OT: $675 Million Powerball Jackpot -- What's your plan for the money?

Submitted by 608Monroe on January 7th, 2016 at 8:32 AM

I'm not gonna win it.  You're not gonna win it.  No one you know is gonna win it because the odds of winning it are impossible.  But that doesn't distract from the fact that the largest lottery jackpot in U.S. history is up for grabs in Saturday's Powerball drawing.  It currently stands at $675 million, and could rise to as much as $900 million before gametime.


I told my boss if I win, I won't even come back to clean up my office.  They can have it all.  In fact, with the exception of my immediate family, I think there's a decent chance I would disappear entirely, only coming back on occasions of my choosing -- but even then, my new name would be Chad, and I think I'd wear a beret.  I'd probably adopt a fake accent, too, because F everyone.

Aside from travel, which would be my first big maneuver with the money, I seriously think I would spend the majority of my time on philanthropy, figuring out how best the money could be used to help people -- particularly kids.  That, and I want a pet monkey.  Preferably a lemur.




January 7th, 2016 at 9:27 AM ^

The key to a successful large 7 day bender is having a core group + a rotating group of people.  Some can only handle 2-3 days of heavy drinking, so make sure to have 3 sets of people coming in.  If you plan it well, everday a new set of people will show up ready to party -- meaning the core group will never be able to ease off the gas.


January 7th, 2016 at 8:35 AM ^

This thing might hit $750 mil by the next draw. And if someone doesn't hit it this time, then we're probably looking at the first $1 billion lottery a week from now.


January 7th, 2016 at 9:02 AM ^

So your goal is to work less and read books?

I truly hope that a half billion is not wasted on you, sir.  

I would buy yachts to use for target practice for my fully armed Russian submarine.  I would pay entire cities to change their name to my name.  I would bribe public officials to allow me to dam rivers and charge the downstream residents for their water.  I'd create a cheaper alternative to Edible Arrangements just so that I put them out of business.  Then I'd close it.  Because Edible Arrangements is not a viable business model and I've NEVER understood how they stay viable.  I'd pay people to follow Prius drivers around in big diesel trucks just revving their engines all day.  I'd put a bounty on a random species of animal just so that they are hunted to extinction.  I'd air commercials that are simply dating profiles of myself playing tennis in my underwear.  I'd buy Macchu Pichu and bulldoze it to put in a Sandals resort.

I'd basically become a reclusive villian.  I wouldn't kill people, but I would use the full force of my wealth to troll the shit out of as many people as I could.

And you'd read more books...


January 7th, 2016 at 9:32 AM ^

I already looked at the prices of russian submarines.  First of all, if you take the lump sum, you are likely looking at somewhere between $200-300 million post taxes.  The cost of a functional military grade sub (plus the cost of a crew to run the sub) is going to eat up the majority of the money, and when you start adding yachts in there (~$1mil a piece + operating costs) and missles ($100k a pop) you are going to burn through it pretty quick.  Purchasing Macchu Pichu is probably also out.

As for the other ideas, I can get behind these.

Also, I know a Prius driver who only uses it so he can give the illusion of being environmentally aware, not because he actually cares (he is a politician)

Flying Dutchman

January 7th, 2016 at 8:36 AM ^

Bring you all to the Club Level for the biggest game of the year.   Have a huge MGoParty with MGoNameTags featuring your handle and your MGoRealName.

Smuggle in a lot of beer, wine, liquor.    Arrange for an octagon in that concession area to watch some of you duke it out. 


January 7th, 2016 at 8:37 AM ^

by lightning once so I already have better odds than most.  If I do win, I'll buy a suite at the Big House and all my MGO friends will have a standing invite to join me.


January 7th, 2016 at 8:38 AM ^

I would buy a suite at OSU's stadium, but a ton of OSU gear, get sideline passes, etc, then start paying OSU players and recruits. Make SMU look like the little leagues. Even bribe the field hockey players and recruits. I'm talking buying Ferrari's for high schoolers. I'd document all of it and videotape it all. Then after a couple years, I would dump it all to major media, the B1G and the NCAA and laugh manically as they burn to the ground.

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January 7th, 2016 at 9:40 AM ^

You could plant your own coach on the OSU staff and then have him throw The Game at a key moment by doing something stupid.

Or just buy a plane, seed the clouds over Columbus to create extreme wind and rain, and let them do it to themselves.