I'm not gonna win it. You're not gonna win it. No one you know is gonna win it because the odds of winning it are impossible. But that doesn't distract from the fact that the largest lottery jackpot in U.S. history is up for grabs in Saturday's Powerball drawing. It currently stands at $675 million, and could rise to as much as $900 million before gametime.
I told my boss if I win, I won't even come back to clean up my office. They can have it all. In fact, with the exception of my immediate family, I think there's a decent chance I would disappear entirely, only coming back on occasions of my choosing -- but even then, my new name would be Chad, and I think I'd wear a beret. I'd probably adopt a fake accent, too, because F everyone.
Aside from travel, which would be my first big maneuver with the money, I seriously think I would spend the majority of my time on philanthropy, figuring out how best the money could be used to help people -- particularly kids. That, and I want a pet monkey. Preferably a lemur.