OT-Al Davis, Jerry Jones or Emperor Palpatine?

Submitted by HAIL 2 VICTORS on January 2nd, 2011 at 7:55 PM

 Who would be worse to work for? 

Sure Al Davis has gingivitis and has not touched dental floss since John Madden was coach but at least he stays up in the box and barks commands from a rotary phone that has been disconnected since 1988. 

Not Jerry though!  How does that poor bastard Jason Garrett have a chance in hell to succeed when at nearly every instance your freak of an owner is sticking his face into the mix and insisting he be the microcosm of daily operation?  Jerry Jones makes George Steinbrenner look like the Mora family. 

If anyone watched Jason Garrett try to address the team after today's game with Jerry not only insisting he be there but no less in the front row just a few feet away from Garrett nodding in approval to his every word, making comments to the players as the coach speaks and just meddling as he insists he must.

Put me in the  white storm-trooper suit I would play for Palpatine!



January 2nd, 2011 at 10:16 PM ^

Does it look like with their dependence on CGI they got WORSE with make-up over 20 years? Original trilogy Emperor looks like evil had drained all the life from his emaciated body. New trilogy Emperor just looks...puffy. Like a bad Botox job or something.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:04 PM ^

Jerry Jones is the stretched face for the reason the Cowboys have continually declined. He has the money, but as Daniel Snyder has also shown, you can't buy a Super Bowl. Football is the ultimate team game and Jones can't leave anything alone long enough for it to gel together into a team.

He gets the team on Hard Knocks and sure has some big score boards but all the glitz and glamour is for not. Home for the play offs again.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:29 PM ^

anything funnier on Hard Knocks than the Cowboys draft room with Jerry holding court? Still cherish the memory of being at Lambeau in '97 while the Packers destroyed his Cowboys. Jerry, in a "classic Jerry" move, came down from his box in the fourth quarter, presumably to glower at Barry Switzer's back. He cut the corner across the end zone opposite the action on his way to the losers sideline and got f bombed into Bolivia by the fans. One of the biggest "look-at-me" moments I've ever witnessed.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:07 PM ^

are not your ideal owners whatsoever- that's what always makes their teams terrible. Jones and Davis always have to be involved in every facet of the team- who they draft, sign, trade, etc... they pick who they like and who they think their fans may like- and that is not the way you do things. If Davis or Jones want to see their teams win, they need to step aside, hire a GM/President of Operations and let them do their thing.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:17 PM ^

Randal: So they build another Death Star, right?
Dante: Yeah.
Randal: Now the first one they built was completed and fully operational before the Rebels destroyed it.
Dante: Luke blew it up. Give credit where it's due.
Randal:And the second one was still being built when they blew it up.
Dante: Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Randal: Something just never sat right with me the second time they destroyed it. I could never put my finger on it-something just wasn't right.
Dante: And you figured it out?
Randal: Well, the thing is, the first Death Star was manned by the Imperial army-storm troopers, dignitaries- the only people onboard were Imperials.
Dante: Basically.
Randal: So when they blew it up, no prob. Evil is punished.
Dante: And the second time around...?
Randal: The second time around, it wasn't even finished yet. They were still under construction.
Dante: So?
Randal: A construction job of that magnitude would require a helluva lot more manpower than the Imperial army had to offer. I'll bet there were independent contractors working on that thing: plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers.
Dante: Not just Imperials, is what you're getting at.
Randal: Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody who could do the job. Do you think the average storm trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All they know is killing and white uniforms.
Dante: All right, so even if independent contractors are working on the Death Star, why are you uneasy with its destruction?
Randal: All those innocent contractors hired to do a job were killed- casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. (notices Dante's confusion) All right, look-you're a roofer, and some juicy government contract comes your way; you got the wife and kids and the two-story in suburbia-this is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. All of a sudden these left-wing militants blast you with lasers and wipe out everyone within a three-mile radius. You didn't ask for that. You have no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:33 PM ^

The second Death Star was over 900 kilometers in diameter and was literally visible from the surface of the forest moon of Endor. Its sudden destruction led to monstrous storm of debris raining down on the moon.The earth like gravity and geostationary orbit (to keep it within the shield generator range) would have tethered it so close as to produce a effect not unlike the most destructive of meteor storms.

That this is all being swept under the rug is just another example of the coverup created by the military-industrial complex under Palpatine.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:59 PM ^

Blue-Collar Man: Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt, but what were you talking about?
Randal: The ending of Return of the Jedi.
Dante: My friend is trying to convince me that any contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when the space station was destroyed by the rebels.
Blue-Collar Man: Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer... (digs into pocket and produces business card) Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements. And speaking as a roofer, I can say that a roofer's personal politics come heavily into play when choosing jobs.
Randal: Like when?
Blue-Collar Man: Three months ago I was offered a job up in the hills. A beautiful house with tons of property. It was a simple reshingling job, but I was told that if it was finished within a day, my price would be doubled. Then I realized whose house it was.
Dante: Whose house was it?
Blue-Collar Man: Dominick Bambino's.
Randal: "Babyface" Bambino? The gangster?
Blue-Collar Man: The same. The money was right, but the risk was too big. I knew who he was, and based on that, I passed the job on to a friend of mine.
Dante: Based on personal politics.
Blue-Collar Man: Right. And that week, the Foresci family put a hit on Babyface's house. My friend was shot and killed. He wasn't even finished shingling.
Randal: No way!
Blue-Collar Man: (paying for coffee) I'm alive because I knew there were risks involved taking on that particular client. My friend wasn't so lucky. (pauses to reflect) You know, any contractor willing to work on that Death Star knew the risks. If they were killed, it was their own fault. A roofer listens to this... (taps his heart) not his wallet.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:13 PM ^

Dude Palpatine would be great to work for. I guarantee stormtroopers get medical, dental, and vision. Plus you get to travel and you get an awesome laser gun. You really just need to avoid getting force choked but that's just a small job hazard really.

Davis wouldn't be too bad. You get to live in the Bay Area, wear very slimming black outfits. Your fans support you no matter how awful you are at your job. Of course, driving in the Bay Area sucks, but there is always the BART.

Working for Jerry Jones would just blow goats. Although Texas has some really hot chicks.


January 2nd, 2011 at 8:31 PM ^

Not to defend Jerry Jones (cause I think he's a world-class asshat) but since when does somebody owning something have to apologize for...I dunno....making a decision or something.  He OWNS the Cowboys for fuck sakes - if he wants to dress them up like the dude from Back to Future III and sing campfire songs while riding fine black stallions well....it's his funeral. 

I have never understand why the general public has such an issue with owners who want to play with the toys they bought.  They owe us nothing - they paid the money for the franchise and if they want to screw it up...well...stop buying hats, shirts and tickets but please stop acting like they are the running the peoples car factory in Volograd for God sakes.

It's still American folks...it's still America. 


January 2nd, 2011 at 10:20 PM ^

What about Charles Finley? He hired MC Hammer as GM of the Athletics when Hammer was 13. He also pulled a second baseman from the field during the playoffs for making an error.