences Brutus..... the dark clouds of adversity shall pass. Hope the recent news of a dreadnought PWO lifts your spirit and dries your eyes.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:35 PM ^
I’ve been told skilled trades are making a comeback. What’s his passion?
February 5th, 2019 at 2:40 PM ^
Agreed, need more info. What does he WANT to do besides just work? It sounds like he needs something to fill his time, what's important with that? Adding income is nice, but can it be a passion rather than a good paycheck?
February 5th, 2019 at 3:07 PM ^
I would have provided more if I knew. I've tried to poke around without seeming overbearing and he's openminded but seized on narrowing his scope to paths more broadminded about his age and vacant resume. I commented above he's the only parent in their social circle without a degree (if not advanced degrees) and no career. He was a smart guy in high school, gets into UM, but admits he wasn't mature, lacked direction, so he took lead in parenting. He'd like a career and wants to generate good income. My sister does well financially but she's not some high-soaring plastic surgeon -- they have housing, cars, education costs for the children, 529, retirement, et cetera.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:19 PM ^
Real Estate along with online schooling for a B.A. Lots of options for both. I wish I had free time to sell real estate.
February 5th, 2019 at 6:19 PM ^
I think this is an excellent idea. My mother was very intelligent and ambitious but she never had the opportunity to go to college. Once my siblings and I were older she studied for her realtors license and eventually became a broker. She made a lot of money and found helping people find the perfect home very fulfilling. The path to a real estate license is a lot shorter than many other professional paths as well.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:51 PM ^
Maybe finish up enough credits to Substitute Teach? I hear you can pretty much work whenever you want to, as much as you want to + he's clearly got great experience working with kids and you get the satisfaction of being a mentor to the next generation.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:36 PM ^
Tell him to continue to play stay at home dad and start volunteering at school, driving the bus, or be a teacher's aid.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:31 PM ^
I once was a substitute teacher. Aside from the rare days when I got to sub in my teaching area and was actually trusted to teach, it was awful. The other 95% of days were either extremely boring (watch the same video five times) or excruciating (crowd control).
February 5th, 2019 at 4:21 PM ^
As a teacher I stopped hoping for my subs to do any type of teaching. It never was done and the kids said the people told them to just the book and sat the whole day. I got tired of spending a bit of time with those plans. Sucks that a handful of subs ruined for good ones like you.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:35 PM ^
Oh, it's normal. I went on to become a permanent teacher and quickly discovered that nothing got done when I was gone, as kids would play the "I don't understand" card when the sub was there. I started giving movies to show as well.
I would recommend subbing to aspiring teachers as it's a chance to spend time in schools and get to know the teachers - I learned to make friends with the teachers in my subject area and they became professional references for me later on. But I wouldn't recommend it otherwise. The vast majority of my days working as a sub felt totally unfulfilling, just running out the clock.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:37 PM ^
Put some hours into RDR2.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:38 PM ^
Have him look into the trades. Master craftsmen are looking for individuals who are willing to work and learn the skills needed to support the infrastructure of society in the near future.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:52 PM ^
I think that smart, trustworthy contractors, electricians, HVAC, plumbers etc... are worth their weight in gold and will continue to be. And I can also see any of them being pretty cool if you liked to work with your hands.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:04 PM ^
One nice thing about plumbing, electrical, HVAC, drywall, carpentry, landscaping, stone masonry, mechanic, etc is that none of it will be outsourced to call centers in Mumbai or Singapore.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:31 PM ^
This is a good idea. I do know that with electrical comes mandatory apprenticeship classes for 4 years. Plus no matter the age there's a pay scale that a lot of contractors adhere to. He'd be starting out at the bottom ($12ish/hr) and it takes about 6-8 years to get into the mid to high 20's if he's a real go-getter.
