OSU jokes help

Submitted by Adrian on April 19th, 2010 at 1:52 PM

I need your help. I'm in a class and my professor is an OSU fan and he asked us our favorite college football team and I'm the only UM fan and now he keeps on making fun of Michigan I nerd your help I need some good things to get back at him with. I'm haven't been a fan for a very long time so I really don't know that much history about our program to get back at him.

Comments

VAWolverine

April 19th, 2010 at 7:00 PM ^

What's your favorite Crosby, Stills & Nash song?

4 dead in Ohio

What do you think about Woodie Hayes?

He went down swinging.

How about Art Sclichter?

He's the subject of the Kenny Rogers song "The Gambler"

What do Reggie Germany and Bluto in Animal House have in common?

Their GPA's were 0.00

If you need more I'm just getting warmed up.

pdgoblue25

April 19th, 2010 at 2:09 PM ^

There isn't really too much you can say to him. The pendulum has swung in their favor and unfortunately the best thing that can happen in this situation is for Michigan to win. Until then you'll have to resort to the Florida, USC and LSU games. You can say that Michigan beat Florida, or that Troy Smith and Ted Ginn (among several others, Carpenter, Gholston ect...) are busts. You can cite the overall series record which Michigan is still comfortably ahead. You can talk about how the NC game against Miami was won by the pass interference call that took 8 seconds to flag. Or that the entire season should be wiped out because there's no way that Maurice Clarrett should have been eligible. Of course he's going to fire back how many games in a row they've won, and there will be nothing you can say. My personal advice, just bite your tongue and take it. I went to Ohio State, and OSU fans are just trying to get a rise out of you. If you just laugh it off it ends quickly, and most of the time pisses them off.
Having said that, I've always had success getting under their skin with these 2 things. 1.) I went to Ohio State because I couldn't get into Michigan (truth is out of state fees cost too much, but they don't know that) 2. Archie Griffin's entire offensive line went to the NFL, and they deserve those heismans, that ALWAYS pisses them off, ALWAYS.

His Dudeness

April 19th, 2010 at 2:01 PM ^

Since he is most assuredly a portly fellow with very few teeth ask him how his mother finds the time to mash up the magnitude of food it must take to keep up such an unhealthy appearence while still allowing time for the local johns at the nearby truck stop.

Search4Meaning

April 19th, 2010 at 2:39 PM ^

Two guys are in the bathroom at halftime taking a piss: a Buckeye and a Wolverine.

When they finish the Buckeye starts washing his hands. But the Wolverine starts combing his hair instead. Feeling that the Wolverine lacks hygiene, the Buckeye smugly says, "You know at OSU we teach our men to wash their hands after they take a leak!"

The Wolverine doesn't even look at the Buckeye, but says,"At Michigan we don't piss on our hands."

hokiewolf

April 19th, 2010 at 2:59 PM ^

Ask him where he parks on campus. If it's in a normal spot, tell him that if he puts his OSU degree on his dashboard he's allowed to park in any handicapped spot.

Ask what grade he got in reverse basket-weaving, and how many football players he had to tutor.

Ask if his family holds reunions and weddings at the same time to save on travel expenses.

Ask if he stills visits campus, and whether he uses a map or simply follows the smell.

Tell him we traded Ohio to the EU in exchange for Greece. All they asked is that we wash Ohio first.

Search4Meaning

April 19th, 2010 at 3:05 PM ^

Two guys are walking down a beach.

The OSU grad gets crapped on by a seagull.

The Michigan guy says, "Hold on. I'll run and get a kleenex."

The OSU grad says, "Forget it, the bird will be miles away when you get back."

House Divided

April 19th, 2010 at 3:13 PM ^

A MSU fan walks in on his girlfriend having sex with an Michigan fan. Stunned the MSU fan asks "baby why?" she frowns looks pissed and says "because you are weeeeeeeeeeak."

pharker

April 19th, 2010 at 3:19 PM ^

And where do you go to school?

I rarely meet OSU graduates, despite OSU being one of the largest Universities by enrollment in the USA. Wonder why that is? Most OSU fans I've met didn't go to school there (lending more credence to Bob Ufer's "10,000 alumni and 70,000 truck drivers.")

I usually note that I won't worry about OSU until they stop measuring themselves in relation to Michigan. We don't list coaches' records vs. OSU on our websites or in our history books. They use it in their decision matrix - sometimes the sole reason - to retain or fire.

I also point out that only 4 OSU football coaches have winning records against Michigan, and the first 3 resigned in disgrace or were fired.

Go BLUE!!

Adrian

April 19th, 2010 at 3:52 PM ^

He graduated from university of cincinnati and teaches at Kettering University a small university in Flint MI, his jokes are pretty lame but still. the other day he opens up the overhead projector which is blank and hes like can you guys tell me what this picture is. theres nothing on there so were all lost then hes like this is UM trophy case.

The Original Seth

April 19th, 2010 at 3:51 PM ^

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO AN O$U GRADUATE WHO IS STANDING ON YOUR PORCH, SO AS TO GIVE HIM THE IDEA THAT HE SHOULD NO LONGER BE STANDING THERE?

YOU TELL HIM THAT HIS CHOICE TO PURSUE AN UNDERGRADUATE DEGREE IN COLUMBUS OHIO HAS LEFT HIM OPEN TO THE CHARGE OF HAVING PRIORITIZED THINGS OTHER THAN ACADEMICS, AND TO THAT OF HAVING A PRONOUNCED INDIFFERENCE REGARDING THE PRINCIPLES OF EQUITABLE PLAY IN INTERCOLLEGIATE ATHLETICS

Maize n Blue

April 19th, 2010 at 5:43 PM ^

Since we can't really talk much trash about football currently, it's always best to just insult their underwhelming intelligence.

Q: How many Ohio State football players does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only 1 but he gets 3 credits and a $1000 for doing it.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a Buckeye joke?” The guy replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I am 6′ tall, 200 lbs. and I am an Ohio State graduate. The guy sitting next to me is 6′2″, 225 lbs., and he is an Ohio State graduate. The guy right next to him is 6′5″, 250lbs., and he is also an Ohio State graduate. Now, you still wanna tell me that joke?” The first guy says, “No, not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”

Q: How do you get an Ohio State Graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What did the OSU grad say to the Michigan grad?
A: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order please?”

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep the store.” But, I’m a OSU graduate,” the young man replied indignantly, “I even played football there!” “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom, I better show you how”.

A Buckeye football player was almost killed today in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.

burtcomma

April 19th, 2010 at 6:01 PM ^

Just take a roll of toilet paper to class with you. Next time he says anything about Michigan, tear off a sheet and present him with his own official OSU diploma!

oldcityblue

April 20th, 2010 at 6:15 AM ^

the Snow Bowl represents
A. A great, historic Michigan victory.
B. a handy product to help clean a toilet.

EDIT: sorry, tried to be original and came out stupid.

Gustavo Fring

April 19th, 2010 at 8:09 PM ^

We produced arguably the best offensive player (Brady) and the best defensive player (Woodson) of this era. I said arguably, guys, so take it easy before you decide to start ripping me.

They produced Maurice Clarett.