Top tradesmen are in extremely high demand right now. No idea what it will look like a few years down the road. If he was already established with some experience right now he could really make it pay.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:45 PM ^
If he enjoys working with computers, there are many computer aided manufacturing jobs open. He should be able to get the skills at the local community college if manufacturers are in the area. These are mid-skilled jobs, pay good money, and keep to regular hours for the most part. Ought to be able to earn enough to pay for daycare and put $$ in his pocket.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:47 PM ^
Bad idea. That shit is real work. He's married to an MD. Supporting a family isn't the primary driver here.
It's also a shit load of hours. The dude is a Mr. Mom and needs to get kids on and off buses, stay home when kids are sick, take them to dentist appointments. You can't be an electrician and leave a job site every time Billy or Susie have diarrhea.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:44 PM ^
In what careers is he interested? What are his strengths? Is he a people person? Does he prefer to work alone? Would he prefer a job where he can express creativity and that offers different challenges and types of problem-solving everyday or does he thrive in a more directed environment with clear and specific goals? Or somewhere in between?
However, if he's still going to have to full-time parent and go to school, maybe he ought to focus on course work he would enjoy so it doesn't seem like so much of a drag, be it liberal arts or math or science, and worry about career stuff as he gets further along.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:11 PM ^
He's personable and smart -- but he has no experience. He's only been a dad for the last 10 plus years. It's sort of puzzling he didn't finish his degree because he's a bright outgoing guy. I guess he was more interested in partying at the University, lacked direction, and then he helped my sister finish her career path taking after the girls full-time.
February 5th, 2019 at 6:07 PM ^
"Only" being a stay at home dad (or mom) is hard, lonely work. It's too bad he feels so much social pressure (either direct or subtle) to do something different. But whatever his motivation I wish him luck.
February 5th, 2019 at 6:22 PM ^
Only as in there's nothing else experience-wise; a bare resume since dropping out of LSA.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:46 PM ^
What are his interests/hobbies? Sounds like a perfect opportunity to make a career out of a hobby. I'm in a similar situation as he is (for a second I wondered if you were my BIL) and I've decided to pursue fiction writing. Sure, it's not something you'd quit your day job for, but when your job is a stay at home dad, you've got the perfect circumstances for it.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:12 PM ^
EYB, are you serious re: stay at home dad and fiction writer? if so, i think you could write some marvelous stories about ethics in ohio and safe places in EL. definitely fiction.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:16 PM ^
Haha, I am totally serious, and that is a great idea XM!
February 5th, 2019 at 3:48 PM ^
Will have a fundamental "suspension of disbelief" problem with readers.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:47 PM ^
It's tough to give advice to someone I don't know. With that being said, I would recommend that he get is degree since it is hard to be successful without one. I see the comments about being a stay at home dad and I would think that would be very tough on the ego, especially with a spouse that is a doctor. Ultimately, he needs to figure out what he wants to do for a career. Sales? Accounting? Law? Once he knows what he wants to do, his academic path will become clear. Also, he is setting a great example for his children by making a decision and pursuing it. It's not as easy to do when you're a "non-traditional" student. Good luck to him.
February 5th, 2019 at 3:45 PM ^
Sales actually isn't a bad idea if he's a people person. Not much education (if any) required and with a lot of hard work he can make a lot of money.
My biggest regret is going into investigations / compliance instead of sales / securities. Those little shits make 4x what I do.
February 5th, 2019 at 4:55 PM ^
Any specific focus of sales you're referring to. That's going to sound too vague.
February 5th, 2019 at 9:03 PM ^
Sales is sales. I wouldn't do anything that requires foot traffic because then it is a bit of a waiting game but learning to pitch something and closing a deal are super useful skills. Also good sales people make lots of money.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:47 PM ^
All depends what he wants to do. Not every career needs a degree, despite what we may have learned growing up. I struggled big time at Michigan, barely graduated, and now have a career (going on 15 years) doing what I love that doesn't even require a degree. Still paying off the student loans too. Going to school just to get a degree isn't really smart anymore.
February 5th, 2019 at 2:54 PM ^
Unless you are receiving the GI Bill or Vocational Rehabilitation program through the VA. Smart move to get your degree, for free.